Can Depressed Men Get Girlfriends? How can I go about Getting One, too?

I ask because I have struggled with suicidal thoughts for at least three years, due to my lack of female contact and genuine sex. Been told I'm a very tall, chubby, but handsome guy. Here's my picture. And yet girls don't want me.Can Depressed Men Get Girlfriends? How can I go about Getting One, too?
Would it help if I told them i am feeling depressed because I don't have a girlfriend?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Gotta be honest, I wouldn't date you because of your depression. Girls don't want a depressed guy. Shit, guys don't want a depressed girl. Despite what you think, people can sense the depression surrounding you and will stay away.

    It's not fair of you to want someone to fix your depression and if you want a relationship while you're depressed, that's exactly what's going to happen. You can be depressed about being single, but if you're thinking about suicide, you don't need a relationship, you need a therapist.

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    • depressed people tend to attract other depressed people anyway so it sorta works out for the best hey

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    • @HonestWhiteGuy Yup, now stop talking to me.

Most Helpful Guy

  • Girls do not care if you are depressed, they will avoid you and they won't take the time to hear you out.

    You need to work on yourself but if you really want a girlfriend now you need to "fake it until you make it". Be as confident and positive as you can be, act like youve gotten many girls before and she's no big deal.

    Do what I said and definitely do not do what you said. Its ok to talk about that once you have a girlfriend and start to know each other and share more about yourself but definitely DONT say that at the start.

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    • "Girls do not care if you are depressed, they will avoid you and they won't take the time to hear you out."

      False. We do care. Not wanting to date someone is not the same as not caring for them.
      Depression is something that many people can't fix on their own. But getting into relationships is definitely not the solution to fill the void. And it sounds like that's what he's trying to do

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    • @BuchitaBuchys Well of course you dont say that on a first date, and sorry all that happened to you Buchy I had a rough childhood too.

      But I'm sticking with my opinion, I think most girls wouldn't care. Just look at how people treat homeless, most people could give less of a shit as they drive by and go get their starbucks.

    • Most people or most girls?

What Girls Said 10

  • no don't tell them that, mainly because depression isn't caused by the lack of a girlfriend, not having a girlfriend just effects you more because you do have depression.

    I don't know man i just guess you have to get lucky, i mean my boyfriend has depression and has dealt with an actual attempt at suicide before i met him but he was lucky enough to meet me because i have had plenty of experience with depression as i have it and so do many of my friends and family. you really just have to hang in there until you find the right person. don't hide your mental illness and pretend your fine but it will feel unnatural id you just blurt it out upfront.

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  • Not at all. Another person shouldn't be the sole source of your happiness. It's probably a good idea to work on bettering yourself first before thinking about having another person enter it on such a deep level.

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  • Don't feel depressed.

    Maybe the girl you're waiting for is out there looking for you. * Totally believe in fate myself. I haven't been able to find the right guy.

    DON'T let it get you down! Work on improving your life, so that when she does come into it, you're ready for her. :)

    - Random questions:
    Do you workout?
    What's your diet like?
    How tall are you?
    Do you go to school or work?

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    • she's literally telling you to get rich, jacked, and she hopes you're tall LOL

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    • Getting rich, jacked, and tall would probably improve the odds quite well. Getting taller is pretty hard to do though. :-D

    • @Foreverconfused21 😚😚😚

  • I wouldn't not date you because you're depressed but you're coming across a bit desperate to me and that's off putting. Not trying to be mean, just honest.

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  • No, talking about how depressed you are to girl will get you the opposite of sympathy and make you feel worse. Find something you're good at and work on it, or learn something new and excel at it. It's meant to build up your confidence overall and it reflects in your attitude and curb your thoughts to something more positive. You can't let life keep pulling you down and expecting people to feel sorry for you. No one can help you like you can. Take up a new hobby or join in some activity that puts you in a place where you meet new people. It'll help you get out more and build more confidence within yourself and keep those negative thoughts at bay. You can do it.

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  • I would say no.
    I honestly think that your depression stems from loneliness and the need to fill a void that's in your life but that is something you need to do yourself. If you do end up in a relationship, the girl will feel smothered and responsible for your happiness which will be fine in the beginning and will start getting tiring after years.
    Take time for yourself and get to know you and what makes you happy before putting that responsibility onto someone else.
    My ex-fiance was like that, and even though I tried really hard to make him happy, there was always something that wasn't enough.

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  • You said how you have are suicidal. You should seek help, or a therapist before you even think about getting a girlfriend.

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  • It's better to say "I have depression, but I work on keeping it manageable" (and actually do this) than trying to make it so some other person is responsible to take care of it. Which is what "I'm depressed because I don't have a girlfriend" sounds like.

    That's too much to expect from someone and also, as someone with longtime anxiety and depression issues - a partner won't fix mental illness.

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    • But more females than males suffer anxiety and depression, so I think many would be compassionate as long as you're doing the work to manage it.

  • If you're depressed, how can you even muster up energy for a girlfriend?

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  • "Would it help if I told them i am feeling depressed because I don't have a girlfriend?"
    Don't do that.
    It sounds desperate and needy.

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What Guys Said 14

  • "Would it help if I told them i am feeling depressed because I don't have a girlfriend?"

    No way. Don't do this kind of pathetic thing. I think that's where you're most going wrong if you even think of doing this.

    Blast up the masculinity. Dominate. Become a conqueror.

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    • Note to observers: not suggesting he becomes an insensitive prick (don't think he could become one even if he tried). Just given the info, I think this is what he needs to hear to make the necessary adjustments to balance out his character and not be lopsided towards weak and pathetic.

  • Don't tell them you're depressed, that'll probably cause them to feel bad and end up going out with you for the wrong reasons and/or reject you for your lack of self-respect/confidence. Girls probably don't want you because of that, be confident. If you have to put up a fake smile so be it. Confidence is key.

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  • Just do what makes you happy dude find the root to your depression don't ever rely on women ok? You will end up back to being depressed even with her. So study, meet new people , gym have fun man and be confident in yourself ! Me personally I'm big on looking good I go gym, tan myself, even blow dry my hair etc etc and ever since I started doing that it made me stand out thus I even had tons of girls after me so I'm going to post a link or two check it out it's a strange story lol

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  • No. No one likes depressed people. Even depressed people don't like depressed people. Your best bet is dumb luck.

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    • hey that's not true, depressed people actually gravitate towards other depressed people, it's kinda like how gay people gravitate towards other gay people without even realizing it

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    • @carpe_natem Wow that guy is a complete asshole for saying that. I wonder if he's going to go full nazi and call for the extermination of anyone with autism, depression, or countless other problems?

    • @carpe_natem
      Ignore that asshole he's less mature than a 16 year old and Ill be your friend if you want, even if its only on here :)

  • I don't think that would help: you shouldn't try to get a girl by trying to make her feel sorry for you... It's not the right way to go, you want someone who wants you anyway.

    Speak to a doctor and start dealing with your depression. You say you're chubby: yes some girls don't mind, but it's always better to be a healthy weight, and we all look better that way. You can change your weight: you don't need to go crazy, but just be more active and cut calories. You'll feel better and have more confidence. Good luck

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  • Well depends whether or not you act depressed all the time.
    If every conversation with you ends with "Life is shit, fuck me" then obviously a girl isn't going to find that appealing.
    A girl wants someone who can cheer her up when's she down, she wants someone fun experience life with.
    Not someone who's an Emo Cunt all the time.

    Oh and don't bring it up.
    At most say "I feel down sometimes but it's all good"

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  • well like others have said , you can't fill in depression with females and honestly what does that show of you as a person , def not what woman are looking for in a man , women don't got to do shit for you. maby if you cared about a females depression more than you would have more females talking to ya. I def don't have a problem with female attention or anything else so you should listen to me.

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  • I was kind of where you're at a few years ago. It sucks being depressed because of the girlfriend situation. Being depressed doesn't help since nobody likes being a around depressed person. So I tried to do whatever I could to be as positive as I could be and get myself out of my depression. You will notice people will want to be around you more. The trick is staying positive because if you stay depressed, people will stay away, especially girls.

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    • And you look fine by the way. Looks isn't your problem.

  • I suppose. There are momma girlfriends out there that want a fixer upper project for fun...

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  • No one wants a downer. You have to love yourself before others can love you.

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  • dude its legit because you're fat and ugly that why you have no girl

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    • im not trying to be rude but EVERY girl will lie to you which seems so crazy but its true. This is the only reason girls dont like you. Nothing else

    • have no sympathy, empathy, nothing. Just get swole jacked and you'll be good looking eventually since you're white. Then be nothing but superficial and remember exactly how many of those girls like you when you were overweight

  • Yes of course they can.

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  • Ok first off your depression might not be fixed by that.. I sleep with a lot of women because i try to fill a void hoping it will help but everyday i fight the urge to end it.. I drink and sometimes find myself standing on the edge of the over pass just thinking wtf is wrong with my life.. but on average i have sex with 3 to 4 different women a week just trying to look for any and every way to help it.. but as i live in south korea there is not mental health support.. But for you i would suggest talking to a councilor and trying to get on some meds so you dont end up like me

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  • No don't tell them that, no girl wants a guy that acts depressed, girls want confident guys even if you have to fake it

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