Will keep it brief as possible, thanks for reading, please leave advice, the common answer will probably be the right one.
Me(29), her(26), me p/t DJ at a bar, her, the manager of the venue.
She's was in a mess of a relationship and when I started my sat night job we got chatting. We get on well and we chat a fair bit. It turns out this guy is her boyfriend of 18 months and best friend previous to that for like 6 years... he's massive in her life, but it wasn't working, they never saw each other, they argued a lot (his ex, her former friend doesn't know of them)... basically its a mess and even as a mate I adviced her to get out.
Then one day she comes over to chill and one thing leads to another. That was a month ago... in that month we've stayed with each other like 20 times, she tells the guy its over about a week in (yes, not great, I know... ). She's gutted, but says its for the best and we have a really good 2/3 weeks.
Last Friday is a gig they have tickets for, his christmas present. We chat and decide if they want to stay mates its only fair to let him come and see the gig (he lives like 2 hrs drive away). I'm not overly happy, but given who he is I see the point and agree.
I see her saturday, she seems ok, I ask her about the night she said it was "emotional", but that's it.
Then I get a text as a reply stating "I'm so sorry, I'm so confused, I don't know what to think or what to do. I really care about you, your amazing, but my head is a total mess and I don't want to hurt you" ... I'm gutted
We ring and I say I understand where she is coming from, he has been massive in her life. I get the impression its honest confusion and guilt and sadness and being a mess. Not that I'm being played or anything. I put out there that I will give her space, no contact for a few days (bearing in mind we've seen each other like everyday more or less, very full on) and we'll meet up thursday to talk.
As a bit more background, I really think she honestly felt or feels for me. She invited me to weddings in april and june, she shared a lot about her family and such. She's a private person and was very open with me. I think our time was genuine. But I know (some) of how important this guy has been/is.
1) what do you do if you were me? how do you handle this? What approach do you take Thursday.
2) Keeping my job is important, seeing her won't be fun if we split, but I really need the income, I'm in a lot of debt... How do I try to keep it?
Thank you for reading this, I know it wasn't short. Any and all advice is very welcome. I've not a lot of people to talk to. All my mates are manly men, not exactly sharers.
Most Helpful Guy
The best thing in your favor is time. A couple of weeks, or months will sort things out and the less you do the better your chance of keeping your job, and maybe winning her back. She needs to see what a sane boyfriend looks like.. try to look like that.
It sounds like she has a ton of drama and things need to follow their course. But if she tries to start things up again, try to make sure she has completely ended her relationship with the other guy, or you will be back in the same boat in a few more months.