ME and my ex hadn't talked in few weeks and last night he came over for a hook up. I missed him and wanted to be intimate one last time. He came over knowin i still had feelings too. After we slept together i asked him if he still had feelings and he said no and that we'd never get back together and he wants to he clear about that but he knew i still had feelings though and still slept wit me. Not to mention he drove far jus to hook up. Really far. He was very short with answers and cold towards me too. My question is do guys say this to their exes out of anger or do they really mean it? Im keep my distance but i just find it hard to believe he doesn't care like how he said he doesn't. Any opinions or suggestions? Thanks in advance!
Depends on the guy in question. If I hooked back up with my ex just to give her attention. No she's last thing I'd care about. Would I drive very far to sleep over... No. Why would hook up or sleep over if I'm not fully interested? Cause I do care about being a good guy and not being mean cause things didn't go right. Why would someone drive way out there to see you just only to play cold. GAMES. He cares. He just do t you to know he cares that much about you. And the truth is... You shouldn't. You two are now just best friends or what ever. Cut the tension and keep your guard up.
He is an ex because he doesn't care. You had not talked in a few weeks because he doesn't care. He told you he doesn't have feelings for you because he doesn't. He drove far to hook up because he was horny and had no one else to fuck then, and you said you would. He was very, very clear about no feelings for you. Why can you not understand that?
If he was angry, it was because you kept questioning him when things should have been completely clear. If you want to fuck him without feelings, then fine, do so. But if you are expecting any feelings from him, don't do it.
Are you that gullible that you go for him again anyway, even when he says he doesn't care?
He is playing you. You are a "fuck buddy" to him, and not much else.
He's denying you what you want, and in a few days or a few weeks he'll do it again.
He probably has 2 or 3 other women than he's stringing along the same way. He waits until you are just desperate enough that you fall for him again, and then he contacts you.
I know how that works, and why you fall for it every time, there are bio-chemical reasons for it, and there are conditioning reasons for it, but you have to protect yourself from him, and also don't hold his actions against everyone else.
You are emotionally and bio-chemically attached to him, and he knows it takes you several weeks, actually as much as 5 years in some cases, to completely get over a relationship.
That is not healthy, although men may have to do that to some women just to get her to play along, that turns into abuse.
He probably misses you. If he is indifferent after having sex with you then he is missing your body more. And yes, some guys say some things out of anger. Expecially if it's as a result of a betrayal. If betrayal is the case and he realy loves you , his mind will swing back and forth. It will take a lot of grace for his heart to completely accept you but it's possible. Don't get dejected.
I have been in that exact situation with 2 exs and reacted exactly like he did.
From that I would say that this is not anything against you directly but that he knows it's over and yet wanted to be back in that "good times" again for one night then realised afterwards how uncomfortable and conflicted as sleeping together opened some old wounds that makes him feel hurt, hollow and needing to be away from that.
I recommend giving him space, he has your number and will contact you if he wants.
Although overall I you both should take that as a goodbye and allow both of you to move on with your lives. If you both do start to speak again, offer to listen and talk about the night, if he doesn't want to, then respect that and allow him to heal / deal as he needs to.
Guys don't need an emotional connection for sex like women do, so he likely really means it. He might care some but if he knows he wants nothing more with you again he will not say it because he knows you'll cling to that and want him back. Like you said, it was a hook up, nothing more. You were probably the only (or easiest) person at the time so he'll travel that distance no problem.
sex with the ex can be confusing. dont confuse him driving far with him caring for you. He's doing it purely for his own pleasure and/or ego with no regard for how you feel. I suggest completely stopping communication with him. His comments sound like him just being clear.
Maybe the magic is gone for him and he just isn't into you anymore. Or maybe the sex has gotten old. Do you suck and swallow? Do you do anal? If not, there's a good chance he is getting those things from someone else.