Here is a question for the Christian's on GAG. I recently came to like my close female freind of two years. What do you think of my story?

She is a cute shy homeschooled women. When we met two years ago I freindzoned her hard because I never even considered her a possible date because I did not consider her my type. A small social group formed of 6 of us 3 girls 2 guys. If you can guess what happened scroll down and comment what you think will happen in the group. Anyways I got close to her, her sis and best freind. We go to a concert and the guy says put your arm over the person next to you. We always hug goodbye so I thought sure why not. Then he mentioned that the guys were happy because this was their chance. I panicked cause her mom was with us and chickened out. I expected her to just put her arm around me no problem. She did not move. I'm guessing she froze also. The next week the group fell apart. Long story short her best freind and the other girl realized that I was keeping the group together and somewhat controlling communication because everyone was complaining to me and because I'm a guy and no guy is never any good. So they shot the middle man that was holding it all together quite soon the group fell apart. The girl that I like had joined in giving me the silent treatment with her best freind and sis. I messaged her hello and she messaged me Hi!. She never replied back after that until latter. Now I'm feeling betrayed and wondering if I'm going to be friends with her and her sis. I decide to, and for the first time she actually helped me clean up. Later that month her sister got sick so we awkwardly get more used to talking alone. We were friends again so why do I still always want to be with her? I had started liking her more. When I asked God why I like her it might kill my friendship in my prayers he was silent. At church when I was focused on God I felt him say that "I needed to". A retreat came up two weeks latter. During my quiet time alone there. I asked God why her why can't I meet someone new to date? I don't want to risk my friendship with her that I just reestablished.

Updates:
I quickly felt a strong sence of betrayal and the words "How dare you! You ask for a Good and Godly women to cross into your path and when she does. All you can say is why her." in a subtle and hurt voice. The next day we had a nice hike and I walked along side her. We are still awkward around each other but I talked with her a bit before panicking and running on ahead to scramble up a big rock to climb. After that I'm not sure why but I could just not stop admiring her the rest of the trip. My
My eyes would just subconsciously wonder over to her. As we left we all hugged goodbye but she gave me an unusually long hug. On the way back I talked with my mates and they said give it a month. I waited a month and now I have decided that I'm going to go for her. Never before have I had a complete green light from God to go after a women before. Now the hard part is getting out of her freindzone after all I was one of the girls for a semester. Any good suggestions Gagers?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I know how you feel. I have asked God that very same question about the relationship I am in now. My boyfriend and I were great friends for some time before we got into a relationship. I'd fallen for him a few months after he and I met and I couldn't understand why since, like you, I thought he wasn't my type. I prayed about it and prayed about it. I didn't want to lose the friendship I had with him but there was an undeniable sense of love for him that kept growing every time I saw him. I never got a clear answer about why so when he asked me to be his girlfriend, I followed my heart and said yes. As time went on and the roller coaster that is love went on, I found myself asking God if there was anyway my boyfriend and I could go back to being "just friends" and I could meet someone new to date. It wasn't because I wasn't in love with my boyfriend because I was (and still am) but I didn't want to loose the one friend that I knew I could trust with anything. Furthermore, I didn't want to hurt him or myself.

    This time God gave me an answer. I couldn't stop caring and loving my boyfriend because we are meant to be.

    So here is my advice to you... build your friendship with her first. Once you feel you have a strong friendship again, try to imagine how you would feel if she moved away and you never got to see her again. How would you feel? If the thought of losing her makes you physically sick then you love her and need to tell her how you feel and ask her to be your girlfriend. If you are only upset by the idea then you are probably better to just stay as friends.

    Also, look for a reason that God may have brought you back into her life and her into yours. For example: Is there some type of healing that you need support going through? Did she have something bad happen to her that you could help her work through? If you can think of something that would allow you to support her or her to support you then God may have brought you back together so that you can be there for each other throughout all the things life throws at you.

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    • Thanks for sharing your story writergirl17. It is encouraging knowing that I'm not the only one who has been through this and thanks for the advice.
      I actually did not have room to fit the rest into the question so I'm actually about two months ahead of it. Recently we have become close freind again and were not awkward with each other with or without her sis, In fact several times we have left the group talking and gone off to play our own games of pingpong. I have also started appropriately touching her and complementing her. I try to do it when were as alone as possible. I also try and get the door for her when I can. I'm not sure if she actually likes it when I complement her she just says aw thank you. I was actually hoping to get a reaction from her sis or best freind but so far they have been oddly quiet. In a few weeks I'm actually planning on telling her that I like her and that I'm planning on asking her out soon. But hey no pressure if she wants to stay freinds then we will

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    • I'd like to hear about how this relationship progresses. I'm Christian, and I hear several words that create concern... fear... roller coaster.

      I've heard of a relationship ( Christian) that turned out very well once they commited. But my prior relationship with a Christian woman was a mess. I learned, and I think you will be surprised to discover how "God" works in relationships to cleanse, expose, and grow you in love. He doesn't mind allowing suffering (its what was asked for in the Garden) as that is what produces faith (lookup the Bible quote). What I found is the sub conscious minds of the male and female are what attracts and in those minds are wounds from childhood. The little children are drawn to familiarity, which can often be... not good. The rollercoaster is a bad sign if it is frequent and sharp. 1 John 4:18. "There is no love in fear... perfect love casts out fear".

    • It's interesting you say that

Most Helpful Guy

  • Okay, so I get that you just want christian GaGers, but I'm gonna post anyway because I'm just like that.

    To start off with you sound like your more anxious about asking a girl out on a date then *I* am. And I'm pretty bad.

    " When I asked God why I like her it might kill my friendship in my prayers he was silent. "

    That's because talking to a fictional being tends to not have them talk back. and when they do...
    " God I felt him say that "I needed to". "
    ...
    " "How dare you! You ask for a Good and Godly women to cross into your path and when she does. All you can say is why her." "

    It's usually seen as a sign for mental issues. Which, we've already acrued that there's some social anxiety here.

    I have a hypothetical question for you, Why is it, if you like a girl as a friend, that you might begin to like her as something more if you tend to spend more time with them? I could talk to you about propinquity but I won't go there (google it! google it!), I will instead just say that If you spend a lot of time around someone then you may begin to like them like that, If I spent that much time around someone, and I actually enjoyed that time, I would want to spend more and more time with them. It's how friendships and eventually relationships are formed. (Propinquity).

    To answer your actual question, " Any good suggestions Gagers? "

    Don't tell her that God told you she was the one for you, I dunno about you but if someone told me that they'd like'd me for awhile but never said anything just because of a social structure of me not being their type, and they decided to go out with me only after God told them too, it would make me feel like they only wanted me because their fictional buddy told them too.

    Just, go ask her out on a date.

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    • Thanks for you comment. I could have done without your negative thoughts on my religion though. I did not say that God told me to ask her out. I said that he said I needed to feel that way that I do towards her. I typed it out and posted it more for me that you guys. I actually wish that I made it a mytake so I would have more room.
      I'm actually asking just for advice on how to get out of the freindzone with a shy girl that I have known for a year. With out suprising her or making her feel betrayed.
      Thanks for your advice 7heDubz.

    • Just go ask her out,

      " Hey, I've been liking you for awhile and I've been to shy about it to ask you, but doo you ant to go out sometime? "

      Sorry about the negativity, I just like to think there's hope.

    • Thanks for the hope mate it is ok I have heard worse, and don't worry I'll get a psych exam sometime. lol

What Girls Said 4

  • When it comes to dating a woman that is Godly and so in love with Jesus you need to take things slow. I really think you should go for it but don't be like "be my girlfriend." "Let's go on a date" no no no no nooo! When it comes to dating us women (I'm a Christian as well) we are extremely cautious on who we go for. We do what you do. We pray to god to show us and bring the right man in our path. So... I would say, ask to hang out at the movies or something. Take small steps. Slowly build the friendship into something more! And remember do it at God's timing, not yours. AND always pray about it.

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    • Thanks for your opinoin Sunflower19 and good advice reminding me that it is all in Gods timing.
      We already hang out do things and go to the movies fairly regularly. How do you suggest I get her to see me more as some one she wants to date if I just keep doing the same things? I'm already her freind of two years how do I build that into something more?

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    • Well I actually did not get to fit the rest in. I'm actually two months ahead of the story I actually did not have room to fit the rest into the question so I'm actually about two months ahead of it. Recently we have become close freind again and were not awkward with each other with or without her sis, In fact several times we have left the group talking and gone off to play our own games of pingpong. I have also started "appropriately" touching her and complementing her. I try to do it when were as alone as possible. I also try and get the door for her when I can. I'm not sure if she actually likes it when I complement her she just says aw thank you usually with a smile. I was actually hoping to get a reaction from her sis or best freind but so far they have been oddly quiet. I'm at complementing her probably in a week or two I will try flirting with her more. Telling her complements that a freind would not say like she has really beautiful eyes.

    • Our church has events planned till August so we will see each other about once or twice a week. Sorry I ment to put about a month I'll try flirting with her.

  • God always has a plan for each and every one of us. It doesn't mean she is close to you means she is for you, or God sends her to you. I don't know how she feels but to me it sounds like she likes the fellowship but nothing more too serious. I am very close to my Christian brothers too but I've a boyfriend.

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    • I never said that she was just for me. I said that he put her in my path and gave me those feelings for a reason. That reason could be so I try, fail and learn for the next time or it could be for her benefit. I honestly dont think that she has ever had a guy go for her yet. What ever the reason is it is in God's plan. Unlike you we are both single. I'm also very close with most of the women at my church in my young adult group. And I was perfectly happy single until I started getting feelings for her. She is my close friend and I will do my best to make sure I don't hurt her. It is not just the fellowship with me that she likes. She is also my good friend.

  • She is not ready

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    • I actually did not have room to fit the rest into the question so I'm actually about two months ahead of it. Recently we have become close freind again and were not awkward with each other with or without her sis, In fact several times we have left the group talking and gone off to play our own games of pingpong. Now I really wish that I made this a mytake so I could fit it all. So what makes you say that she is not ready? Honestly I don't think I'm quite ready either any advice for when we are ready?

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    • Yea emotionally and mentally, you two are not very confident with other so it ain't gonna happen like the big bang

    • Probably neither of us have dated much. It will happen over time. I don't expect it to happen all in one day.

  • God has more important issues to sort out than your dating life!
    A/w joking aside, I don't think that girl is that interested in you.
    You can try asking her out if you want, but I think she only sees you as a friend.
    I hope I am wrong.

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    • Currently she most likely does only see me as a friend. I'm hoping to change that a bit before I ask her out. Any suggestions on how I can work my way out of her friendzone?

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    • Thanks for the advice

    • You're welcome. Good luck.

What Guys Said 4

  • I'm a little lost reading this flow and what is going on behind the scenes, but...

    I'd look at some videos on how to get out of the friend zone, that may add color. Reality is, girls try to differentiate who is "into them" and who isn't. If you are not into them (e. g. you want into her space and mate with her or she sees you as a mate), then you are friend zoned. So, you will have to do things that produce feelings in her of tension, passion, desire.

    I think our purpose in life is to learn how to love and return to God. So she was put in your path, possibly to love her and to learn and grow. It doesn't necessarily mean she is the one to marry and such, time will tell if it gels.

    Ever wonder why churches don't read this verse very often:

    1 Corinthians 7:8 Now to the unmarried[a] and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. [I think he was sayng so that they stay focused on serving God vs distracted by the needs of mates and offspring which may limit them].

    1 Corinthians 7:28 But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.

    He goes onto talk about how suffering is good though as it produced faith...

    I agree with the girl below except about complementing her more. I wouldn't do that, you already do that. I've given tips on how to talk to her before so wont' repeat them. I'd expect to fail hard, but possible she'll come around in time.

    Good luck!

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    • Yeah I just typed this instead of going nutz. It is hard to think about anything else and when your fasting media very few things take your mind off of her. I should have made this a mytake instead of a question so I would have more room.
      Thanks for the scriptures but you left out the next part of the first one.
      9 But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion
      You also for got the first part of the second one.
      25 Now about virgins: I have no command from the Lord, but I give a judgment as one who by the Lord’s mercy is trustworthy.
      He is talking about the singles when he mentions virgins and he is saying that he is giving his opinion in the letter.
      Thanks for the wise advice and luck Lightbulb27 and yup it will take time.

  • I don't think I fully understand your question. What is it that you're asking God? For a new relationship? For mending your injured friendship with these girls? What?

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    • In the question I'm not asking God for anything but answers. I'm asking you guys for advice on how I sadly get out of the friendzone with her. The ending of this story is old. I actually have mended my friendships with the girls that I can. There is only one that I can't because she won't even talk to any of us. Right now I'm asking God should I try and court her and try to date her. So far I have been given a green light which is not really normal for me to get.

  • Lmfaooo

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    • Well I'm glad that you found my story amusing at least.

  • No suggestions, but good luck to you ;)

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