How do I politely tell this girl who's acting super clingy to slow down?

Two weeks ago I started seeing this girl off Happn and she's very cute and we have a bit in common but I feel that she is smothering me and very intrusive.

I say this because she has been blowing up my phone literally every day since we first met.

When we try to schedule dates, she'll ALWAYS ask if I still want to see her despite asking her for a date or me agreeing to meet up.

If im not available to hang out a certain day, but suggest another day or say I can't hang out today but I'm still down for this day, she'll throw a fit, ask if I still wanna see her or accuse me of seeing other people.

She also sends nudes through snapchat to get my attention and the funny thing is when we made out on the first date, she stopped and asked me if I'm not just looking for a hookup. Even after we left on our last date, she texted me saying she misses me and wished I could cuddle at her place and then texted me to hang out the day after when she said she was going out of town that weekend.

Im supposed to meet her tonight, but I'm kinda hesitant. I'm open to seeing her more but if she keeps acting like this, I'm out. How do I tell her to slow it down without insulting her or coming off as stand offish?

I've never even been in a serious relationship and while I am looking for one eventually, I am in no means wanting to rush into one and this is turning me off. I used to think I was the needy one back in the day but I do have a life outside of dating.

Had my 3rd date with her last night and the weird thing is she doesn't act this way in person but only through text. The date itself went fine and I couldn't find a time to address her acting this way.

But soon as the date ended, she sends a text 5 mins later saying if you're not into me, let me know at least. I felt cornered.


Most Helpful Girl

  • I believe you already know what to do. You need to just let her know that honestly even if it does hurt her. This is a learning lesson for her, and you shouldn't have to put yourself down because your concerned about how she feels. I may seem polite of you to think that, but you can already see that this relationship isn't going anywhere. She is going to keep acting like this because she is needy and insecure. Nobody should be blowing up your phone when you just want privacy. If she is sending you nudes and everything, that is a clear sign to bail out A. S. A. P. She believes sex is what's going to keep you. Don't bother, just run. Those are the signs of girls you need to avoid. They bring drama, trouble, stress and a whole lot of baggage. She has no solid foundation of what a real relationship is like.

    • Yep, every girl that has sent me nudes before meeting me or just early on without really knowing each other turned out to be crazy.

      But the fact that I told this girl that I rescheduled to hang on the weekend due to lots of interviews last week, as I'm looking for a job, and she still acts pushy and insecure is a major red flag. I mean it's not like I said no, I can't hang out. Looking for a job right now is a priority and if someone can't respect that, then I don't need to be around that person.

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    • Way too soon for us to be official

    • I can understand that. But that is what she is thinking in her head.

Most Helpful Guy

  • Tell her to text the way she behaved on the 3rd date last night.

    • Haha right but I told her things were moving too fast and she seemed oblivious

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    • You're welcome. I ended up not texting her anymore.

      Some people would say dude a girl who texts you all the time is better than one who doesn't. It's not a black and white thing. It isn't either a girl is super clingy or she's a flake. There is middle ground.

    • While I do agree with those people on that to a point, you also need to have your sanity.


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What Girls Said 4

  • im not sure what to say bc if she's comfortable like this then she is and she should not change. its not for you thats clear, but i think that means you guys are not compatible. why make her feel bad about who she is just bc you dont like t. the fact she likes it means some people do. so id just let her go on her way. its not your job to 'correct' her behavior or tell her how to t., thats how id handle it anyhow. as far as im concerned the guys who e is. i like it or i dont. unless is bc he's disrespecting me. then id tell him. but she's not being disrespectful. he's just very eager. you find it annoying but she's not doing anything wrong. you can say what yo need but don't confuse that with how she should act.

    that might be a way to go. tell her whats important to you. then let her decide if that conflicts with whats important to her:)

    please do NOT say she's doing x y z. thats just combative and attacking and cowardly.. when really you should talk about YOU.

    • That's my point. I wanna tell her to slow it down without saying being clingy, needy, smothering, etc.

      And I'm not saying she's a bad person or is doing anything wrong but I thought it was a little too much, when I told her I could hang out today instead of Friday and she said Jesus fucking Christ Sunday it is then.

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    • That's because she wanted to get fuked on Friday. You sound like a woman

    • @joseyyywhales go fuck yourself. You sound like one of those guys who looks at every woman as an opportunity for the sex and brags about it. Did it ever occur to you that sex isn't everything? Just because someone's hot or a good lay doesn't mean they're great relationship material.

  • So tell her she is coming on too strong, and if she doesn't respond in a decent way, then just end the relationship. Best to be upfront than let it keep going on.

    • Yeah I had my 3rd date with her last night and she didn't act like this in person but as soon as it ended, she sent a text saying if you're not into me at least let me know.

    • She's super insecure and wants constant reassurance.

    • Yeah I can't deal with that.

  • Tell her.. tell her to slow down and she's coming off too strong.

    • I told her we need to slow down and she's like what do you mean? I said I'm interested but I feel like we're moving too fast for just getting to know each other and she's like ok, I didn't know we were moving too fast.

    • Did she understand what you meant? rofl because honestly some people can repeat what you say and continuously act the same way with no change.

  • Whoa!!! She is coming off very insecure needy and desperate!!
    I think the real question is, do you wanna be with someone like this?

    If so, then I'd be REAL honest and give her a reality check! She'll appreciate your honesty over just vanishing (Which a lot of men would do if they were in this situation lol) seriously in just 2 weeks of dating, this is extremely crazy behavior. IMHO you are better of running away NOW!!

    • Yeah there's being into someone and then there's obsession and just hoarding someone. It's not a black and white thing. It's not like a person is either flaky or clingy, there's middle ground. And to the people saying I'm being a pussy or an asshole if I acted this way towards ANY woman, they'd run for the hills.

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    • Makes sense! And it's a great thing you want a relationship but don't need one! That's a healthy way you be! Keep us posted if you talk to her.

    • Will do. And to be honest, in the past I have dated some girls that I had no attraction to or just no spark just because they were interested, nice, or I just wasn't having luck with the ones I was actually into and honestly it was a waste of time and made me feel desperate. It did not make me happier.

      Some people might insist being with anyone is better than being alone, but I definitely did not feel that way in that case.

What Guys Said 8

  • Ok. So...
    Put this girl on the back burner and see other people. You've already been clear when you're free and when you're not. It's a respect issue at this point. You have to be firm and direct, without thinking about being polite. You don't have to be a dick, but polite is exactly what you've been doing and she's not receiving. Personally, to me her personality sounds like a girl that is either really damaged from an ex and you're in for a whirlwind that you don't want to take part in. Or she's talking to other guys (high possibility btw) and this is her trying to emotionally manipulate you as a way to pressure you to be that good guy that will never leave her and promise to never hurts her no matter what. Getting you to bend over backwards to do so.

    She's pushing you into a box.

    • Yeah I think I'm just gonna call it off. I told her things were moving too fast and she was totally oblivious.

    • *pounds chest before pointing* Good call

  • things like this are best communicated in person.. that way your body language can say one thing... (holding her hand tight)... while you tell her what's bothering you.

    telling someone through text or even on the phone makes it really easy for them to take it like a headshot and even block you in some cases...

    • Yeah I even felt cornered when she texted me and said if you're not into me, let me know at least. She could have worded that better.

    • quit texting

      call when I have something to say. otherwise it's going to create problems that were never there

  • She seems a lot pushy and i think that she might think that she could keep you by sending you nudes and etc. This might hurt her or both of you, but better tell her how you feel rather than going along with it. The truth is always better even if it hurts.

    • Yeah I'll let her know that if I'm gonna keep seeing her then the insecurities have to stop.

    • Yeah. Tell her you want to slow things down. Things like that can't be rushed.

  • Sounds like every women ever lol. She's comfortable with you and looks like she's unsure if she should be.

    • Haha nope not every woman ever. I've dated women who kept in touch and would talk every other day that still wanted to see me but not to that extent.

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    • Most girls get clingy like this some time in the relationship. I like that stage because I'm a fan of giving women attention. And the sex that comes with it...

      Bro quit being a pussy and just smash her

    • the fuck does this have to do with being a pussy? I do wanna smash her of course but I don't think I'm ready for a relationship just yet especially since we just met 2 weeks ago.

      And we're not in a relationship so this is not normal that early on.

  • Who cares? Just root and leave. She'll get over it. (In NZ root means fuck) It;'s better for things to be light and breezy and flirty

  • Keep seeing her... Her cares dude, act brash if you need to but keep it up, she sends nudes :') smash her before you ghost her at least you legend.

  • Give her to me! I don't mind clingy women, I just don't know how to impress them.

    • You say that till it happens to you.

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    • I'm desperate to be loved. I don't care if she doesn't fuck me for the rest of my life, I want to be loved.

    • Dude I'll be straight with you. That mentality won't help at all. I'm no expert with women but from personal experience, any time I've acted needy or desperate in the past, that hurt my chances even more.

  • If I were you I wouldn't be complaining. I don't mind when a girl is clinging unless she is telling you every little problem she is having.

    • I left out a few important details. Last week I had lots of interviews and plans and told her when I was free and then she'd still get pushy. That seems rather intrusive and pushy. She did this despite that I told her what days I'm free.