Should I throw in the towel?

I've gone out with this girl a couple of times along with some friends of her. I recently asked her if she'd be willing to hang out for one study break this past weekend, since we're both in college. She declined due to an alleged "friend's birthday party" that she needed to attend to. Today I came across her, right after coming out of the gym as she was on her way to class we made some small talk and there was definitely eye contact! Later I texted if she wanted to go for dinner this weekend ( I gave her an option of two days)...she took a while to reply "saying that she was going to Houston to see someone"...and thanked me for inviting her though...(I responded: my pleasure!) So what do you think should I quit or try a bit more later on...

Also this girl had an ex...and as far as I am concerned she is single! We have good chemistry! But how to know if she is telling me "try harder stupid" or just simply "not interested"


Most Helpful Guy

  • Definitely lost a couple of points when you said, "my pleasure." It's almost like you thanked her for declining your offer. I'm going to say flat out that she's not interested, why? Because you asked her out, you didn't "INVITE" her. -...- It's hard to tell what's happening via., text, so many people rather you ask them in person, shows a little more confidence as well. But you have to check your own flow of text messages, the longer it takes her to reply the more she's either considering it or busy responding to other messages to get to yours.

    But put yourself in her shoes if you really want a answer, she does not like you, but does not have the confidence to say she doesn't like you. So she lies, so far she's probably lied twice. Something you would do if you didn't like someone. Second, she had to think about whether or not she wanted to hang out with you, and the best excuse available to get out of it. That would explain the pause. But you still can't be sure, from a text message.

    I say you drop back down to first gear, and start looking else where. Don't ask her out a third time, because now your coming off as really desperate.


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What Girls Said 1

  • If she was really, really interested, she'd work around her plans or suggest alternate dates to hang out. I'm guessing, based on the fact that she keeps sending her regrets, that she's either apathetic, or just not interested but not brave enough to let you down. If that doesn't bother you, then I guess keep trying, but if you'd rather date a girl who's actually really excited to see you and hang out with you, you might want to look elsewhere.

    Her talking to you and being polite and friendly isn't necessarily a sign of interest - most girls will be nice to you just because they want to be nice to everybody. However, her initiating things, like complimenting you, teasing you, or asking YOU out are signs of interest. Learning to tell the difference is difficult, but it'll help in the long run.


What Guys Said 5

  • The fact that she was "going to Houston" after you gave her a choice of two days is suspicious. She might not be interested. See if she initiates the conversation or seems happy to talk to you next time. If not, she's missed out on you; just move on.

    Also, were you flirting with her? How good are your bantering skills? Read this article: link and practice it. It works. I suck at it, but I'm trying to get better. When you can banter in a flirty way with a girl (playfully teasing her, playfully accusing her of "wanting you," playfully showing that you're a high-status guy other girls are into), it shows her that you're fun and relaxed, and can even make her more attracted to you.

    In any case, keep meeting girls, keep practicing and don't be discouraged. Best of luck.

    • Here's a better article about banter: Really, try this. See what it does for you : )

  • Girls are hardly ever assertive enough to reject you flat out.

    They will always be conveniently busy when you are available & say thanks I would but I have [insert lame excuse here] so I won't be able to...

    Try harder stupid? lmao... how about DONT TRY SO HARD STUPID


    it's possible she's actually just really busy, who knows...

    by the way what makes you think you have really good chemistry? you went out with her in a group of friends... you haven't dated this chick... it seems like as far as she's concerned your chemistry is ice cold...

    you might try just playing it cool & seeing if she changes her mind, but she's not interested in you at the moment or she'd make time.

    if she really was very busy but she was interested in you she would let you know when she was available & ask you if you can go out then... but she isn't

  • Does she know your interested in her? Because that solves a lot of problems. If your not clear about your intent, while YOU may notice all this chemistry and eye contact, she might not... You have to be clear with your intent so that she doesn't think your asking her out as a friend.

    Once you are clear with the intent you will know if she likes you or not, meeting a girl should never be work, if your working to find time to meet each other something is wrong. If the girl can't see a good thing when its in front of her its time to move on...

  • ok, first of all you're bieng too obvious, which isn't a bad thing unless a girl isn't head over heels for you. try ignoring her a bit, but not bieng a jerk tho. that "my pleasure!" thing was a bit pathetic, no offense. if she's bieng somewhat of a bitch and playing hard to get or something, try doing the same thing to her. girls want what they can't have, they definately don't want a guy who is desperate for them, especially not in college! cool things out a bit, don't ask her out, but make sure she knows you're going out and maybe flirting with other girls. if you're with her or something don't act desperate around her, just play it cool and don't always give her your utmost attention.

    in other words: play it down a notch, don't act desperate..., and make sure SHE KNOWS that you know that there are many other girls around and she's not the only one. but every once in a while drop a few hints. this strategy has never failed me, I hope it doesn't fail you.

  • I say cut her loose- she's proving to you that she could care less about you. Stop chasing after her... for your sanity's sake.