Who decide that there is or there isn't chemistry? If there isn't why only one person say that and the other thinks the contrary? Who is wrong?

I usually get rejected by girl with a lot of lies (you deserve better, not want to ruin the friendship, i am not looking for a relationship now, etc), then other say there is no chemistry. But since I feel really attracted to them, I feel chemistry. I do not understand what's going on.
Am I wrong? and if I am wrong why I am not able to understand when there is and there is not the chemistry. Are they wrong? Or chemistry does not exist, it is just due to the movies we see or books we read and it is just fictional?
Who decided if there is chemistry or not?
Usually when I reject someone I do not thing about spark and chemistry (also because I am not even sure what they are). If there is no chemistry both should not feel it. Why is always only one person that does not feel chemistry? It is just another excuse like not ruin the friendship?


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What Girls Said 1

  • You aren't wrong, you feel what you feel, but for a functional healthy relationship both people need to feel the connection. The spark is more than just physical attraction. It's a variety of things that differ from person to person. I would rather someone just say it's not right than either make excuses or stay in a relationship that's not right.
    You could be in love with falling in love. It's less about the mutual connection and more about they way you hope a person act with you.

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    • So chemistry does not exist? It is just another way to say "you deserve better, I do not want to ruin our friendship, I am not looking for a relationship right now.." ?

    • I thought I was clear. It is a real thing. It is the part of attraction that isn't easily explainable. It can be composed of many aspects and be part of connection in general. It is something that is necessary in both parties, for a healthy relationship. Just because you feel something does not mean that other must feel the same way.

      Honestly I won't give a reason to a guy I'm not interested in. No matter what I say they will get angry. If I try to give a reason they always want more information and will argue with me. They even get verbally abusive.

    • Thank you for your answer. I appreciate that are you trying to make me understand.

      I though chemistry was related to MUTUAL connection. So someone feel chemistry if there is a mutual connection. But since usually there is one that feel chemistry while the other no, maybe is just another way of saying of I am or I am not interested in you.

      I am just confused because the term chemistry is intrinsically related to the connection, and if there is not connection both of them should not feel it, instead the fact that one is interested in someone else is personal and it is normal that can be no mutual.

What Guys Said 2

  • Relationships form from mutual attraction. If you are having difficulty forming a relationship, perhaps there is something about your personality or appearance that is unattractive to most women. The phrasing of your question tells me that you are ignorant of social conventions and also angry because you have not been able to form a relationship. The reasons women give you for not wanting to date you are not lies, they are a social convention. No woman owes you a true explanation of why they do not want to date you. If you want to be more attractive to women, you must do the following:
    1) admit that YOU have a problem. There is a reason you are not successfully dating, while other young men are successful.
    2) identify the problem. Talk to friends or maybe see a therapist
    3) work on the problem.

    My self-esteem was about zero in my twenties. When I started liking myself more, I was able to like other people and suddenly dating was fun and easy.

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    • Thanks for your answer, but I have a girlfriend. At the moment I do not have this kind of problem. I asked this question because it happened to me in the past, and still not get it.

      Well, using social convention does not mean that they are not lyng. And I think you know that. I know that they are saying this to be nice and not to hurt my feeling, but also if it is for a good reason and because are good girl, a lie is still a lie.

      My question is not about that. I do not care if they lie or not. I want to know about the chemistry thing. What it is? Who is right? And if this is another of the social convention that are used to not hurt people feelings.

  • The person who believes there is not Chemistry (I. E. often me) is correct.

    That's why it's such a stupid concept.

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