There is this girl that is really obsessed with me. She texts me everyday, constantly tries to get me to hang out with her, every time I see her she is really shy but never leaves my side. Her friends told me she liked me (although its pretty obvious, they didn't need to tell me), and I would be willing to date her but she is a little overweight and it is a really big turn off to me. On top of that she doesn't work out to try to get rid of the problem which I dont understand, especially since I used to be husky but worked really hard at the gym to lose that weight. I gave up drinking soda, eating fast food, and most carbs in order to keep myself in shape, the least she could do is try to lose a little weight.
I dont want to be a jerk about it because I'm not that kind of guy, but at the same time I'm not really attracted to her because of this issue. She has potential, she's a really cool girl and her face is attractive, she's just overweight and that turns me off (I'm not about the "curvy" girls as the PC media puts it, I like them skinny). What should I do?
Also, just because I've seen questions regarding overweight women in the past, I know the response I will get from a portion of people, if you are not going to give me a reasonable answer then please dont comment, I'm looking for answers, not someone to berate me for my views. Thanks.
Well, being overweight is not good. She should be encouraged to lose weight whether she dates you or not. Being healthy is important.
With that being said, you don't know if she had a eating disorder or a disorder that makes her fat. So trying to suggest weight loss while having a disorder would probably hurt her feelings.
You can't help who you get attracted to, so you're not at fault for how you feel towards her. However, if she is not willing to help herself, there should be no reason you gotta take the job.
You can try to bring it up casually and ask about her fitness regime. Be very subtle in how you approach it. See how she respond and feels about working out and being healthy. If she wants to but doesn't know how, encourage her to work out. Try working out with her. Get her healthy, because maybe what she needs is a partner. However, if her overall attitude towards it is not positive or she doesn't want to, then you have your answer.
Or you can try loving her for her. But attraction is something you cannot help, and you're not at fault for it.
We're allowed to have preferences. Way I understood this you like her but this one thing is holding you back from being physically attracted to her. Which is often a pretty important part for being in a romantic relationship.
Honestly mate this is a rough one. You could drop a hint or two about how she'd be dropping jaws if she toned up a bit but aside from lighthearted remarks you're probably toast. Unless you play the friendship card but then there is the risk you and her will be permanently friendzoned.
I wouldn't even tell her that. Her friends will jump on you and you may get a reputation as shallow. Which isn't deserved; you're allowed to have your preferences, especially since you worked so hard on your own fitness. But consider that she may be happy how she is.
I don't know what to tell you. Don't keep her as an "investment" or anything; don't keep her around with the hopes that she'll someday be what you want. But at the same time, unless she openly asks you out or something, you can't really give her an unsolicited rejection. I don't know.
It Is obvious here, dear, that you don't Accept her Unconditionally, and unless she drops weight in the future, she is like some embarrassment as Well, I can Tell, to you. Keep her as a Friend, nothing more. Don't try and Start Something that you know you will not finish. If you cannot take her as she is, for it has to be Someone on their Own accord to Make up their own Mind to lose weight, then leave things as they Are, and hopefully she will Worship another guy who is Not... Afar. Maybe That guy will see her as someone Beautiful, Inside and Out. Good luck. xx
Tell her something along the lines of "I've come to the realization that I'm a massive tool who values looks over everything else and don't belong in your life. Thanks for being a decent person and sorry I can't be one in return."
Look, if you're not attracted-- you're not attracted and that's just the way it is. No harm, no foul. I think you shouldn't worry about it and just find someone you're already attracted to.
The girl in question might be happy the way she is and shouldn't change for anyone. Or maybe there's a medical issue or?
Anyway, it's better to just go for what you're attracted to right off than have someone to change to your liking. What if you actually dated for awhile and then she stopped working out and gained the weight back? What would you do then?
Just move on to who you're attracted to from the beginning.
You just have to be honest with her. There is no nice way of saying it to her. Maybe something like
"I really like you as a person. You are really nice but I'm not physically attracted to you because of your weight. I've been overweight too and so I know how hard it can be. I'm sorry if that hurts you. You're a really great person."
Just don't say anything. If you're not attracted to her because of her weight, just be friends with her or tell her you're not interested. Don't contribute to giving someone issues because of your own personal standards, just seems unnecessary to me.
The fact that you see her as "potential" is just an awful way start to a relationship. She's going to feel like she has to constantly strive to be good enough for you and you're going to feel like she's not good enough for you. Just seems like a really stupid situation to put yourself or her in.
If you don't like her back, tell her nicely and do not put weight into the conversation since a lot of women are sensitive about their weight. (I'm also guilty of that, even though I am skinny). Just tell her nicely that you like and value her as a person but you just don't feel the same way. If you put weight into the conversation... well, you know very well how that's going to go down.
There is no really nice way to say it. But be honest to her since she is bugging you a lot. Just say you don't find her attractive because of her extra weight. She will either get upset or take The advice from you. Keep it short and simple.
There is a perfect solution to your problem : when she is texting you or when you two are talking, start a topic on a celebrity or someone famous, maybe from a movie so you can start with how awesome the movie is and then mention a fit actress and say how she has a great body and you can tell she works out a lot and that you appreciate that in a girl/only type you find attractive, something along those lines.
Now either she will back off, or she'll start working out and you didn't even have to call her out directly on her weight. :)
You will lose her the moment you tell her that... there is no nice way. It's hard enough for loved ones to say something, so a simple crush has worse chances. Since you used to be heavier, you need to remember what it was like back then. Likely, you probably wouldn't have taken such criticism well so empathize. You have a decision to make. It's yes or no pursue her. It's not a good idea to pursue someone you aren't attracted to now.
I'm not going to berate you but I think it's kind've a lost cause with this girl. I don't think you like her for the right reasons, and if I'm wrong then I definitely wouldn't mention the weight issue to her but maybe plan some activities you could do with her like hiking, going for walks, going to the gym... things that would burn calories. If you enjoy doing these things together maybe it will spark a lifestyle change in her plus you two are spending time together. You can even cook her dinner and make something low fat and healthy. Anything you can think if to subtly spark a lifestyle change in her. If that doesn't work for you, I think you should really just focus on someone new. She obviously likes how she is and deserves someone who likes that about her too. As well as you deserve somebody you don't have to much so much effort into just to be attracted to. Not the best fit
I understand just say these exact words no more no less: BITCH U FAT LOSE SOME WEIGHT have a nice day.
Honestly, I think you should either wait until she figures out for herself that she's at an unhealthy wait or move on and find someone else. Being chubby myself a few years ago, it hurts a lot to be told that you're overweight, especially from the people you care about the most. When my "best friend" commented about my weight, I started legit starving myself and became depressed. I lost about 10% of my body weight in 2-3 weeks. It would be wiser to inform her about healthy eating and exercising instead of telling her outright that she's overweight and you'd only date her if she lost weight.
There's no nice way... It's basically "you're alright but we can't date unless you lose weight" lol. If anything you can invite her on bike rides and stuff instead, then she'll hopefully just take it as you inviting her to do something.
How would you feel if you were really crazy about some chick and she said she doesn't like you because you're short, or you don't have tattoos, or you're not a bad boy? Her feelings are going to get hurt regardless maybe suggest she join a sport team. But fat women when they lose weight could be twice as attractive when they lose it so you being shallow well come back to bite you in the ass. When she is really hot and super attractive just be nice and suggest she be more active and eat healthier. You should cut out the sugar for a month or we should go jogging or something. But she still might take you as being a shallow jerk.
Ask her to go workout with you, get her interested in sports, if she really likes you, she'll take an excercise date over no date at all. You don't even have to go out and state your purpose to her. After she's lost weight, you're in a steady relationship and all, you could tell her this was your plan, but you don't have to.
Im not experienced in this sorta thing but I would say how you feel and tell her that you will help her exercise and diet. Let her know that you'll be there for her and you're not just making fun of her.