Girls, Ladies how do you feel about jealousy, and control issues?

I've pondered this question for quite a long time, spawned from observations. I'm curious... Are you okay with your man acting jealous, going through your phone, controlling where you go, who you can talk to etc... Also turn the tables around, and what do you think is appropriate for a woman towards a man.. Do you take the same stance on both sides? Do you have a reason that it should be one way for you and another for your partner? What is the reason behind your preference... if you prefer a jealous man why? If you prefer a man who's not like that why?

Updates:
So far almost everyone is against it. I'm glad it came out that way. I'm a little surprised that it's also going the same way for yourselves, you're not okay with being jealous. I personally like to let my partner still have their life, and just add me into it. I don't check phones or give permission, you're a grown woman, do what you do, I trust you. However it doesn't bother me if she doesn't feel the same towards me. I can live with rules, and having my stuff checked, whatever makes her happy

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Most Helpful Girl

  • No I am not okay with. If he is jealous, it is very childish because there shouldn't be reason for him to feel jealous. If he feels like he needs to go through your phone, it is trust issues. And that is a major problem. He does not have the right to control where you go or who you talk to In marriage you talk it out about what they like and don't like and respect each other. You have to have respect. You made vows to each other, this is what it means to be married. But outside of it, it simply depends if they reasoning is correct. Like somebody who robs and steals and your caught in the middle, and they tell you no for a reason before it's too late.

    Women in general just need to respect his desires if she does love him and honors him, as long as it's right. It should never be about anybody's way if your about being with each other. Both needs to have common ground and practice that. I do not like jealously, it's wrong. It does not represent love, it represents a lot of different things that provoke somebody to anger. This should never be done. Jealously god forbid if taken too far can make somebody feel to do other things the other person will not agree with, or lead to illegal matters or worse.

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    • Is there ever a time to be jealous? Would you expect your man to always 100% trust you no matter what, and vice versa? I'm just curious by the way I totally agree with you that jealousy is a hazardous road to travel.

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    • @NatashaBeauty what if he cheated on you to save your life? Like hillary clinton really wants to bone your old man so she hires the worlds greatest assassins to kill you unless he bones her... I mean how could he not? I mean I personally wouldn't because I would just track down the assassins before they could get to you, but not everyone is me.

    • Well that's a whole different scenario. Then I wouldn't mind but if he found like just some random girl on Instagram or something then I'd leave him. So what u said is very plausible.

What Girls Said 21

  • i think its a sign of insecurity which is a turn off.. its nice to know that he cares and gets a little jealous, but taking it over the top is just scary...
    relationships need trust and freedom and respect. being crazy jealous and controlling is not that...

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    • Exactly... insecurity. In my experience when a dude is controlling and jealous like that, it's because he knows that if she gets away for a second there's a chance she'll realize how much better she could do. Dude treats his woman like property, and he's not gonna want her talking to someone who's respecting her. I'm not sure if it's the same for women, honestly most of the women I know who are jealous, are being cheated on, or having something hidden from them. I don't really know many jealous women though. What's your opinion on that? Is there reasonable cause for women? Or it's just the same as with men?

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    • A unique insight into the mind of a woman. I've always been kinda curious of the motivations of women, and wonder if they work the same way men do. Which that statement would make it sound much broader than what we were speaking of, but it's nice to get a womans perspective on it, and interesting to find the same motivation... thank you.

    • ur very welcome :)

  • I have never guessed reason of that kind of jealousy. If you are confident you will never be jealous and if you aren't then what are you doing aside me?
    I am not jealous myself and I don't want him to be jealous as well, I want him to be trustful and If he is not than he's place is with other woman not with me.
    He will go another man will come. Life is simple. I want him to feel happy if I am in the centre of attention of ladies and gentlemen. And I will feel proud of him if he is in the centre of ladies attention as long as I know he's mine no matter how many flies fly across him. It is even better if he is desirable, it means I have a man every woman wants to have. I think it should be same way for him.
    #NoToJealousy

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  • I don't get jealous at all. If he's dumb enough to cheat he knows his ass is getting beat and whatever other female is involved as well. I'm not a fan of jealous partners, I like my space. You can have my phone but don't go through it looking like you don't trust me

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  • Ok, some jealously is fine to an extent. Like if some other guy gives me attention and my boyfriend sees it and tries to step in, that's ok in my book. But really jealous to the point of controling who you hang out with, who you text, where you're going, what you wear, is too much and should never be tolerated by either guy or girl.

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  • Jealousy is fine. Attractive actually but controlling behavior isn't acceptable. And I think that goes for men and women

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  • I am not OK with a jaelous and controlling partner. Slight jealousy is good, shows that he cares for me, but CONTROLLING partner is a big NO NO.
    And i would also never control my man. I mean, i have seen that regardless of gender, no matter who controls their partner, the controlled one always feels suffocated and irritated at it. And it ultimately leads to a break off of the relationship.
    So yeah, we gotta give space to our partners , no matter which gender we are.

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    • That's the best way to have a happy healthy relationship, be two individual people in a relationship, you still have your life he still has his and y'all have your relationship, trusting each other that you can be away from eachother whereever whenever with whoever and neither of you has a single worry... that's peace right there

  • I don't want anyone to invade my privacy. My parents did that to me too much. I don't return the favour either but I do quiz him when he acts odd but I don't control any aspect of his life. We are both grown and acting possessive would make me straight up leave him

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    • How would you need your man to handle this situation.. say you have a guy you've known since you was kids not best friends but in the same group of friends your whole life, and one summer a few years back you hooked up with him, but only for a couple of months, then you went back to friends. He left for a while you met your current boyfriend, then the friend comes back around gets ahold of you and wants to hang out. Would you hang out? Would you let your boyfriend know about the hook up? Is any of it his business? If you hung out with the old friend, and the new boyfriend found out about it, how should he react? Should you be able to just keep it to yourself that you ever hooked up, and not even have to worry about it? Should your boyfriend trust you no matter what? What are your thoughts?

    • I think a boyfriend should trust me as long as I stay honest and do nothing wrong. So in this example, id let him know the story with all the ugly details and I would let him know my feelings. Once everything is out, he should trust me to go and not do anything- since it's not a secret. Secrets are the things that worry me... Cos it'd come out that we hooked up somehow anyway

    • I couldn't agree with you more. I actually was kinda thinking that since it was before you were dating that there's no need to mention, but you're right it would somehow come out eventually and make it look worse that you didn't tell. Absolutely you come out be honest with the man, for one he should already trust you, but letting him know like that should really put his mind at ease. Either way he should trust you, and shouldn't have any problem with it.

  • I had a boyfriend like that he literally cut me of from all of my friends. I think such behavior is inacceptable in any relationship. Trust, respect, care and love should be the foundation of a relationship, and control is the lack of these four. I think insecurity every now and then is a natural feeling as long as we are human, but to act out on it is inacceptable.

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    • I've seen it happen so many times. It's sad to watch someone try to take their lovers life without killing them. I've been through it myself, get out of a long relationship and wonder what happened to my life... I've been completely wrapped up in other peoples lives ignoring my own 3 times, and it wasn't quite like that, it was more finesse but same concept, control who i communicate with, where I go, what I do... but I was willing so I can't really say anything.

  • I had a controlling boyfriend and no I don't think it's ok at ALL
    Girls shouldn't do the same to guys either

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  • Dear god no. I don't want to be with anyone who is incapable of trusting me. I'm a very independent person and I despise being made to feel like a prisoner. The jealousy/control shit is a sure fire way to get me to leave.

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    • I take it you also don't get jealous? Or is there a difference? That seems to be a popular opinion, jealousy and control issues will get you single real quick. I'm single, but not because of jealousy and control issues, just because my life has been so much easier since I got single, and so far out of 33 years so many great starts to relationships but not one has ever worked out. So I figure I'll stay single until I can't help myself. Thanks for your input.

    • No, I'm not particularly jealous.

  • If its on both side of the equation im cool with it:) dont really care if my SO sees my stuff.. better than explaining it all. Plus wouldn't mind seeing his stuff. Except he's techy and im definitely not. Lol

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  • i personally despise control issues on either side of the fence. we are people, not prisoners and being in a relationship is not supposed to make you a prisoner.

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  • That's a huge problem for me and if I was in a relationship with a guy like that, I would believe that 1. He doesn't trust me 2. He sees me as his property. Because of that, I would feel inclined to end it with him.

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  • Only a tiny bit of jealousy is attractive.
    When they get controlling then you break up with them. I HATE controlling people.

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    • I know what you mean like if you happen to be talking to a dude at a restaraunt while your man was in the restroom, and when he comes out he walks up to the guy and says can i help you? like that kinda jealousy? I don't even go there anymore, but it doesn't bother me.

    • Lol, that's pretty funny :D
      That type of jealousy is not bad at all. It's amusing :3

  • I don't like that at all. I want whoever I end up with to be able to trust me, and I want to feel like I can trust them. They do not get to dictate my life and I don't get to dictate theirs, either. It goes both ways, for men and women.
    Also, sometimes possessiveness and trust issues can be a sign of the other person feeling guilty about being dishonest or disloyal. Not always, but sometimes.

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    • So true, and pretty frequently that is the case for sudden jealous behavior, because they know what they've been doing, and if they're doing it of course you probably are to in their head.

    • Yes, that is why it can be a red flag. I also don't see the point in being in a relationship where there is no trust or where one person wants to dictate the other's every move.

  • No, not ok with that stuff.

    I think trust is really important.

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  • I'm okay with that honestly, I'm usually the clingy one

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    • So you're okay with your man being jealous and controlling, but you also tend to be jealous and controlling?

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    • Damn who told you that? Kinda harsh right?

    • Yeah it's kinda harsh, it was this guy that I was seeing but he was older than me and I was clingy.

  • I don't really even understand jealousy. I grew up rich. I still am rich. I've always bee labeled as the girl that has it all. And I'm beautiful intelligent nice and sexy. So I have no reason to be jealous.

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  • There's a thin line between taking initiative (Which is what we essentially want- taking us out, choosing the movie or what to eat) and being controlling (going through our phones, being overly jealous).

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    • lol I don't think the line is all that thin, maybe in some places but going through phones and shit is way over the line, it's two individuals coming together to be a couple not be one person, and that's what happens when someone takes control of your life like that, you lose your own.

  • I have never had a jealous man in my life not only in form of partner but also in my family. Like my father he is really cool ( while that might not be same with many of my friends) . So i guess if my boyfriend is really jealous i m gonna like it for a few months or so but down the road in like a six months or more I won't be able to handle it. I would like him to be a little possessive tho ckz that i guess shows how much he cares about having me in his life but not like a crazy person. Also i like a little dom men so i guess he would have to be attentive regarding it. I surely won't like him to chk my phones n stuff but i would like him to keep n eye n know who i m talking to n stuff. ( since i m very loyal person so ya I would like him to trust me ). For me i m a bit jealous n I won't have him straying around. I give a lot in a rltn i would need the same from the man i m with. But i m quite ok with him having a few female frns as long as he doesn't cross the line ( or make me feel so )

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  • Hate it, there just be trust in a relationship and I feel like jealousy, and one partner being controlling just kind of ruins the trust and the whole relationship.

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