18 male, no experience with girls, and lacking confidence and i need help. I just dont get it. I try my best to talk to girls, but it seems like I can't ever maintain their attention. I've only ever been able to get girl if I am able to make them laugh. If i ever meet somone when im in a mellow mood, i probably seem like a boring person. Only once was i close to getting a girl, and she was a 8.5/10 no joke, but that was just once and i feel like it was a fluke that she liked me at all. we never dated because of circumstances and now she moved to another country. Will i ever be able to find a girl? I feel like i can't because there will always be a guy whos cooler than me. Also because my social life is pretty bad, so I occupy my time with hobbies. I play guitar, write music, audio record, cook, and lift weights, and I draw a little. Im interested in things like politics and philosophy and pokemon. I also play in a one man band. I talked to a girl yesterday, but i feel like I may been kinda too mellow and i couldn't make any jokes to make her laugh. what do i do?
Most Helpful Guy
Keep working at that social side and don't just target it to young women, make friends of all sorts. It helps you figure out what's appealing about your character to other people.
As for confidence, wanting girls too desperately is one of the ultimate killers of confidence. You tend to be at your best when you're not trying so hard to impress the first girl who chats with you. You might even try teasing them a bit -- really treat them like ordinary people.
It's probably why it tends to be easier to get increasingly successful at attracting women when you're on a good run and dating lots of women. The success with women boosts the confidence, while the confidence boosts the odds of success. The less you're desperate for it, the easier it is to get. Maybe that's why homosexual guys can be popular to women. That's like "epic confidence", they're not even remotely interested in the girl sexually.
As for the mellow side, maybe try to balance it out with a dominant side. Y'know, tap into the manly side -- the one that wants to dominate and conquer and lead. That doesn't necessarily mean you have to turn into a beast, it can also be suave and calm, gentle but with a masculine quality behind your kindness.
Finally try asking girls out sooner if you manage to find a girl who is laughing at your jokes. Don't fixate on her too long before just inviting her to hang out some time during her free time. It'll make it so if there's a rejection, it's not so awkward, and it'll also be easier to laugh it off if you didn't spend so much time focusing on her and falling for her first.0