Why do women always assume that just because a man isn't showing intense interest or says he is busy, that he is seeing/pursuing other women?

I guess I always give them the benefit of the doubt and don't assume until it appears as a pattern or they stop contacting altogether. But so many women, and a lot of my friends included, immediately think that because a guy takes long to respond to a message, says he is busy and can't see or meet them at that moment, or maybe even moves slow with a woman.. That all of a sudden he is seeing other women? I mean I can see if a guy is super busy, maybe he wants to push it off until he isn't. They say guys don't multi task or think as women do in certain ways, and I feel like it applies here. Just because a guy isn't calling you every day or isn't coming on strongly doesn't mean he is seeing other women. Y'al act like guys are hunting after women like it's all they have time and energy to do when I don't think that's the case (especially men above 24/25 when they enter the real world and may have other commitments and less time available if they are career focused).


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Guy here. Men have a lot of social pressure on them when it comes to dating. We are pressured to chase women and make the first move but we are also equally pressured to have to know when they aren't interested. Women suck at sending signals (so do men). They'll show zero signs up interest and then you'll find out they were interested later on. Then they'll show a bunch of signs of interest and you'll find out they aren't interested. From my POV I will chase a chick lightly and leave it at that if she isn't responsive to my signals. If she does anything once to show signs of not being interested such as rejecting me hanging out 2x in a row, being rejected on a flat out date, not being responsive to my flirting, I immediately cease contact and move on. I don't want to come off as a stalker, desperate, or the creep that can't take a hint. Any signals she sends after already coming off as uninterested, I don't interpret, move on, and ignore her. I just don't want to be labeled a loser that can't take her hints.

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What Guys Said 9

  • Many women deal with insecurity. And women are more competitive with each other than two buses full of football players lol

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  • You nailed it on the head pretty good in your details. Not to mention, women themselves will try to tell a guy she's been busy if he hasn't heard from her and is expecting her to answer. Women act like the guy is being a nag or that she's being pressured by him for wanting to connect, yet if he's busy or hasn't responded in time then it means he's seeing other women, like you said. Women want to pick and choose how or when something is okay for their circumstances, but not for guys.

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  • Because women are unbelievably insecure and think that if we are doing something else, have a life, and are too busy to respond, then that somehow means that we are cheating on them or that we're pursuing other women.

    And that's a reason why I don't ever bother trying to create any relationships with a part of romance mixed into it with women. I'm not in the mood to deal with that behavior.

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    • Yeah but there's plenty of women who aren't like that too

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    • And yet you all use that excuse on any man you're talking to. All of you. That's why I only remain as acquaintances with women. Not worth the psychotic bitch spree if I don't really to her in ten minutes.

    • *reply to her*

  • Finally thank you!
    It will heal my faith in female gender.

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    • ^.^ I'm glad. I'm also the type to ask men out and be open with what I desire. I don't see any point in playing mind games and waiting around for the guy to make some move when it's an equal effort.

  • I mean it depends but yeah we really are busy a lot of times. We gotta grind and get this money in order to take you women on dates and take you shopping or just buy you cute things you'd like. Women gotta cut us some slack.

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  • It's in the best interest for men to pursue multiple women at once

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  • Romance.

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    • What? Want to further that thought?

  • I'd say it's an urge for jealousy

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  • Women push the blame to somebody else instead of themselves when it comes to dating.

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What Girls Said 12

  • Men typically desire more than one woman. If he is desirable, usually he is talking or at least wants to talk to another woman besides you. you would be surprised to see how many men are dealing with more than 1 woman at once. unless a guy is deeply in love with you, he has another woman in the background somewhere. he has to consciously make the choice to commit to 1 woman, if he hasn't then his options are open and there are other positions available.

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  • Because if he really wants something, especially a girl that's reciprocating his advances, he'll go for it. He'll make time for it. He'll keep you informed. Just like you would for your crush or a guy you were interested in. If he won't make time for you or keep you waiting for long periods of time, it's a sign he's not that into you.

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    • That's not the point. If a woman was hot and cold a man wouldn't assumes she's talking to other guys if she says she's busy. A woman would.

    • @Bsbsbssbs actually not just women. I have had guys become upset with me when I have been hot and cold and they would tell me I just be talking to other men -_-

    • @Bsbsbssbs You're right, he wouldn't assume she's talking to other guys. A wise man would take the hint that she's not into him that much and not sit on a backburner waiting and waste his time.

  • I don't. He has a life. If he's busy, he's busy and that's fine.

    I don't know where you got that from.

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  • I've never thought this stuff til I started going online looking at dating advice and whatnot. Some of these sites will literally plant these those inside a girl's head especially if the guy isn't making her feel secured and desired enough in the relationship. I love your question though, it makes us realize how exactly stupid it is

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  • Part of it is ego, tbh. I feel like I have a lot to offer and I'm a catch for any guy. That's just how I feel, egotistical or not. I feel like a guy who wants me won't be hot/cold or passive, he'll come make a play and get me. That's what I really want so that I feel desired. I take your point about being busy, but deep down I want to be his priority, and I work really hard to make myself attractive enough to get that kind of effort from guys.

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    • You are a catch for any guy? Being egotistical is a negative trait.

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    • Could it be that deep down you've been truly hurt by a guy in the past which made you think that way? hands down?

    • @scooogy no, I'm just picky and know my worth. Girls can have egos too, it's not just guys. We don't like to admit it publicly, but it's true.

  • If a guys doesn't show interest in me I don't really care if he's seeing other people- I wouldn't waste my time with him.

    If he's too career focused- yeah that's great and all- but I think priorities should be in place. If he's like that now than it will just get worse once he gets an actual job. Then he'll never make time for you

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  • Depends on what!
    My boyfriend is in lebanon and me in Switzerland were far apart he posts picture with a girl and they comment like there together well that really shows me that what he did or said was not true
    But for instance when I was in lebanon I didn't get to see him for 2 months he was studying I didn't really assume that he would be lying to me while going out with other girls
    I think it's what they say and they're actions defers hugely!
    Might be different with other girls

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  • It’s not that we automatically assume you’re out chasing other woman it’s just when you really like someone you show it. Whether you’re busy with work, life etc. I guess we just expect men to respond the way we woman would.

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  • I don't notice at all to be honest.

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  • Most women I think get insecure about that whole senario because once you like someone, your use to talk on a regular basis. When a guys tells you he won't be able to talk for a while after being intimate , it immediately sends off indirect message that he doesn't want to talk anymore. It depends on girl to girl. But I think mostly one just wants to be secure about the situation and be known that he is still into you and he is just really busy.

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  • Guys make time for girls they want to see. And they definitely call girls often when they're interested enough. I've only met one guy who was always too "busy" and I never got with him. I understand if they've got other things to do obviously, his life can't revolve around one person, but still, when they like somebody enough they're eager to meet and will find time after work, lunch breaks whatever.

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  • Huh? Women don't think that. Everyone has other things to do.
    This little rant is very strange. You aren't saying anything that people don't already know.

    We aren't needy, untrusting helpless little things who worry about men 24/7 we have lives too.

    Don't judge by your own standards

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    • Ah, I see what this rant is about. You want the guys to tell you what a special thing you are.

      That's pretty needy too.

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    • A lot of people on here a quick to assume many things, you know? But if you speak to people in the "real world" you'll get a better response.

      No many women think the way you think they do. Not by a long shot. Don't take this site seriously.

    • Thank you :) that actually made me feel loads better

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