Guys, is it possible to meet a girl you could imagine settling down with but be at a point in your life where your not quite ready for it yet?

If so tell me about it? How does that work?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Yeah, it's happened to me.

    Met a girl through work when I was in my 20's. Not kidding, the day I laid eyes on her (she was coming in for an interview) I said to a friend "I'm gonna marry that girl".

    When we got a house together about a year later, I realised a lot of things about myself. One of which was that I was not ready to settle down with her or anyone. There were just way too many faults of mine, which needed fixing. I realised just how much work I still needed to do on myself. And to be honest, my career was taking off in a new direction which would see me out of the country for up to 6 months at a time. And I realised how important my career was to me.

    So... we split. She's married now, has two kids and a great husband. I'm not. I still think of her sometimes and wonder. But I also know it more than likely wouldn't have worked. I was not the person then, that I am now.

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    • Wow your story really spoke to me. I met a guy last year and the minute we spoke and met I felt like we were meant to be. The more I got to know him I realised he had been burned quite badly by a past relationship and not enough time had gone past for him to get over those emotional issues (only about 6 months had passed since his previous relationship) but we continued to see each other for 2 months. He had introduced me to his best friends (he lives on his own and took me to their house with his best friends wife and child for me to meet) but he kept saying he's still hurt from his ex and isn't ready for a serious relationship just yet so I ended things because I didn't want to wait around.

      A few months went by and I started meeting new people but no one compared to him and the more I met the more I missed him. I contacted him again to see how he was and he had asked to see me for a coffee. We talked about everything and he said he's never introduced someone to his friends so soon

    • But it felt right with me and that everything is so effortless and comfortable. He said he didn't expect me to come back and he's missed me a lot but said its only just been a year since his ex and him broke up and he still isn't ready just yet but we adore each other's company so have continued seeing each other for the last 4 months. (Stupid idea because we both knew the timing still isn't right). He booked a solo trip to Europe for a month and as he'll be 27 in September he said he wants this so he can begin to settle down once he's past his issues because he wants to start marriage and a family by 28. This time though I realised I have a lot of issues I want to work through of my own and he obviously has his so we painfully decided to go our separate ways again the other day. I initiated the breakup but it was a discussion we agreed on. I still believe he's the one I'll marry one day and I know that's so crazy to say

    • Sorry for the essays !!

What Guys Said 19

  • I would start dating the girl I wanna marry right now.
    Perhaps that's because I don't know all of the actual obligations and responsibilities that come with a relationship since I've been forever single, but still.

    I told my crush I like her last week, like literally I just said "I like you... a lot." And I feel like my crush might have just said "well I like you too... like as a friend you know" because 1) she said she had never had a guy tell her that news and 2) MAYBE she just isn't ready yet, because nobody I know who also knows her has heard of her having a boyfriend (and we've known her for 2+ years).

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  • my girlfriend is an angel ! she is the perfect match for me, she understands me without having to talk, pushes me to be better and takes care of me and puts me infront of everything in her life ! but as usual god is not fare with me, because of the war situation in both of our countries and my family stuck in other country which is under war also we are very far from each other and only meet every two months for holidays ! I'm killing my self to find a place where we can live together in and find work cause I know this woman will make me the happiest man in world and I'm ready to give up my master study dream for her but still can't leave my family without moving them to somewhere safe ! it kills me everyday to wake up and know that I finally find the woman I love and want to spend the rest of my life with but still being somewhere near her seems impossible ! I keep asking god everyday to give me the chance to make this woman the happiest woman on earth and I'm ready to do anything in return !

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  • Yes, it's possible especially if something gets in the way of that relationship.
    For example, if you're too busy planning and building your future in terms of education or career etc. and you don't have the time to be in a relationship he might find it selfish to keep her waiting while not being able to fully devote himself to her.

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    • Do you let her go and try again when your ready to fully commit and settle down?

    • I mean if she's still available then I'd be willing to try.
      I'm not expecting anyone to put their life on hold.

  • Almost married 1 girl and she hurt me way too badly i truest her more then anyone. Now am with a new girl and she e everything my ex girlfriend is not a known she would never blame any of our fights 100% on me and she muture. But best of all she loves me for me and trys to understand me. it hasn't really been long enough for me to say I'll marry her but she's the perfect girlfriend and ill let you known in 3 years if am still with out. Put of me wants to be with just 1 girl but becuase of my ex girlfriend i kind of wanna date around and get too known myself better u known? most so becuase if this new girl leaves i gotta start over agin.

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  • Yes. You're home on leave from the Military or time out from the Law Enforcement training academy and there she is. And you know you have to go back. You wish you could put her on hold, but instead, you are starting to understand the sacrifice that comes with your choice.

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  • Not really, unless she's going to school somewhere (LDR) or we're both working to the point we can't see each other daily at home or whatever.

    I think thats just a bullshit excuse generally, if someone really 'isn't ready' I don't want any part of their incredibly more complicated-than-it-needs-to-be world.

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  • If I was truly smitten and in love, yes. I'm personally happy with a mediocre life, just a typical average job as long as I'm happy with the people around me.

    in my opinion yes you could do it, only problem would be depending on your financial state.

    As for the how does it work - No bloody idea, it's life and relationships. The 2 main things I have no idea at haha

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  • Yes you definitely can meet such a woman that you want to settle down with but you just might not be ready yet for all the change that you'll be growing into, sometimes you want to get your life in order first before anything serious takes place within it.

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  • yeah I would say it is possible in the sense of you are just to busy to be in a serious relationship and need to finish your school or have a big project that will take up a lot of your time. They should be able to make some time or show their interest I hate when people are inconsiderate or not assertive about what they want from the relationship or what they won't put up with

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  • Sure but maybe there are things in my life that are going on that won't allow it yet, usually financial or a career

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    • Do you put the relationship on hold? Or let them go and then reach out when you are finally in a good place and hope they are available?

    • I guess I would put it on hold but it would be up to them whether they would wait

  • If I was meeting people without thinking about settling down, I don't think I'd be a person worth settling down with.

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  • It's happened before 😑

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  • Yeah, you can imagine being with said person but wanting to live life out of a relationship currently.

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  • I used to be, but now I am ready to settle down. The reason is my heart has changed.

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  • Nope. Don't want to settle down. Too much of a liability.

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  • The situation you've given is ideal.

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  • Yes of course.

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  • of course that is possible , I see lots of girls I could see myself marrying but realistically know that isn't going to happen rate away , I'm not in a financial or employment position to do that or have I dated them long enough for that to happen

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