Why does sex keep getting me dumped?

Somehow sex has become one of the main focuses in a relationship and it's frustrating. Before, when I dated guys, I would gladly have sex with them early on. The first few weeks would go great and I would assume things would last for a while. I was dumped everytime. It was all they wanted. Now I've decided to change how I go pursue relationships and I've decided to wait until I know the guy is serious. Being used like that really hurts and I didn't want that to happen again. I'm still getting dumped if I "wait too long" or guys won't even talk to me after I tell them.

I'm so confused and frustrated.

Updates:
Used to wait one month, now I wait 3 to 4 months.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • You're just dating the wrong type of guys, are really unlucky or something. I don't understand why some guys do it, as personally I don't mind waiting and I won't dump a chick after sex.

    I guess it's just people in general, it happens. Some people ain't ready for a serious relationship, or they're putting all the work in, find something they don't like about you and just think "well if I put q bit more work in I can get sex then fuck her off"

    I have no idea if people think that but I'm assuming they do haha.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • This is what i think is going on, some of the guys you gave it up to early are probably telling other guys that you are easy, and those guys are dating you for the sex because another guy told them.

    Im no expert on dating, i have not dated in over 2 years, the last guy i talked to verbally abused me and my first only 2 real rrelationships lasted too short and we never had sex because it only lasted 3-4 months

    My advice to you is to get to know these guys and watch how they treat others but don't have sex with them. Its better to be dumped without giving up sex than to be pumped and dumped, its an awful feeling

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What Guys Said 16

  • Your concerns are absolutely valid. I wrote a myTake about this issue months ago. I hope you'll read it..

    www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a25925-a-different-approach-to-dating-if-we-can-take-it

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  • "Fun and outgoing" guys sure as hell aren't going to wait 4 months for you to give up the poon. If I don't get at least a blowjob on the 2nd date, there won't be a 3rd. The 3rd date is PIV or I next the girl. And I'm being generous. A lot of guys require sex on date one in order for there to be a date two.

    It sounds like the guys you are seeing get determined to fuck you, even though they are mad as hell that you make them wait so long. When you finally put out, the guys say "Yeah, I waited her out and got me some!" Then they dump you for all the BS you put them through. You've turned it into a game for them.

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  • Wow that's gotta hurt. I can understand how you can be frustrated and confused. Guys can be manipulating. How long do you plan on waiting? What kind of guys are you dating? Do they talk of a future and stuff like that or do they go with a flow?

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    • I used to wait at least a month. Now I'm doing three to four months. And I like fun, outgoing guys because I'm like that. I also like go with the flow because it's less stressful

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    • Yeah so I'm lost. Not sure what to do

    • I guess be foreward with the guys you like and tell them what you want.

  • Well the guys who dump you because you won't have sex are the exact same guy who would dump you if you did. They are both the same, guys who only want sex. At least when you wait and the guys stays you will know you have someone who is actually in to you. Keep up what you are doing.

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  • A) You're very young so this stuff is to be expected: getting dumped and the guy just wanting sex, but remember you may have been dumped for other reasons.

    B) You're very likely going for a specific type of guy who is bad news for you.

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  • I understand your frustration and can see why you belive it's in your best interest to wait but personally I would lose interest if a girl who used to have sex right away with her previous partners wanted to make me wait months.

    Some guys don't care though. Eventually you will find one of them.

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    • People can't change for the better? I used to wait a month but since that didn't work I wait 3 to 4 months now.

    • Maybe you should try waiting 1 year... that will filter out all guys that only want sex.

  • Perhaos you're just dating the wrong dudes. Take a break or continue doing your thing until you find the one.

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  • @op you can't know for sure if he's going to leave or not. If everything life was certain what would be the point? Know what i mean.

    Also those guys aren't necessarily assholes, I think they weren't right for you or you for them.

    And can you honestly say the sex wasn't good?

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    • If they knew what I was looking for and went along with it until they got what they want I think they're an asshole. Just leave and don't bother me again like the other guys do now. And idc if the sex was good, I still ended up alone and used after.

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    • That's your decision. Good luck

    • Thank you!

  • Maybe guys see you as a whore, because you're willing to have sex rather freely so early in the relationship. You're dealing with bozo guys and you're letting them have you the way they want.

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    • I waited a month before. Now I wait 3 to 4 months.

    • Like I said, you're dealing with bozo guys.

    • Most guys know that the longer a girl waits, the quicker she used to have sex in the past... especially if she is good looking.

  • Maybe the problem is you, your picking the wrong kind of dudes for relationship

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    • I don't know what kind of guy to go for.

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    • Lol, well it sucks being you, so they never say why they dump you?

    • Some just cut me off, others say they don't want to wait because it's not fair. One guy told me because he was taking the time to get to know me we should have have sex as well.

  • "Now I've decided to change how I go pursue relationships and I've decided to wait until I know the guy is serious." That's what your mom tried to teach you all along.

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    • My mom actually taught me I don't need guys at all and I shouldn't be dating until I finish college

  • You're dating the wrong types of guys. Go for the ones who are shy and quiet.

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    • But I'm not shy and quiet lol. I'm loud, outgoing, always happy, always wanting to do something, I love talking to people. I'm goofy and always energetic. I would be too much for those guys.

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    • I guess I just don't see how I would attract a shy guy. I wouldn't even know he was interested because he's shy.

    • You would have to take on the role of pursuer, which a shy guy probably wouldn't mind. If you're cute and you're showing interest in him I think there are good odds that he would like you.

  • You're hooking up with the wrong guys. Give your bfs a time to wait. Until then, have cuddling and stuff like that. See if they really like your personality and stick around. Having sex is good;but if you feel used up, it will hurt you.

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    • I used to wait a month. Now I wait 3 to 4 months

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    • Then you're having your dream life now 😂 instant sex, being loved and cared by many guys. Enjoy the moment.

    • Lmfao nope never been loved or cared for.

  • Wrong chosen guys will always do this to u since their ultimate treasure is sex.

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  • is the sex any good? maybe they were assuming it would be better or something? I don't know how good looking you are or why they were interested. it seems odd the guy would just dump a girl willing to have sex with him for no reason?

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    • Because it's a game and sex is the prize. And I'm pretty good looking. I've never had a problem attracting men and I love what I look like. I had a guy friend tell me that because I'm good looking guys will attempt to try me.

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    • I don't know maybe these guys had other options and could easily sleep with someone else ? are there any other reasons someone wouldn't want to date you? are you easy to get along with? personality? have realistic financial expectations for dates and such when with them? did you feel rest of relationship was working?

    • I'm a very easy going person and I'm learning to be more open minded to things. I never go out unless I know I can pay my way. I have a strong and loud personality but I'm never mean. I thought things were fine.

  • your going for the jerks, id recommend going for the nice guys instead, but your not a virgin so it might be a problem for the "nice" guy group.
    plus maybe you get distant too and they think you dumped them.

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    • I've dated a so called nice guy before and he told me he felt obligated.

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    • We don't know a thing about this girl so how exactly do we know she is nice? Also, in life, we work for what we get, we don't have it land on our laps because we deserve it.

    • @Truthatanycost the guy I was just talking about in these comments was supposedly a "nice" guy. I don't believe in them.

What Girls Said 8

  • You got to be careful. Use what you learned from past experiences and incorporate then to the present. Usually finding someone who wants the same thing is hard, but there is definitely men out there who want what you want. A lot of the times when they just want sex in general, their heart isn't in the relationship for the right reasons. And if they can't wait for the time to be intimate with you, then you also know they weren't in it for the right reasons.

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  • I had the same problem in my early 20's. I think its an age thing. Young guys just was to sleep around. You could be perfect but they still want to see if the grass is greener somewhere else. Try going for old guys.

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  • Sounds like you are chasing the wrong kind of guys. Time for a bit of a change up...

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    • I have no idea what type of guy to go for. I like guys who are fun and outgoing like me. My personality would be too much for a shy or quiet guy. I have some tell me so.

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    • It's just stupid. I bet you she's divorced

    • Not divorced actually... just seen this scenario too many times before, so know what to look for. Also been with my man for 15 years. He was a player up until a couple years before we started dating. He has told me most of his naughty secrets, tactics on how to lie, mislead and pull girls..

  • Most guys our age (the ones who date a lot) mostly just want sex. That's one reason I don't look for anything serious from younger guys.

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  • That really stinks. Are you focusing on a certain type of guy? Maybe expand your parameters a bit.

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    • I don't talk to shy or quiet guys. I have too much personality.

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    • Yeah, it sucks.

    • That's a good thing, you should definitely stay away from those shy quiet types, that would never work out. They would probably not be interested in you at all.

  • That's the problem. If a guy is with you just for sex he will leave as soon as he gets it especially if it's early on. Don't be worried if you'll get dumped for 'waiting too long' because the right guy will wait whether he's a virgin or not.

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  • When your prettty, they know anything goes and that you are predictable. You've made yourself known that to them.

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    • So what do I do about that? 🤔

    • Well slow down, up your standards. List qualities of the ideal person and ponder about it. Get to know them as people first before you even start dating them. No rush here. I think you rushed into it without thinking what their true intentions were. I guess by now you shouldn't believe what everything people say to your face is true. Match their words to their actions and ask yourself this? Are they just saying to fluff around? Cos people tend to do that a lot. Let their mouths get loose and bull shit. Do they mean what they say sincerely? Or they just dont have any solid purpose for saying it? Do everything they say are vague? If so you know they aren't genuine. You can tell it from the beginning after a few weeks after months. Do they always give you short answers? Another big sign to say they aren't worth your time. So be honest with them and don't drag it on with them.

    • Correction : after a few weeks than months

  • I think it's because they can easily get what they want from u.. well, all the guys think is always about sex and since they had enough with you so u get dumped.. sorry to say but i think u need to make it hard-to-get-it-from-me and if they really want it, ask them to try for it. Come on, i certainly sure u'll find ur true live babes😉

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    • Well I waited a month before hand and now I wait 3 to 4 months

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