Is it inappropriate to be sleeping over with your boyfriend in college?

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year now. We are both 21. My parents don't know that I've slept over at his house and he has stayed at my apartment several times.

My parents would kill me! It's not even for religious reason as to why they would get mad. They just don't think it's right.

His parents are more than happy when I stay over rather than me driving back home late at night.

At this age is it still innapropriate? I feel as if I know what's right and what's wrong. And I'm old enough to do whatever I want.

Updates:
Also, what's a good and mature way to say that I am old enough to be able to sleep over with my boyfriend.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • It's not the fact that your old enough. It's the fact that your sleeping in the same bed. Some people will find it inappropriate regardless your age, especially when your not married. If you are at your apartment you sleep on the bed and he sleeps somewhere else. Okay then. Thats good boundaries being set up. The same applying if your stayed over with him. It's not about being an adult, and it doesn't make you an adult. Nether does your age. It's using common sense and having respect for one another. If your parents did find out, they will be in a disagreement with your relationship. You maybe 21, but you still have to honor your parents. And hiding truth from them will only hurt and strain your relationship with them further. You need to know where your values lay at for yourself. And religious has nothing to do with it. Question every and anybody who did what you did and see how far their relationship goes, or have their ever kept their partners, or led to marriage without a divorce for life. You don't want to compromise your values and wants if its not something you know you don't need. That's what you need to think about. And what are the consequences that comes with such a choice long term, not just short term. It all boils down to choices. And if your out of your parents home, officially, you need to think about this for yourself now. Because it will come to a point where no one will able to help make that decision with you, and you'll be by yourself to make them. Also ask yourself this: Am I going to regret it? Hopes this helps.

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    • Also to add to your update. If you know your parents are going to be very upset, it's not going to change their view of the situation. You can respectfully tell them, but that decision afterwards is left entirely up to them.

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    • I agree. it does put things in a different perspective for me as well. Although, we aren't moved in together. I would never do that nor do I want to get married any time soon at all! We occasionally do sleep together just for convenience.
      I do respect my parents! I just don't know if they are being irrational or not. I look really young for my age so they tend treat my like I'm still in high school. I still have a curfew and I'm 21 years old. i know everything they do and tell me is for my own good.

    • No, it's not you looking young. It's because you are their daughter. That's what parents do. That will never change as long as you live. That's what caring parents do, because a lot of parents don't give a damn what their kids do. Because if they didn't love you, they would have let you do whatever you wanted, without thinking what sort of consequences that comes with that.

What Guys Said 17

  • i don't personally think it's inappropriate. my feelign is once you are out of your parents house you are allowed to live the life you want as long as it doesn't negatively impact other people

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  • You're both adults and are free to do as you wish

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  • It's entirely appropriate! You are an adult living away from home in your own place, and this is what adults who have their own places do! Don't feel bad about this. Your parents might not approve but you are going to grow up sooner rather than later and they cannot dictate how you live your life once you've moved out.

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  • Wow this is so reminiscent of my 22 year old girlfriend and me when we were in college (I was 27 going for a PhD.) She felt a bit guilty staying over my apartment, but she did want to do it.

    Your parents probably realuze that you are doing it, so don't worry too much.

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  • Sounds normal.

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  • Nope that would be classified as typical behavior. Your parents are wacko

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  • I think your parents are overreacting.

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  • My wife and I did it in college.
    my ex too.
    No problem.

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    • My father in law said "anywhere but NOT in my house."

    • My son would bring his girlfriend home with him for the night or would sleep at her home.

  • I see no problem with it. My daughter was sleeping over with her boyfriend in high school. I knew she was being safe so I was OK with it.

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    • Wouldn't say high school is the same as college. That sounds wrong since your daughter was not even an adult until the end of it (the end of high school).

      There is one thing placing someone that is finally an adult together with someone else with the same mindset and another thing placing 2 kids that require guidance until they reach adulthood from their parents in the same household, alone.

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    • @Gabesexual Clearly you're not familiar with US age of consent laws (or any US laws which define an adult for whatever other purposes than voting or serving in the military), and her boyfriend at the time was older than her. He was a decent guy. They were hardly "kids."

    • I don't need to be familiar with US age of consent laws since laws have nothing to do with someone's personality. Those are made to force people to live a clean life under the restriction of certain actions (some laws being positive and some laws being negative).

      That does not change the fact that your daughter was under the adult mindset stage and since you said ''was a decent guy'', I would understand that they are not dating anymore? If that is not the case then I revert back to my previous statement. Period. Have a wonderful day, sir. (:

      That changes nothing

  • Lol! People do it all the time 😂

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  • You're an adult. Time to do that adult thing and make decisions by yourself.

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  • You're like totally old enough to make your own decisions.

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  • No you are both 21 u should do what you want

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  • Nope, you're an adult...

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  • if you feel like you know what's right and wrong. then why aren't you doing the "right" thing?

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    • I don't think staying with my boyfriend is wrong. Having sex and getting pregnant is wrong. The "right" thing for me is being responsible and not doing something stupid

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    • I am not doing it to please my boyfriend. I'm doing it because I want too. I rather sleep over rather than sleep all by myself in my apartment. As a 21 year old, I feel like my parents need to trust us that we won't be silly and end up getting pregnant.

    • im just saying, if you know it's wrong, why do it?

  • no, your considered an adult its your business what you do and want to do with your life, dont be feeling guilty about it.

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  • No. I started sleeping over at girls houses when I was 11.

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What Girls Said 5

  • i dont see what sleeping is significance.. if you're having sex thats different but then you are an adult so it shouldn't concern them. as far as sleeping over, its a totally common thing in uni. everyone crashes at peoples places. just more convenient then going back home deadening where you are. if your parents will flip then dont tell them, but they need to chill.

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  • hahah i felt the exact same way when i had a guy sleepover for the first time too. my friends all laughed at me. anyways, no it isn't bad at all. my parents are the same way- they won't let guys sleep in the same bed as me under their roof. However, they don't care if i spend the night over at my boyfriends house/apt.

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  • You're old enough to make that decision for yourself.

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  • Nothing is inappropriate. Its your life and you are adults. But its also your full responsability.

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  • You are grown ups for Gods sake, even if you were 14 it would be okay.

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