Can this be a real reason for my boyfriend to break up with me?

I met my (ex) boyfriend 2 months and a half ago and we were in a relationship for 2 months. Few hours ago we broke up. He said this relationship isn't going because he wants to have sex but I don't. I'm 19 years old and he is 22. I understand he has some needs but if he really loved me he could wait until marriage, am I wrong? He knew that I don't want to be intimate before marriage (religion thing and I also don't want) but he kept saying that sex is too important for him and because I don't want he decided to broke up. Do you think he wasn't really inlove with me and just got into relationship just for the sex?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • When a young man is physically attracted to a woman, and they're constantly close together, he'll want to have sex so badly with her that it can drive him to utter insanity. If he's actually in love with a woman, he could be fantasizing about making love to her all day and night.

    A lot of women seem to get hung of on the idea of "only".

    "He likes my boobs. Therefore he only likes me for my boobs." (He's just being a guy).
    "He wants to have sex with me. Therefore he only wants to have sex with me." (He's just being a guy).

    We live in a sexualized society and sex is one of the few mutual activities lovers can enjoy exclusively that they cannot with their close friends, for example.

    So I don't think it's reasonable to assume this guy never loved you. And he's quite admirable in that he gave such a straightforward reason to break up.

    >> I understand he has some needs but if he really loved me he could wait until marriage, am I wrong?

    Not all guys are like this, but I never fall in love with a girl until I have sex, and it's not even a guarantee that I will at that point (it may or may not happen depending on how much a bond we have in such an intimate context).

    So I personally could never have been in love with a woman I never had sex with, and would never wait until marriage for a woman I wasn't in love with.

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    • In my case if I had sex one time with a girl and fell madly in love with her (the only way to do this for me), and she asked me never to have sex again until marriage, I think I could wait for her. It's just that I could never fall madly in love with a girl enough to wait unless we had sex at least once.

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    • Love is often a subjective experience, and fueled at least in part by imagination.

      A totally rational being would be incapable of falling in love beyond practical traits, "She has good child-bearing hips for our future children and our conversations appear to be pleasant."

      It's often at least in part developed in the imagination, of dreams and hopes built up. Love is a dream, a fantasy, a hope. People who can build these up quickly aren't necessarily disingenuous about it, but their ability to do it so quickly tends to mean that a large portion of it is based in fantasy and imagination rather than reality.

    • When I take myself and look on the situation from a side - I'm looking rationally. But when I'm in this situation I'm just like "who I am and where I am". Just so confusing. But anyway, you answered a lot of my questions and I'm really thankful for this. :)

Most Helpful Girl

  • His being honest and it's a valid reason. It's better him telling you straight to your face instead of going behind your back and screwing some random girl. It's important for some guys to feel that intimacy and closeness between a girl they care about. You not wanting to be intimate was probably the issue. Guys love intimacy.

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What Guys Said 11

  • At least he's being straightforward on what he wants. If anything, that seems like the ideal break up to me instead of those ones that don't even have any closure...

    Also you guys just broke up! Let it sink in... you're in crisis mode. Everything will be okay. I don't think he didn't have any feelings, but if he broke up with you because you guys weren't having sex, then he could've used the love thing as a way to get into your pants. Some people are manipulative.

    I suggest moving on/ breaking contact and finding someone better in your near future.

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  • Hard to say it was 2 months I think he cared for you enough maybe he knew himself that he needed sex and if he wasn't getting any at home he'd find it elsewhere. So instead of possibly cheating on you in the future he just decided to end things.
    To some/most of us sexual compatibility is important in a relationship. She would have to be the most amazing girl for me to even consider dating her if she was waiting for marriage.

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  • i dont know how women equate wanting to have sex with not loving them. that makes no sense whatsoever.

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  • It could go either way, but I never would have waited for sex, and I've been married.

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  • No, he's wrong. If you're waiting till marriage, you're doing the right thing!

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    • Here's a little tip. A very foolish woman said something very wise. "We should love, not fall in love because everything that falls gets broken."

    • Exactly, but I guess we just weren't meant to be together. :/

    • Yeah. Look for s guy who is patient enough to wait for sex until you become a wife.

  • Yes that is a real break-up reason.

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  • It was the right thing it's better to respect your self and morales instead of lowering them for someone's expectations

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  • Sorry, but those days of a guy waiting until marriage are long gone.

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  • i dunno what to say, but i thinks sex can lead to love too

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  • Two months in is too early to be mentioning marriage..

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  • yeah, sexual incompatibility can cause a lot of break ups.

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What Girls Said 8

  • falling in love is usually a slow thing and would take longer than 2 and a half months for most people, also a lot of people need the intimacy of sex in order to fall in love. everyone is different and it seems like they guy was not deeply enough in love with you to deal without having sex. there are all sorts of relationship deal breakers and that seems to be one of his i guess. it's good that you didn't let him pressure you into anything, you shouldn't have to do anything until you're ready

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  • Yes, because he would have respected your decision to wait, and that wasn't the deal for him. That's all he wanted from you. If for
    God forbid you went through with that, he wouldn't of married you anyway. Let alone stayed in the relationship. He would gotten what he wanted.

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  • He shouldn't haven't gotten into a relationship with you if he didn't agree with your views. There is nothing wrong with waiting until marriage but there is also nothing wrong with not being in a relationship ship with someone bc they won't have sex. People just need to be on the same page. I think it's good he was honest with you and you should move on to someone with like vales. It's a valid reason. He should never make you feel bad for you choice to wait though.

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  • Well you guys were only together 2 months , I don't think he could have loved you that fast , but I do think this is a legitimate reason to break up , if he wanted to have sex and you didn't , it'd be best to break it off early in the relationship instead of waiting longer and end up cheating. find someone to date that has the same values as you (including sexual)

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  • If he loved you enough... he would have stayed... but he was to busy focusing on sex... but thats just what sex minded people do... dont beat yourself up... cause Men come and go... And he probably isn't worried about you no more... going yo another girl that Will give him what he wants

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  • Yes!! He doesn't respect ur decision enough to wait

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  • Its a real reason. Your belief to not have sex doesn't trump his belief you should. In other words he can just as easily say if you loved him you would have sex with him and hed be just as right as you. The two of you aren't compatible and love doesn't beat all.

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  • You were together for 2 months... I doubt he fell in love that quick. He also probably never even thought about marriage.

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