Can dating someone who is emotionally unavailable make you more needy?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I am in a relationship like that , and I am extremely emotionally expressive and it has caused huge issues , the distance in the same room thing. If you love this person and it's not just a short term thing, it can be worth the effort.
    I know it sounds counterintuitive, but you must have an awareness of your own needs , you must be willing to walk away from the relationship if it comes to the point that it is negatively impacting your life, and you must feel confident in expressing your needs and that there is someone out there that would be more than happy to help you meet them.
    In getting an emotionally unavailable partner to open up you have to distance the distancer, stop chasing them. To them when you chase it feels like pressure and they automatically shut down under pressure. So you have to back off in order for them to come closer. You have to create an environment of security for them to express their emotions and you can't get mad no matter what or they'll shut down again. It's a pain in the ass , but worth it if you can get them to confide. If you are angry about the content of the information , find a sounding board where you can let your frustration out in private. These people often make people with "needy" personality types more needy and then you're stuck in a vicious cycle of neediness and distance. And the sad thing is usually these two people are attracted to each other and it often becomes toxic. So tread carefully and remember to work on yourself first , if it gets to the point where you are no longer secure in your love or it is impacting your work , your home, your leisure activities, walk away , and it may be hard especially if you are emotionally expressive and get attached easily , but your happiness is what you're after isn't it?

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    • I've fallen for a guy like this, but I've already chased him and he's pulled away. Is there a chance he'll come back, if he honestly does like me like he had said he did?

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    • Would it be okay if I messaged you about this?

Most Helpful Girl

  • yes. because you are constantly searching for affirmation from someone you care for and if you're not getting that, then yeah you're going to ask needy questions like What do you want? do you like me or do you jus want to hook up? and shit like that. Im kind of going through a similar situation actually. I feel like im constantly walking on egg shells because i dont want to sound too needy. lol it sucks.

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    • I'm glad I'm not the only one. Have you ever actually asked him any of those questions before?

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    • How did he respond, if you don't mind me asking?

    • He opened up to me And was honest. I would suggest just asking. It can't hurt

What Guys Said 9

  • Yes I can see that happening if you are an expressive emotional person - I would enter this relationship with great care and think long term.

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  • Yuuup. Because you'll be putting your heart in while the other person is too damaged to do the same until they're ready. And when they're ready there's no guarantee they will pick you, because the heart wants what the heart wants

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    • This has sort of happened to me, but he called off us doing anything or talking at all now, because I was getting too "relationship-like." Do you think this made my chances worse for when he is ready?

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    • How can I overcome it?

    • You have to get rid of any neediness that you're feeling inside of you. The reason you were getting too "relationship like" is because you had a need for a relationship with him, when that's not what he wanted. When you can let go of the need, when you interact with him he'll feel that and immediately find you more appealing.

      Even if you don't want to. Talking to other guys helps with this. Because you have to do something to let go. Whatever works for you.

  • No it just means that dating them will just make me feel like shit

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  • you're basically waiting to be the second choice. dont do that. tell him "i understand. when you'll feel better give me a call"

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    • Will not being involved with them while they heal help your chances any?

    • yeah. you dont wanna be her sidechick dont you?

  • No, rather dominant

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  • yes,, i can see how that would make sense

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  • Yes, just as dating someone to lovely could make you cooler

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  • I don't deal with time wasters or game players. Screw them.

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  • what does emotionally unavailable really mean? can u give an example?

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    • Like being distant a lot for what seems like no reason, all of a sudden. Not being able to show affection some of the time.

What Girls Said 9

  • It's best to not emotionally invest yourself in a relationship, where it turns completely unhealthy. You don't have to use a person emotionally to be needy. You can just be needy for a relationship with that person out of obsession or possession of ownership. Always be mindful of how you handle your relationship, and how you carry yourself as a person.

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  • i dont see why id be making the decision of dating someone like that if i know it's who they are. it's not what I'm looking for and i won't have it.

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  • You will naturally become needy because you will constantly need reassurance, since insecurity will follow how you feel everywhere.

    Just broke up with a guy who was emotionally unavailable for over a year - it's a very empty, lonely way to love someone. Don't even try.

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    • If you don't mind me asking, how were you even able to get into this relationship to begin with?

    • Because before him I was in a really dysfunctional relationship with someone i did feel in love with. SO when I met him he treated me well and was a nice guy, so I liked that. Over time I realized he could only handle happy emotions - anything too deep or past surface level scared him and he hated vulnerability - I tried to fix it for a year and we ended up breaking up because half the time I was with him I felt completely alone and unspecial, which isn't healthy.

  • It's a manipulative tactic so the answer is yes.

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    • Could you elaborate on that?

    • They keep you on the edge. Keep you wanting and hoping. Never deliver. Maybe throw you a bone here and there to give you hope. Then back off. You end up thinking about them more in day than they do about you in a month. You try to talk to them and they give you just enough to keep you hoping and pull back. You might have a great time together at some point and things look good but then they ghost you for a long time. You always end up being the one wanting more, meanwhile they can live without you.

  • I am that emotionally unavailable person and dream of meeting others but almost never do.

    ie: I tend to attract the exact opposite :( :( :(

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  • Of course

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  • some people are just bad at expressing emotions. they might show them through actions instead.

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  • I have wasted a few good years of my life on someone like that. It really damaged my self-esteem, I never knew where I stood with them, and began to believe that it's my fault that he doesn't show me any emotions.
    It took me 2 years to make a decision to leave.
    I would never ever be with someone like that. I'd rather be alone for the rest of my life.

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    • If you don't mind me asking, how did you begin dating him in the first place when he is like this? After my experience with a certain guy, I just feel really insecure, and I wasn't ever like this before. I feel like something's wrong with me.

    • I was young and he was young. At that time I thought that he was simply shy and a bit insecure. I had no idea who I was dealing with. By the time I realized, I was already changed person. Like you said, I started to feel that it was all my fault. I was foolish enough to think that he could do better and he was doing me a favor by being with me. Oh how stupid I was!
      My personal advice is this: even if you're 80 years old, it is never too late to leave someone like that. It's not worth it.

  • no. you have to really be in love

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