My girlfriend is pregnant but I am not in love with her, what should I do?

Hello everyone,
Sorry if my writing is not perfect I am a little panicked.
There is a girl I have been dating for 4 years on and off, she is 7 years older and it has never been a serious relationship (I have made it clear with her, she is also is my first relationship).
Because she had feeling for me, I didn't wanted to take advantage of her and we where about to break up, however she just told me that she's pregnant for 7 weeks (she's didn't tell me before).
On one hand she wants to keep the baby because she don't think she will have a chance to be pregnant with someone else she's in love (she's 34), and she's very emotional about loosing her baby (abortion). On the other hand she thinks it would be to hard to manage a kid alone if I leave her. She don't want to tell me if she's going to keep it or not, she told me that if she keep it I am welcome with her.
However I am not in love with her and whatever decisions I take I don't think I could forgive myself. I want her to be happy, but I don't think I could be happy staying with her, I also don't think I could be happy abandonning my kid or having my kid separated with two parents.

I still live with my parents but they don't even know I was still dating her :(

I am very confused about how I should manage with this situation, and if I could forgive myself for my actions


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Most Helpful Girl

  • When you make choices like this, at this point your happiness is thrown out the door. You two just helped conceive a child. And out of wedlock. You knew what the consequences were when you two decided to have sex. There is no excuse for this. You made this choice, now you have to deal with it. And on top of that you lied to your parents for 4 years? Buddy, your supposedly a 'Man' now, you have to help raise this kid. It doesn't matter that your still in your parents house, being over 18 years old doesn't make you an adult. This is not about being in love. Being in love means you been in lust with her. But you don't even know how to actually love her. That is what this is telling me. So now that you don't know if you can love her, grow to or learn, and with a unborn baby, you don't know what to do. All I can say is that you need to figure it out now. Because it's not fair to the child that you two couldn't be more responsible for your actions. At least she told you that she is pregnant, most women don't even bother to tell men anymore and just get an abortion. Especially when he has your attitude about the situation. You need to make up your mind, because wither you like it or not, this is life. This is the real world. It is not a joke. And if you thought sex was a joke and all fun and games, well now you learned the hard way that it's not. It's serious business, and people get hurt and left emotionally and psychologically scared for life. I'm not trying to make fun of you, but this is the reality.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Do not marry her. Pay your child support, stay in your kids life and you'll be much better off. A baby is not a reason to marry

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What Girls Said 13

  • If you didn't want to get her pregnant, then you shouldn't have risked reproducing with her for four years. FOUR YEARS. That's nearly half a decade you spent repeatedly stick your dick in her and taking the chance that you two would conceive a child. If you weren't in love with her, then you shouldn't have been taking such a big risk with someone you knew you wouldn't choose to be a potential mother of your child. Don't be tacky and ask her to sacrifice an innocent infant's life because you repeated a poor choice for years.

    Be responsible and own up to what you did.

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  • Well. Firstly you should be honest with her.
    Secondly. You are 27. I'm assuming you have a job so if it came to it you would pay child support.

    Thirdly... Really? You sound more like a 15 yr old. "Been with a girl 4 years that I don't love" "still live with my parents" "not happy with her but don't want to abandone the kid" you are old enough to know PUT SOMETHING ON THE END OF IT.

    Sorry but you were irresponsible, as was she, you now need to choose if you want to be a good dad or live your life to the full and let a child grow up without his dad. I know which you'll choose. You shouldn't forgive yourself, given your age and how long you've been leading this girl on just to get your dick wet you deserve everything. That poor baby deserves better than you, as does the mother.

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  • How can you not love a person you've been dating for 4 years even if it's off and on? Too weird.

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  • First make sure she is really pregnant. own up to your responsibilities you made the kid. You dont have to be with her but get joint custody and help raise your child. Dont be like so many dads and ruin their kids by not being there.

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  • Should have never fucked her.

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  • Be responsible for the baby sake.

    You don't have to be with her to be a good father.

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  • agree with what others are saying, pay child support and leave her if u aren't in love with here

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  • I don't know. If she keeps the baby then do what is best for you. If you don't want to stay with her then don't but that baby is still part of you so you may have to come to terms with how to make the best of the situation and find a way to be their for your child.

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  • Man up and be a father to your child. You don't have to be with the girl if you don't love her but don't abandon your child.

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  • You could just support the kid in other ways and see the kid often. You don't have to abandon your kid just because you're not with the mother. I know you also said you don't want a kid who's having to live with separated parents, but honestly, most kids who came from parents who were only together for the kids and didn't have a mutual love or whatever, most who grew up with parents like that were unhappy and wouldn't have minded a break up so much.

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  • Great another illegitimate child with immoral parents...

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  • Just agree to a joint custody deal, that way she won't have the baby the entire time.

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  • It takes two to have a baby, accept the fact that you are a father and be a responsible adult. Stop wondering what if and pay child support and take care of the baby

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What Guys Said 7

  • You don't really get a say on if the child is born. At this point it sounds like you're going to be a Father.

    Be in the child's life.

    As for what to do with her... consider being there through the pregnancy. Be honest with her at this point and maybe the relationship can change for the better. With a child change is coming. No reason it can't get better.

    If you feel it can't stay with her... be there for the child. Don't miss out on that.

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  • Make sure that's your baby.
    Slow down first. Secondly you had better man up, stop with the whole I don't love her stuff. You got her pregnant, now you should come along side her to support her and your baby. Yea this isn't the answer you wanted to hear. Even if that's not you baby, you stand by her to support her, and take care of the baby. If you two can't give it up for adoption, NOT abortion! You two discuss this and come to an agreement.

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  • The truth? Have the conversation with your parents and hers that you dread. First, congrats on being a man. Personally? I would man up and marry her? In time you will grow to love her. You will reget abandonning your child. Get in touch with a counsellor. You need help I can't provide. I hope you do the right thing. It may be hard, but you won't have any regrets. She truelly loves you. That is rare.

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  • Provide for the child, but leave her.

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  • You owe her nothing. Do not wife her up! There's a good chance its not your baby anyhow. Hell, she may be lying about being pregnant.

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  • Damn, there isn't much you can do apart from leave her and help her out with the child by paying child support.

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  • run away to eastern Europe, they dont do extraditions to NATO countries. you will be safe there.

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