Girl decides she may want a relationship not just a hook up: do you go with it or bail?

Lemme cliff note this.

- told a dude I wasn't much of a relationship girl, right off the bat
- that was a week ago, our convos have been purely sexual until we can meet up to hook up
- am starting to think I can see myself in a relationship with him

Would you easily be able to switch from viewing a girl as just a hook up to seeing her as relationship material?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I don't know what all the girls are talking about.

    I've always had this fantasy of wanting to be the kind of guy who just wants to have casual sex relationships and just go from hook up to hook up. When push comes to shove, I just can't do it. I prefer to be in a relationship. I don't know, maybe childhood socialization has got to me and I can't un-hypnotize myself, but I "need" to be in a relationship with someone first before I can have sex with them.

    Now, don't get me wrong (and I'm not just being a lawyer here), all that means is that I'm meeting someone, we date, we have sex, and I don't feel like we're "just hooking up." In other words, I feel like I'm going to see her again, I feel like we're a couple, that it's just us. That's it. It's not a high hurdle.

    What you basically did was kill that right off the bat. I've been with girls who have come close to that, but never one that's straight up said, "I'm not relationship material, I just want to hook up with you, that's it, you and me are just sex and nothing else, got it? Good." I think if a girl said that too me, I'd be too emotionally turned off to want to have sex with her.

    Anyway, I don't think you have to worry about a "switch." It's no so much a "switch" (conceptually) as much as it is a matter of "prohibition/restriction."

    You know, girls normally want an "emotional relationship only" at first, and then, (3+ months later according to GaG users), feel "comfortable enough" to have a "sexual relationship."

    Your situation is almost like the reverse of that. You welcomed a "sexual relationship only" at first, but put your hand out and pulled out the stop sign and red light as to the "emotional relationship." "YOU" prohibited and restricted any kind of emotional relationship.

    I'm telling you as a guy, with plenty of guy friends, yes guys want and like sex, but they want and like the emotional aspect of a relationship just as much. Again, I don't think it's correct or accurate to frame the question or conceptualize the issue as "do you see her as relationship material now, or is she forever doomed to just a hook up?" It doesn't work that way. That doesn't capture or reflect the dynamics of what's going on.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Girlfrennn holy shit!

    Does this have anything to do with our little mini-conversation about broken arms, wiping asses, and wooden doors?

    Because... like, 2 days ago, you were pretty damn sure that you didn't want a relationship, at all, with anyone...

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    • It has nothing to do with that lol

      I told someone else on here somewhere that I don't even really know him bc it's been purely sexual so we haven't done much "gettin to know each other" talking

      It's just a feeling that he feels like someone I could do more than just hook up with.

      But like 3 hours after I had a mini "platonic" getting-to-know-you convo with him, he sent me a "wish we could fuck 2niteeeee" text

      So yeah it's probably just gonna stay a hook up.

    • 😂😂 Girl

      You are more forgiving than me. If I got a single text from a grown man who wrote like a 10-year-old girl... that would totally kill it for me forever.
      I'm not even kidding. Not even sort of kidding.

    • Aha. He doesn't typically text like that. So, it's alright. It definitely didn't turn me on or anything but got a smile out of me for sure so he didn't totally fail haha

What Guys Said 56

  • this is something about people (girls in my case ) that i can't stand. if you tell me you just want to be a certain thing from the start my mind transitions into only seeing you for that, so i dont catch feelings.

    if you tell me you just want to be fuck buddies, ubless you are really chill and what not, i doubt we are getting together for something real

    we should be friends tells me that i should find someone who actually wants a real thing. i got no time to wait on people to realize what they want.

    i always say, people screw themselves by friendzoning themselves by opening their mouths

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  • Depends really on the guy I suppose maybe he is feeling the same thing - Maybe you should say something to him - In anything from casual to full relationship, I believe in full communication to make sure everyone is on the same page in your arrangement, whatever form it takes - If you stay quiet and it leads to a split, the person with the stronger feelings could get hurt - My own view is somewhat distorted because I am a 100% relationship guy so if it was moving towards a relationship I would be delighted - On a wider scale I would be looking at full communication between partners so a joint decision be reached that is most comfortable to both.

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  • Depends on the guy and the girl. And he may have been hoping that you would change to wanting a relationship all along. You are a fun person and certainly a great looker, so give it a shot. He may be thrilled to have a closer relationship with you.

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  • If there is chemistry there in real life after meeting face to face and she changed her mind and wanted to give it a shot with me and have a real relationship then yeah I'd be fine with that and I'd be down for seeing where it goes with her in a relationship.

    And your a pretty cool gal so I'm sure he'd be fine with it you just have to find out if he wants to give it a shot as well and if he does and you still want to. Then go for it.

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  • No, I don't think so. A hookup is a hookup. I wouldn't really see that girl as relationship materiel anymore.
    But who knows, if she's super awesome then I might consider it worth it.

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  • That might be possible, but not probable. You've already made it clear to him that you will be going to bed with him, and he has accepted. So, it could be that he will have no interest in a relationship when he knows you are already set on going to bed with him.
    You might not want to get your hopes up on this one.

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  • The part that bothers me about this is changing your intentions. You should be clear about your intentions upfront. Unless you're not sure what you want, then I think it would be easier to move from hook-up to relationship than hoping for a relationship and having it become only a hook-up.

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    • Like I said: I initially told him I'm not much of a relationship girl

      And now I'm thinking there's a chance I could be, with him. But I don't really know him so I'm not entirely sure yet. I just have this /feeling/.

  • I say give it time and see where it goes, you never know he may come around to asking if you ever had second thoughts about dating. I wouldn't bring it up directly to him but just see if he develops the same feelings as you (I'm sure you'll be able to tell) and if nothing really changes then you have your answer.

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  • - told a dude I wasn't much of a relationship girl, right off the bat.
    What is he supposed to do with this information?

    You don't need to explain him anything. Your and his actions will speak for themselves.

    For me, that's not going to work. If I hook up with her, then it will stay that way.

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  • You dont turn hook ups into relationships, this ain't no cheesy romcom.
    Guys uaually know what they want, girls dont. You switching the game up like that is a no no.
    You have a 10% chance of success, especially since you like "hot guys". If you ain't special there's nothing that will make him want a relationship.

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  • "... told a dude I wasn't much of a relationship girl, right off the bat."

    That's where you messed up. I seriously doubt this guy is willing to change his view of you.

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  • Generally its a pretty bad start, but it is possible. Though you should get into the topic of relationship as soon as possible or else this is possibly backfiring (developing too much emotions, hooking up and possibly being bumped and dumped, etc)

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  • I've never hooked up fear of likening someone but they not liking me is why I don't

    But if I really like you I dint see why I wouldn't date you

    Sometimes dudes just wanna fuck

    Ask him if he'd date you

    Sone guys really want a girlfriend

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  • no i wouldn't. i would keep it as it is until she breaks it off.

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  • Seems like kinda a stupid thing to do, but you never know. It may work out fine

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  • Yeah, but you can't blame him for not seeing it that way, especially if he was expecting something else

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  • Probably not. But I don't have much use for relationshits any more. She tried pulling that, I'd most likely just walk away without another word.

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  • No. A girl we hook up with is a whore in our mind. The girls we have relationships with are the ones we considered "nice." Even though we know they been just as whorish as the others. Just not with us.

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  • HereWeGo. jpg You catching the feels bruv. Back out now.

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    • It's like... lust feels. Cause he's so attractive I don't wanna hit it n quit it 😭

    • Think real hard about how nany women your asking him to delete from his phone. That's just selfish lol jk... Seriously though.

  • How was his reaction when you first said you were not into s serious relationship? Could you read some reliefe on his face?

    Personally, i think it could happen, it's probably not that common.

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  • I don't see it as anything more than just a simple hook up, specially if your convos has been purely nothing but sexual from the get-go

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  • Well in this case I probably wouldn't be interested. Just messing around with a girl for fun doesn't mean I wanna date her, if she told me upfront that there was a possibility of dating I would back away so I don't feel like I am leading her on.

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  • I go with it if I like her as a person, I'm not for hookups either

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  • Depends on the guy

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    • I'm hoping since its been acknowledged that he doesn't seem like the hook up type it won't be that difficult of a transition with him but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

      People lie on their tinder bios all the time

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    • Lol true just saying you'd need a better car😜

    • I'm getting a better car, lol.

  • Ask him if he wants to do something with you: Something simple, like drinking coffee. He might figure out himself you might want something with him.

    Personally, I could, but I would want to know more about you first, so try showing yourself (not physically).

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  • I'd bail. It's not because sex is the only thing I'm into. In fact some days I lack the interest for it. I'd bail because I have no desire to date anyone. I enjoy being single too much.

    I've lost all emotional interest in women. *shrugs*.

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  • Of course, to guys it's very fluid, and most guys let the girl take the lead.

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  • Depends on our chemistry. Do we get along, can we stand each other for more than five minutes, etc.

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  • If I felt the same way yeah

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  • Yes , but he isn't aware? So make him aware

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  • More from Guys
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What Girls Said 9

  • That entirely depends on the dude and what he wants. Though I'm sure that he'll be confused by you changing your mind so swiftly. That may be a disadvantage to you since some guys could see that as a sign of you not knowing what you want and swinging back and forth a lot.

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  • You have to connect with him on a non-sexual, substantive level too if you want that thought to enter his head. I've seen quite a few relationships evolve out of hook-ups, so it's not like it's unheard of. If possible I would be clear about your interest in a relationship as soon as you're pretty sure about wanting that, but just be careful with your feelings and try to stay on the same page. Getting hurt sucks.

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    • Yeah that's what I've been doing today. Prior to today I didn't even like bother asking anything about him, just expressed interest in wanting to fuck him.

      But I actually asked him like about his dog, and where he works, what he was doing and if he was having fun. Stuff like that.

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    • I'm really hoping since we haven't actually hooked up yet that it gives me a small boost, as well.

    • Maybe it will, yeah. Good luck :)

  • Admit you have feelings. Let him decide.

    It'll get worse, you'll get more attached, the longer it goes on.

    - Be upfront about it all. If he leaves, then it's time to find a new dude.

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    • Oh.
      Answer:

      I'd bail lol

    • I don't have feelings tho bc I barely know him lol I can just see it as something I wouldn't mind happening.

      In any case, I posed the question on if he preferred to keep things casual or if he wouldn't mind anything else coming from it in the future and he said

      "Idk probably more looking for something just casual"

      So we're casual for now ☺️

  • He might be into it, he might not be, but regardless your best bet is to be honest about it when you meet up... say at first you didn't think you wanted anymore more but you're beginning to feel like this could become more than just casual. If he isn't interested that sucks, but it's better to get it out of the way now than try to rope him in with casual sex and then try to make the switch later on down the road when it'll hurt you even more and be harder for him to see you that way.

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  • its all depends on the guy i guess you could talk to him about it

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  • Best to just tell him and see what happens.

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  • No, he already had it set in his mind that he just wants to fuck you

    No strings attached

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  • Nope. He won't be able to see her as anything else

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  • Why do I feel like we are in the same situation... Like it felt I wrote this...

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