Why is he doing this?

Me and my coworker have clearly had something between us since we met about 6 months ago. Everyone thinks we're dating and if they know we aren't they think we should be. We have classified the relationship as "best friends" but there is clearly some sexual tension there despite not having sex yet. We are very very close and basically act as if we're married, without the physical aspect (which has not happened because of me, not for the lack of trying on his part) My interpretation is that deep down both of us know that this will eventually turn into a relationship, but I could be wrong because of the following. Recently, he has teased me (the main communication outlet in our relationship. Teasing each other is not uncommon) about the lack of other men in my life by asking me what kind of cat I want, if I have learned to knit yet, etc. And then he suggests that I date his friend. My problem with this is, he knows that I am not interested in his friend. He knows that we are incompatible and it would never work. Why is he trying to set me up with someone he knows it would fail? Is he friend zoning me and just very bad at it? Or is he trying to test my loyalty to him? I would normally take this as an instant friend zone, but why would someone who classifies himself as my best friend set me up with someone he knows I'm not interested in?


Most Helpful Guy

  • This is the reason for his apparent friend-zoning: "…which has not happened because of me, not for the lack of trying on his part".

    You've led him to send mixed signals. A number of reasons lead guys to send mixed signals to a girl. A prevalent reason for this behaviour is when they are unsure whether the girl would reciprocate the feelings or moving to his direction.

    Mixed signalling is a technique the guy uses not only to shield himself from rejection but to determine if the girl likes him or not.

    Too often girls think that being a guy means he is genetically immune to the hurtful feelings of rejection, or he is naturally made to expressed his feelings confidently without the shame and knock-on effect of rejections.

    The guy uses niceties and other eager-to-please actions to keep the girl within touching distance while acting as if he is not interest.

    More so, mixed signalling is a smart seduction technique for attracting women or men. Too often amateur daters think by consistently showering love and praises to a guy or girl is a better way to win their hearts. In fact, experienced, skillful daters understand displaying lack of interest and sending conflict signals not only makes the the target (e. g. the girl) confused, but provokes sexual attraction and weakens the target's defense mechanism.

    Do not forget at the onset when your colleague was overtly displaying interest in you he might have realised afterward you no longer excite him. It's perfectly okay for him to send I'm-no-longer-interested signals. It is a good thing for the guy to bail out at this stage instead after the relationship has started.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Maybe he is trying to test you? If you really like him, tell him to hang out with you. There is nothing wrong with making the first step.


Have an opinion?


Send It!

What Guys Said 1

  • Seems like he's testing you, or challenging you to make a move clearly stating you want him and only him.


What Girls Said 1

  • For Christ's sake girl, let go of all your inhibitions and tell him you really want him to fuck your brains out.