When dating, specifically on the first date, who should pay?

I want to ask this question, specifically first date.
Who pays? How about future dates.
Elaborate, feminism always say about ''equality'' ... i wanna know what shit is going inside their heads.

  • He pays all.
    47% (40)44% (26)46% (66)Vote
  • Go dutch no matter what.
    31% (27)39% (23)34% (50)Vote
  • See the answers.
    22% (19)17% (10)20% (29)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy
Updates:
Girls, guys, please vote! Don't just comment. TQ

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I always offer to split, if he insists on paying that's his preference, but I don't expect him to and prefer paying my own way.

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    • Girl, you're so far the least feminis-tic i seen, so far...

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    • feminism is about having authorities (you should pay it to sleep with me dude, cause u work better jobs than me, having nice car... etc) on guys, and having least responsibilities (no, i don't need to pay it... im a girl you know, im traditional)

    • Sounds like radical feminism, not core feminism.

Most Helpful Guy

  • I'll never pay. It's 50/50. She is not doing me a favor by going out with me. It's a mutual agreement.

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    • Agree. MGTOW!

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    • oh you don't take diet breaks tho? like, 1-2 weeks of eating whatever you want for every 6-8 weeks of actual dieting?
      you'd actually get better results that way...

    • @redeyemindtricks Nope. I eat clean pretty much year round. Feel like 1-2 weeks of eating like shit would just piss me off because I wouldn't be performing in the gym the way I want to. My diet taste pretty good though.. it's not too bad. Actually just started using these. A couple of these meals have higher cholesterol but you get to choose which ones you want and filter.
      https://www.rich-piana.com/en/meal-plan-group-a

What Girls Said 38

  • Whoever initiated the date should pay. The you can work it out between you if you want to pay every other time of half and half from then on out.

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  • First date: whoever ASKS is responsible for paying. Other person can certainly offer to pay all or part of the bill and it's perfectly acceptable to accept, but if you invite someone somewhere basic etiquette is that you pay.

    After that, should take turns or go dutch, whatever works.

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    • You love free foods and free drinks by the name of first meeting. İts not about who asks. Cuz you accept the meeting. No one told you " I will order to you". Thats so easy. Everyone should pay their own bill.
      You can not know maybe she will use man for money in the first meeting and never see him again. And she can do this with many men. Thats disgusting.
      İs there a gurantee that she will do something good for him? No. There is no gurantee. He will never see her again in his rest of the life maybe. So why should he pay?
      I can only assume you are a gold digger.

    • @Proof_Striker55

      You make the assumption I never ask first... I've asked guys out on first dates and paid - because that's the proper thing to do.

      And before you get into the "but guys ask girls out moooooore!" Complaint, let me just say I genuinely don't fucking CARE what other girls do or don't do. I live according to MY code and it works for me. I think others should go by the same code because it's inherently fair.

  • I'm willing to pay my share, but my boyfriend likes to pay for us most of the time. He was that way from the start, and wouldn't let me when I offered on our first date. Handed his card straight to the waiter. I was really touched by his attitude on it actually; I get that fluttery feeling when a guy does something gentleman-like haha. It just came across as a cool blend of caring, thoughtful, and masculine at the same time. He makes a lot more than me though, so he doesn't see it as a big deal, I guess. 😅 I appreciate it in any case.

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    • He isn't thoughtful of HIMSELF, he's going to regret it, anyway.
      You'll not love him forever, that's female nature.

    • Sorry you feel that way.

  • Both should pay for themselves in the beginning. Then once the relationship is established, they can work out other arrangements if they want to.

    I'd prefer if the first date is super cheap or free, though. Money is the elephant in the room that complicates things.

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  • He should always pay on the first date. Now I should offer to pay because it's only fair, but I expect him to pay. The guys who haven't paid for my dates ended up not being mature and not the guys for me because of other things they've done.

    By the way? A date could just be going out and getting coffee together or going to a museum and grabbing a slice afterwords. I don't expect a guy to break the bank for me. After the first date or two, I think it's okay to go dutch or whoever picks the date pays. It's not fair if I invite a guy to something out of his budget and expect him to pay.

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    • Offering to pay but expecting it to be his job isn't any better then not offering. You're still claiming men should pay for you and why exactly should they? It's not down to us to be the ones who pay.

      The second paragraph is the right attitude. I'm always surprised when I hear first dates are three course meals and a picture. What if they turn out to be boring? I don't want to sit there was someone I know isn't getting a second date.

    • I'd you're offering to pay, then you are communicating to him that you want to. If you offer to do something to look good but you don't actually want to do it then you're just an asshole.

  • Whoever asks the other out. I know in our current society that's mostly men but come on ladies, ask more men out!

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  • I would prefer that we split the cost between us. With my boyfriend, we either split it and just each pay for what we bought or one of us pays for it and the other pays next time.

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  • In the 21st century, women are capable of making their OWN money so it can be empowering for us to be self-sufficient and pay for ourselves. I don't want to owe him anything. But some women like to be protected, emasculated, taken care of and believe in traditional gender roles.

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    • by the way I just noticed your are malaysian!!! I'm too.

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    • Yeah, I'm from Johor.

    • @lol, im from kl by the way... pm me inbox to chat ba
      i can't send you any inbox message

  • I find that going dutch is awkward, I only go dutch when I don't want see the person again.

    I prefer whoever asks pays on the first date, then the other person pays for the next date.

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  • If you specifically invited me u pay. If I specifically invited u I pay.
    In any other case everyone pays for what they were having.

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    • Okay, so i invite you out for a date, strictly coffee. i pay
      You invite me out, i asked for sushi& lobster, whatever..., u pay all.
      Sounds fair? Damn...

    • Yeah. If I invite you for a lobster obviously I pay but that isn't likely to happen as I don't eat meat and rather spend that money on some new designer shades B)

  • I have always paid for myself and always will. Even when some of the men get offended and insist. I don't like taking things from practically strangers. It's the beginning stage and we're just getting to know each other, why should they have to pay, so we can get to know each other? It's not like we have been dating for awhile and we both treat each other to things lol

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    • I would vote but I don't understand the options really. Does "going dutch" mean paying for myself?

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    • K, I voted dutch then, I thought dutch just meant eating some where cheap lol so it was confusing for me.

      Yeah I wouldn't offer if I didn't really mean it, it probably confused some men because they continued to insist and argue with me. It may be because other women offer to pay but when they guy rejects, they end up not forcing the issue. I force the issue because I don't think it's fair and also because if I decide to never talk to this guy again, I don't want him to feel used or bad that I took free stuff from him, just seems kind of rude to me.

    • I agree but a lot of women don't seem to care

  • definitely offer to pay. But if he doesn't say "hell no" end it right there.

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    • Then don't offer

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    • So you offer to pay assuming he won't let you and think it's rude if a man accepts that offer? That doesn't make it any better. You're still assuming it's his job to pay for you.

    • @RandomBritishGuy94 yeah it's just intentionally deceptive. If you're going to offer to do something but judge them for taking you up on your offer, then you're just being a judgmental douche. When you offer to do something, the other person is under the assumption that you don't mind doing it or that you even want to. She is tricking them. Some girls actually do want to split the bill. All she accomplishes by being such a douche is making guys not know what the right thing to do is. Like seriously, if you don't want to pay then don't offer. Don't be a major bitch.

  • I mean, I can only control what I do, but I hate when people pay for me. Like until I am in an established relationship, everything is split. Even after we're official, I still prefer to split the bill.

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  • It's unfair for whoever to pay. You should pay your own meal and he his own. If he/she insists on paying, then make it obvious, that you will do it the next time.

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  • No one, go for a god damn walk in the woods or something, Jesus Christ. You don't need to empty a wallet to have a good time. Watch a movie at one of your homes, go to a library, check out a little flea market and look at the trinkets for sale.

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    • I always try to talk girls into following me into the woods be they never do it. Maybe the rope, trashbag, and knife I have with me freak them out or something. I don't know.

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    • You're 17. please don't go into the woods with someone you just met.

      I do agree with the free idea. I do the same thing and live in a water front city so it's normally a walk along the sea-side. Ice cream/ coffee at the end.

  • Each person just buys their own food.

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  • we divide, it is very simple haha

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    • You better promise it, my darling...
      ''Women say one thing, do another thing...''

    • most of the times me and my girl friends pay for my guy friends and it is ok, but if I go out with someone I expect them to not rely completely on me because I will be paying only my part

  • I was raised that the man always pay, but my mom is southern belle. I would have to play it by ear, but I would find it kind of rude if I had to go dutch

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  • Split it.

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  • The only first date I've ever been on was with my bf/ex and he offered to pay. Its just very chivalrous of the guy to pay, but by no means is he obligated. I could easily have just paid for myself if he wanted me to, but he didn't and I thought that was very sweet of him.

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  • I don't really have a strong opinion about it tbh. I think that aspect should be decided upon before the actual date.

    It also depends on the individuals.

    When my now boyfriend was courting me, he offered to pay for the first date.

    Right now, after dating for awhile, I don't mind paying or spliting the bill and vice versa.

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  • I've never paid on the first date. I propose to, but guys I dated always refused.

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  • Whoever wants to pay! There are no rules.
    Sometimes people put up such a fight with the check there is no point in trying to pay.

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  • Going dutch is best.

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  • We split the bill.

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  • I always pay for my stuff

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  • Im not a feminist but I normally go dutch otherwise i feel like a burden

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  • First date I'll always offer but he usually picks it up

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  • Both pay half & half

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  • If im asked out he should pay. If i ask him i pay. But i never ask a guy out first.

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    • that's why he pays all? You golddigging cunt ;)

    • I voted he pays all. But reality is i often will ask him out and pay for dates after we have dated at least once. But yeah im ok with him paying for the first time. If that makes me a gold digging cunt then im perfectly happy with that little man.

  • More from Girls
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What Guys Said 27

  • i believe whoever asks the person out ultimately is responsible for paying... however i think it is the class move to always offer to split the check

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    • See how you contradicts yourself, i don't know u. cause i will not care.

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    • so u mean if i ask a girl out for ONLY coffee, i pay.
      She invites me out, i ask for lobsters, sushi... she pays ALL
      Is that what you meant for first sentence?
      i don't want she crawls away from me, telling her mom ''i don't treat her like a mangina''

    • so u mean if i ask a girl out for ONLY coffee, i pay.
      She invites me out, i ask for lobsters, sushi... she pays ALL

      i didn't say any of that dude.

      I SAID ultimately the person who asks the person out on the date (so if the woman asks the guy out) should pay. HOWEVER, my personal belief is that splitting the bills is the best way.

      i did not contradict myself. if you feel emasculated because a girl pays for your date then don't let her pay. split the bill or pay for it yourself. you asked MY opinion. i gave you MY opinion. If you feel differently then thats fine for you. but it's not a contradiction dude

  • Feminists are NOT in charge. Most women believe in equality but they don't want to dispense with all gender based traditions. The guy should pay for everything unless the women wants to pay; in which case male macho should not interfere with respecting the lady's wishes.

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    • I think you're living in 1950s, that's why this shit works.
      Now we're living in feminist society, where they have started to have more authorities on men, men are becoming weaker, and weaker!

    • The only men who are in the charge of feminists are the ones who have subjugated themselves to the will of the female gender warmongers.

  • I've noticed I pay a lot more than the first date and sometimes they seem to expect me to pay for everything whenever we go out. That is unfair I think, I already have a gas guzzling truck, no job and no health insurance and now I got to pay for all your shit. I don't see why people can't take turns or split the bills

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    • Agree. Don't put your wallet fully because she has't put out yet!

    • Even when they have I feel taken advantage of for my money. Like of all the girls I have been with its never more than a date or two before something sexual happens

  • Whomever invited the other. Unless it's a picnic or something where you both bring stuff.

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  • I want a girl who is willing to pay her share. Otherwise it implies her time is more valuable than mine and that I need to compensate her for agreeing to go out with me.

    Its also highly probably that she has exchanged nudes or hooked up with guys in the past who didn't spend a dime on her.

    Also if the dates dont lead to anything (sex or a relationship) then I have essentiallyvwasted my money. So I am not willing to pay 100% for dates until after we have already established mutual desire.

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  • Dutch no matter what.

    The fake offer to pay and he picks it up is the WORST BY FAR way to do this, I mean at least be honest about being a prostitute and/or having no respect for him.

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  • I think the fact the women paying isn't even an option here is kind of sad.

    It depends. On the first date, as I've said in the past, I always do something cheap or free (coffee/walk along the sea front) to avoid it coming up. I've only once had a negative response to this and to be fair to her she offered to pay for a meal because she didn't want to walk anywhere. Lazy but honest. Turned out to be a surprisingly good date and I think we split the bill. Can't really remember. If she hadn't offered I probably wouldn't have done anything else.

    I hate the idea the man has to pay. It even seems common among men. Women have jobs as well you know. If I pick to pay (and I do after date 1 because we talk about it) then it's not because I'm a man. It's because that's a fair way of doing it.

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  • I have the balls therefore I am paying 8)

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    • Okay, continue to be enslaved.
      Good luck to you, bro.

    • enslaved? I asked her out on the date, I said I will treat her to dinner. ME. Tell me which of those sound like slavery.

  • Always split the first date.

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  • Whoever invites, if thats the guy most of the time so be it.

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  • Any woman that goes out on a date and expects the man to pay is stuck in the 50s. If that ever turns out to be your case while on a date, kick her to the curb. Climb out the bathroom window. Why? She's just looking for a free ride off the patriarchy.

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  • I am believer in splitting the bill on early dates - For later dates take income into account if she earns more she pays more and vice versa.

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    • u'll realize eventhou she earns more than you, she is not willing to pay most of 'em, because she's ''entitled'' to be treated like a princess.

  • 50/50 because isn't thar just common etiquette?

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  • I split it, her presence is not worth less than mind and I don't date where's.

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  • Wtf. Where is the 'she pays all' option?

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  • I've always paid on all dates, but to each his own I guess.

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    • Well, good luck to you if you wife refuses to have sex with you in the next 5 years.

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    • Men who keep worshiping a woman, doesn't get benefits at the end. Rather than temporary sextification. If you treat them like a woman, they'll feel ''self entitled'' to be worshiped, and the more you worship them, the more she DEMANDS from you. And later on, especially during marriage. She''ll ASK you to do something before letting you to have sex. That sense of ''urgency'' she used to behave because she wants to lock you down becomes ''agency'', where she holds all the chips and manipulate you as she wants to!

      Stop being a mangina/white knight/male feminist
      Time to wake up, bros!

    • Alright I'm not very worried to be honest. I've never had any issues with girls and I have no problem with treating a woman as a woman. I'm a man after all. My father thaught me what is expected of me as a man and it has worked for me so far and obviously still working for him as well being he's still happily married to my mother.

      If my wife didn't want to have sex with me unless she got her way all the time then I would take that as a sign that our relationship isn't as it should be. I like sex but I'm not desperate so something like that wouldn't even work though. If there is an issue between us she either agrees to sort out our problems and work on our relationship, including our sex life, or we will have to end it. Treating a woman as a woman doesn't mean you turn yourself into a doormat. The thing is, I have options. I'm with my girl because I love her, not because I can't get anyone else. But if she doesn't love me anymore then I'll leave her to find someone else who does.

  • if i liked her then id pay otherwise its a spilt.

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  • Whoever asks the other person out or you can split the bill.

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  • Paying seperately is the fairest way so that

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  • split the bill.

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  • If just one person pays, it should be the one who decides where the date takes place.

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  • First date the guy.

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    • Well, i don't agree with it 100%.
      You work, i work. Why don't split?

    • Its a date not a competition. I know the girl can pay but its a nice gesture. She can pay on the second date.

  • Who ever asks the other person out.

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  • If she puts out, you, If not, Her.

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  • I pay for the first date, 2nd date we split the bill, usually on the 3rd date she offers to pay (my experience). After that we basically begin our relationship as boyfriend and girlfriend.
    Usually helps the fact that I get to know them as a friend before I ask them out.

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  • " feminism always say about ''equality'' ... i wanna know what shit is going inside their heads. " I didn't see even one feminist who discuss about this against women who expect men to pay.
    Plus some says men should pay cuz we invite them. Thats bullshit. There is a roll in the society that men generally go to girls to meet them. And the first move generally comes from men. You don't have to accept this. İf you accept this then it means when you go with a man then everyone should pay their own bills. This is the true way , equitable way.
    Otherwise it makes woman a gold digger who have disgusting personality. One Russian girl that I met was huge gold digger and she has disgusting personality. I know not all Russian girls like this. But I really didn't like her at all. She didn't give me anything and expected me to pay the bill. And when I stay next to cash area she went outside of the coffee shop. İt was disgusting. She didn't even tell me "thank you". I said " why didn't you say me at least thank you cuz I paid your bills too." And she said " I never do this ". At this moment I thought she was a bitch and gold digger. I can never date with a woman like this. Those women even can not be friend with me. They are disgusting.

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    • Well explained bro, why do u hide your face? I'm not hiding my identity, cause im not ashamed of it.

    • I am not ashamed of it too. I just want to comment anonymously basically. Thats the main reason. Sometimes I choose anonymously comment and sometimes not. Thats my style.

    • You don't have to search things behind this. Just be relax.

  • half half..

    its only fair

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