Should I work on this relationship or move on?

We became friends with benefits shortly after becoming friends. When it got messy we went back to being friends. I've since fallen pretty hard (months later) but it's difficult to treat him with tenderness because of our history of trying not to get attached. I'm more likely to tease him than tell him how proud of him I am because that's the difference between a friend and a girlfriend. At one point he said he doesn't feel a deeper connection with me and we shouldn't date for that reason. Now I'm wondering whether I should try to commit to the crush and start acting like a romantic interest with more communication of substance. That risks heartbreak and damaging our relationship. Or I could try to find a guy I want to date instead (has not been effective since I haven't committed to leaving him behind either). I'm on the fence about which route to take. Should I take the risk to commit to him or try to move on?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • You should most definitely move on.

    1) Starting out as "friends w/benefits" usually doesn't end in love and a relationship. It CAN happen, sure, but more likely not to happen.

    2) You said you tease him more than telling him you're proud because you believe that's the difference between a friend and a g/f --- I think you've mentally placed a divider between what behavior is acceptable from one to the next and have created a facade in order to try to box the relationship in.

    By doing that, you actually hurt your own prospects for a relationship with this guy in the future, because it sounds like you're not being yourself because you feel like you need to play some 'role' instead of just being yourself. -- you don't need to play a role, ever. Just be yourself and what will be will be (remember that).

    3) He said that he doesn't feel a deeper connection with you --- this is the most telling part of your question. If he said this, he meant it. When you couple that statement with the fact that you both started out as friends with benefits, then that paints a VERY clear picture that he sees you as someone to have sexual fun with and nothing more.

    Try not to let that hurt, because you were both using each other (or at least that was the role you were trying to play), so I'm sure he wasn't being malicious about it. He probably assumed it was a mutually-beneficial sexual relationship, so he just never let anything grow from it because it was about having fun rather than being 'intimate' or 'romantic'. Men are capable of separating sex and romance very easily, by the way.

    I would suggest that you move along and find someone else, but try to stay away from falling for any future friends with benefits because it might only end up hurting you in the long run. Nothing wrong with a friends with benefits, so long as it doesn't end up with one person wanting more while the other person doesn't.

    I hope this helps. Good luck with whatever decision you do make!

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    • Thank you, I think you're spot on about the division.

    • You're most welcome. I really hope it helps.

Most Helpful Girl

  • I think you should move on.

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What Guys Said 2

  • Just shoot yourself. You know nothing about relationships.
    1-never be fwb's
    2- always state your feelings
    3- sex always changes relationships sometimes for better and sometimes not
    4- since you fucked up and fucked him your relationship is permanently ruined
    5- you will not remain friends even if he suggests or agrees to it. This is what happens when you fuck a friend thinking he'll love you if you fuck him enough

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    • Thanks i think i will go shoot myself since im such a failure!

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    • Repto, you're projecting again. That's the third time.

    • @reptocarl Nothing about your post showed that you were joking. None of it. I have a great sense of humor and it's one of my greatest traits as a human being, but in order for something to be funny, there needs to be a hint of something funny.

      So if you were going for laughs, I'm sorry to tell you this, but you failed. lol.

      Either way, you probably give good advice 'cause I don't see you getting a 27% without having something decent to say sometimes, but sheesh.

  • Move on, you can't force people to feel a certain way. Skip the miserable torture of learning that lesson and just learn it from others who have.

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