Is safe a turn off?

i am a very emotionally stable, caring, and loving person. So it's fair to say I'm safe. I'm not boring or routine. Far from it. I'm just emotionally safe. You'll never have to worry about me cheating and I'm always honest. I'm supportive and mature. I have a well paying job and I'm family oriented. I'm loving and caring. I'm faithful and loyal. Why do I have such problems finding women? Am I just a dick in a wood chipper? Is my personality and my demeanour a turn off?

Updates:
For the people wondering, I hail from Canada. I'm not sure if that counts for anything but that's where I'm from.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • What you've described is the bare minimum that most people want in a partner. Sure it gives you a heads up on all the people who lack those qualities but it's not anything special in and of itself. It's like saying these shoes are great because they cover my feet. Well, yeah, that's what shoes are supposed to do.

    What do you mean that you have problems finding women? Do you have trouble getting dates? Or are the dates you are getting not turning into something more serious? The first issue may be one of how you come across initially or that you need to put yourself out there more. The second issue is just luck. Some people find someone they like, and who likes them back, quickly while others can spend years not finding someone who is compatible or reciprocates.

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    • I described how I am base line not how I am in full. The basics of my personality. But I'm having trouble just in general. Every woman I meet that turns into something long term I either get left or cheated on. Before you say "maybe you're bad in bed" I refer you to my most recent take: www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a29959-how-to-make-sex-better-for-her

    • So you're just describing the normal dating crap that everyone goes through? Relationships end. Sometimes we just aren't compatible or we accidentally pick a shitty partner. EVERYONE goes through this shit. In the years before my boyfriend met me he had years of relationships that didn't last very long. He joked that he expected me to get bored of him after a few months like every other girl. That's what dating is. Trying to find someone that you like long term. It takes a lot of trial and error for most people. And that's when it goes normally.

Most Helpful Guy

  • Well, I think you are a very good person and I am sure most women will find these qualities that you have very attractive. I am not sure why you would have problems finding women. At least I would say it's not a turn off.

    Now, I know that you have not mentioned your complete personality, what you have mentioned is just an overview of yourself but I think few reasons because of which you are having problems finding women could be:

    1. May be you are too good or too nice a person. Now there is a difference between being a nice guy and good guy, now I am not sure where you are falling and in which category. It's possible that you are 100% a nice guy or 100% a good guy. In which case it can be a turn off to women. It's unfortunately true.

    2. Cont from the above point, being 100% nice or 100% good is actually not going to help you in today's world. I am not saying that you should stop being nice or stop being good. No of course, you should definitely be nice, you should be good, what I am saying is don't be 100% nice or 100%good.

    3. It's possible that you are too soft hearted by nature and that can put a woman off. I mean being soft hearted is good but if you are always like that and in all situations that can come off as a weakness and will make a woman look like as if you can easily influenced.

    4. It's possible that you are complete " SELFLESS" by nature.

    From all these points, I am not at all saying that you should stop being nice or a good guy but what I am trying to say is you should also have these qualities in you:

    1. Selfishness

    2. Stubborness

    3. Assertiveness.

    4. Be a little rebellious

    3. You should have some standards and go after the kind of woman that you have in mind, you shouldn't be too much open minded. You should be a little rigid, don't be too flexible because that won't help you either

    Now, let me explain these points

    1. Selfishness

    Now you should be a little selfish, if you always self less by nature then that will give an impression to the woman that you are weak, you give in easily and that you really don't care about yourself or your needs in life. You are ready to sacrifice yourself for others. Hence be a little selfish that will indicate that you care about yourself and you have some self- respect.

    2. Stubbornness:

    Now, selfishness and stubbornness go hand in hand. Means if you are selfish, then you are likely to be stubborn as well. At least it's true most of the times, if not always.

    cont...

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    • Cont..

      3. Rigidity:

      You should have some standards for the kind of woman you want in your life, there is nothing wrong in going for a woman who would be a female version of you. I mean of course not 100% but say 90%, 10% you can keep the room for error, and that's important so that things will be interesting. Hence you shouldn't be too open-minded and flexible, you should be a little rigid

      4. Assertiveness:

      About assertiveness, I don't know you have not mentioned in your post if you have that quality in you or not. However if you lack this quality then it would be a good quality for you to develop.

    • Hence once again to summarize all the points

      I would say you should be a nice guy or a good guy but not 100%, so say 85-90% you can be nice, you can be good and keep all your positive personality traits but 10-15% you have to keep it for yourself, meaning 10-15 % of your nature should include selfishness, rigidity, a little stubborness and more importantly as I said, you should have good standards for the kind of woman you want in your life.

      Avoid being too flexible and open-minded. At least don't be 100% flexible or open minded.

    • Now, this is what I think can be some reasons you are not finding women in your life. I can very well be wrong , because what you have mentioned in your post in very little, so I have assumed certain things.

      You can correct me if I am wrong.

What Girls Said 11

  • I think that's a great personality and I want that in a guy. I want a guy who will actually commit to our relationship and not just do things behind my back. So your personality is not a turn off- I like it, and you'll for sure find a girl who will like it too. :)

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  • A lot of people around you age aren't looking for that just yet. I don't know if it's nessisarily boring but just basic things. I know you didn't describe your personality overall, but I think you'll get someone eventually. Maybe it'll take being a little older, but it'll happen if you are "up to par" in the other departments.

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  • No. You are marriage material. Perhaps it's just the women you choose, many of them like "bad boys" because they "can't get them easily", but these guys do not hold a bright future. Don't worry... I'm actually quite surprised you can't find one, because 90% of them keep crying how all the guys just want sex.

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  • It's definitely not.

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  • Definitely not. Where you from? Come to me! Lol

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  • I love safe

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  • I would put a ring on it.

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  • I don't personally think what you're describing is a bad thing.

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  • No she's coming just wait.

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  • Noooo why do women out that into guys heads.

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What Guys Said 12

  • I think it might be. I was recently in my first relationship and I was admittedly a little nervous since I had never done the whole relationship thing before. Because of this I definitely played it safe. After a month and a half she left me without telling me why. I thought everything was going well, obviously i wasn't sure if i was doing everything exactly right, but i thought it was going well and i was playing safe so i didn't screw it up. Sometimes I look back on it and wonder if I played it too safe and that made her want to leave. I would definitely say its not bad to be safe but after experiencing a relationship one thing I took away is at some point I think you have to go beyond just safe to get into and have a successful relationship.

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  • Girls at your age will find you boring

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    • That's frustrating I must admit. How long did I spend growing up? For what purpose? Ugh.

  • I think there is an element of fate and luck involved - Many girls would love that type of guy - It is just a case of the world getting all their ducks in a row and you meet someone you like who likes you, be patient.

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  • Women your age dislike you for not being a bad boy. In 10 years they will be fawning all over you to wife them up. They will still dislike you, and will eventually cheat on you before divorce-raping you. Don't fall for the trap. If you can stay single til age 30, the pussy-fog will have lifted from your brain and you will see women for the wallet-seeking sloots they are. Never marry one; never co-habitate with one. Pump and dump is the only way to go.

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  • It seems that way.

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  • Depends on the girl, don't tell them all that stuff though coz it'll dry 'em up no matter who they are.

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  • fuck more girls and care less about it man. i learn that. if you keep on pushing these things in the face of a woman it may sounds you're forcing her to take you for what you are - dont. fuck her until she wants you in more than a sexual way

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  • To younger women it may well be, to older women who have more baggage than an airport, it's probably a gift horse.

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  • Just don't be desperate to relationships. Also, find other ways to be happy with your life. So, women should not think you suck without them.

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  • Yes. That's a turnoff. Girls want a man who is unpredictable. A man who might just go crazy and beat her ass at any moment.

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  • Just go with a ' safe ' girl too

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  • 21 is young. Just try and put yourself out there and ask girls out.

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