Saw a girl texting this guy I'm dating, he just added her on facebook. What do I do? I'm devastated?

This guy I've been seeing/dating for a month recently added a girl I saw in his phone. No I did not go snooping in his phone. We were hugging in the movies one day and he pulled out his phone, I saw all the text messages from his brothers and friends. One particular one I saw was from a girl and the message box said "name:)<3". I thought oh okay... I can't get mad. I'm not his girlfriend. That same name I saw, he just became friends with on facebook. Now I'm a little angry. I have no right to but I asked him in the beginning if he multi dates. He said no. I even told him something very personal that I normally don't tell anyone because I'm embarrassed about it and felt this was going somewhere. Now I regret it. I met all his friends and he told me that they really like me. I don't know what to do or how to approach this. I feel horrible. I can't compete with her because she's very pretty. What do I do? He was the only thing that was making me feel happy during my rough time right now, now I'm scared I'm about to lose him.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • The guy said he doesn't date anyone else. As far as I know, he didn't say he doesn't bang someone else. what if he is not interested in that girl for anything else than sex? If you start confronting him or blaming him, he will be quick to leave you on the curb. I know that if I was starting to warm up to a girl and she suddenly went psycho, I'd cut it off immediately.
    By saying he is not dating someone else, he is saying he is not looking for something else. He is interested in you. He is getting sex on the side while you guys get to know each other better.

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    • Are you sure?
      Yeah, because I told him I was a virgin. He said he didn't care.
      We talk constantly and I dont see how he would even have time to meet her, etc.
      I hope what he's saying is true.
      Sex is sex and I won't envy that.
      What I will envy is him creating another emotional connection and ditching me.
      That's why I'm asking for help. I don't want to go psycho. I'm actually being very patient with him and taking my time. But after I saw that I felt a bit worthless like I'm not enough for him.

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    • Well, does this sound okay? " Hey, not to be a stalker but I kinda noticed some things when hanging out with you. I put two and two together and I'm wondering if you're satisfied with dating me? If you're not I would find it better if we communicate it so there's no one getting the wrong idea or this being one sided." ?

      This guy keeps telling me he got cheated on 4 times in his past relationships. He keeps telling me he misses me and I'm the first girl his friends even like. I don't know if this is the kind of game he plays and they're all in on it or what. But I'm not finding it funny. 3 months ago I came out of dating someone dangerous and played me. I tried very hard to screen my current guy so I wouldn't make a mistake and here I go again. Seems like it's never ending for me.

    • What is the first thing that comes to mind when I start a sentence like this: "I am no racist but..."
      You know you are not gonna like what follows...
      "Hey ! I am not a stalker but..."

      Hi! I am aware there may be another woman in your life and it's been concerning me lately. I am really enjoying the time we've spent together lately and I have been wondering if you have been enjoying it as much. I am eager to see this relationship further develop but since I have been hurt in the past, the idea that you might be seeing someone else scares me. I think you know how hurtful it can be to find out you are a third wheel. With that said, I would like to hear your thoughts about what it is that we have and if it's something that you find worth pursuing. I just need to be told I won't be ditched and that I am right for wanting this to go further.

      You could use that and make your own. I am sure you can do better. The point is not to make him feel guilty but to know what's going on.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Stop thinking so much. You don't know anything forsure yet. She could easily be a really good friend. Even if he did start dating someone else.. Like you said you're not exclusive. Let him decide if he wants to be with you. If he chooses someone over you, you don't want to be with him anyways

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What Guys Said 4

  • Confront him, and take a decision. Seems like he is actually seeing multiple people.

    And if he is indeed lying to you, you should be happy to 'lose' him, not scared.

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    • Well this sucks.
      He talks to me all day over the phone. Morning and night.
      Tells me where he goes and snaps me.
      I don't understand why he has to lie.
      I figured I wasn't really his type anyways. Nor was he.
      How do I confront? I was just snooping and I dont want to say hey, I was stalking you and I found out you're talking to another girl?

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    • I know, right? That's the reason I have almost lost faith in humanity.

      The human species is inherently cruel, selfish and judgmental. And to be 'good', they have to go against their instincts. Most people do not want to put in the efforts, so they merrily continue being evil.

      I'm not a saint either, but humans repulse me so I stay away from them unless I know for a fact that he/she is a good person at least to a reasonable extent.

    • Yeah...
      I''m not a saint myself but I definitely have good intentions that's forsure.
      But whatever. I'll ask him and we will see.

  • This is not a fun game he is playing. As you said , he told you he don't double date and you don't rightly have the ability to say it is exclusive but it's still to some degree a betrayal of sorts , <3 would give anyone the indication she isn't a friend that most guys would have other than a friend with potential for more

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    • Yeah. I feel a bit betrayed.
      I asked him before I invested in him if he multi dates.
      If he would've said yes then I wouldn't have gone farther getting to know him.
      I'd rather not compete because I don't have much to keep myself in this game guys play.
      I hate confrontation as well. I haven't heard from him today, but we spoke all day yesterday and it felt like everything was peachy. I guess I'll just disappear and not create situations.

    • Well if that's what he is doing he will soon find that he is playing on ice and it's on a steep incline. . If this girl can or would take him from you then he will find that another guy can and will take her from him. I loath a woman that would do that , enough to crush her dreams like a bug

  • That punk ain't shit. Dump his ass and get somone else.

    His friends are gonna back him on anything just so he can get in your pants.

    Confront him about it, any hesitation means he's probably lying about the other girl. And if he gets upset over you questioning him, he's definitely has the other girl as a side piece.

    Dont get used OP

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    • I really hate confrontation.
      Sigh. This is horrible.
      I'd rather just disappear and he can go to the next girl with no problem.
      Should I just say, I noticed something when hanging out with you. I put two and two together.
      Are you not seeing me as a potential date? If not please let me know. No hard feelings. But I have to ask you because I can't keep investing if it's not mutual?

      I don't know does it sound good?

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    • when does one become exclusive?

      he's the one that uses the term dating.
      So if im not dating him I don't know what my status is.
      is it just seeing? all these terms and steps are ridiculous tbh

    • I understand you're frustration. Just ask him if he sees you as someone he could be with long term. Guys prefer a straightforward approach, well i do.

      If he sees it as dating then yes you are just seeing him. And he might continue to date other females if you dont make it clear about what you want out of that relationship.

      Exclusivity is a blurry line. I prefer to ask straight up.

  • ask him if he is seeing her. maybe they are family or something?

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    • No, they're definitely not family.
      That's forsure.
      But I'm not his girlfriend. How can I ask such a thing?

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    • I asked him that before I went on even more dates.
      I asked him does he multidate and will he see other people?
      He said no, but he used to. He asked me will I? I told him no.
      So perhaps I'm just another pawn in a game. I really thought it would be different.

    • well you can always ask him again you know.

What Girls Said 2

  • Yea, he's seeing her too

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    • Good to know...
      He's pretty good considering we literally talk almost every moment.
      That he talks to me on the phone while he's working.
      I don't know how to confront this..

    • Well, first off, if he is lying do you want to continue seeing him? If not, you have nothing to lose- ask if he's seeing anybody else, if he says no, just ask him who she is and mention her by name, just ask all casual like. Nothing to lose because if he's lying and you don't wanna see him, who cares what he thinks about you confronting him, it's not like he's gonna be in your life.
      If he was lying and you did wanna keep seeing him, I'd still say ask him if he's seeing anybody, and if he says no still then you know where you stand with him or if you can trust him or whatever.

  • Confronting him is the best choice.

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    • Exactly how do I confront without sounding like... crazy?

    • Talk to him into in an isolated area , and ask him about the girl and tell him how you feel about it.

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