Feeling bad after a first date?

So I'm confused. How do you take it when a guy isn't interested after a first date?
I frequently get told I'm pretty, sexy, cute, etc. and not just from men, but women too.
i am curvy/full figuredish (not in the gigantic bbw category) which I completely understand isn't everyone's thing, however, I never have issues attracting men or getting dates.
last night, I went on a first date and the guy literally told me I was "damn gorgeous" and so pretty that I could wear a trash bag and look amazing.
Then tonight, I went on a different first date and while he was nice and everything, I was getting the vibe he wasn't into it. I texted him shortly after and told him that was the vibe I got and he said, "I hope I wasn't rude or anything. You are a very interesting person and you didn't do anything wong, but yes I wasn't feeling it. But that's what dating is about! I wish you luck finding that someone."
so since I'm not boring and didn't do anything wrong, doesn't that leave that I wasn't pretty to him?
And it's weird, I literally had an ex who would put his glasses back on during sex so he could see me better...
I'm just feeling ugly I guess?
I've been on a lot of dates the past couple months, most of them have wanted to see me again but a few haven't, and I don't know how to feel.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Nahhh sis. Looks aren't everything yeah they are important but you both need to click as well. Did you get the vibe the whole time you where on the date? If so he might be hung up on some girl atm.
    But in the end your personalitis probably didn't match up.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • No, you are pretty. He was attracted to you, otherwise I think he wouldn't have gone out with you. Perhaps he met you and just got a feeling that you weren't for him. Sometimes when you meet a person, things are great online and in text. But when you meet them, the chemistry or something is just not there.

    Try not to take it too personal, though I know that is hard. Trust me, it's not to do with your looks. Perhaps after talking with you he felt you two were just too different and things wouldn't work out. Perhaps he already has a thing with someone but agreed to the date beforehand and didn't want to cancel.

    I think it's normal to feel how you feel. But that is how dating is. Most guys won't see you again, even if they seemed like they were interested.

    I've been online for almost a year now after my last break up. Not my first time online, but lots of guys have not came for a second date. It is what it is.

    I've seen some guys for a few months, not official or anything and then they drift away. It sucks, but it is what it is. I don't try to force things. If they want to see me, they will make an effort. If not, well that's their loss. I just move on.

    You'll eventually find a guy who is crazy about you. But until then try not to take it too personal. People have all sorts of reasons for what they do. It's not always just about you. It could be that they just aren't ready, or have other things going on. Sometimes you later find it that is a blessing in disguise.

    There have been guys who I had gone on a date with, who I later find out aren't actually great people at all. So just try to keep your head up and move forward! :)

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What Guys Said 7

  • This seems to be the classic case of guys getting intimidated by the girl's looks, and copping out.

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    • Not necessarily. I know a real cutie but after the infatuation level went to normal, I noticed that she had very little to say and couldn't hold a decent conversation so I lost interest. That ''guys are intimidated by my looks'' is just something people say to make themselves feel better if you ask me.

  • Looks likely doesn't have anything to do with it (if it was, he wouldn't have gone out with you in the first place). He just wasn't feeling it with you, no connection for whatever reason, personality etc. Don't take it personally.

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  • Never mind that he said he thought you were an interesting person... do you think anyone is going to bother saying otherwise and risk hurting another?

    He's hardly going to turn around just before he leaves and say ''hey girl, you were just boring and uninteresting, hope you meet someone nice''

    So the question is, do you think you are interesting?

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  • It's likely less to do with you and more to do with him. I have been on a date or two where I just wasn't feeling it. The women were attractive, they were nice women with good personalities but I didn't feel we clicked and that happens. Not all of us click and mesh well together and that is what dating is all about. It's about finding that person you click with and seeing if you build something worthwhile with each other.

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  • I'm sure your personalities just don't click.

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  • You're pretty average looking op. Maybe you're just annoying.

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  • perhaps you didn't show, tell, or initiate your feelings and desires with him, guys dont like being the only ones to have to do that. so your looks are not the problem. it could be your personality, but i dont know you, im just throwing in ideas. your beautiful but you wouldn't be my type, because your not a virgin, maybe they knew that somehow and felt the same. i dont know.

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What Girls Said 12

  • It's got nothing to do with you. You know how you get that feeling (maybe it's butterflies in the stomach or your heart starts to beat faster) when you first see that someone? That fuse about to come a light when you meet someone. Maybe he wasn't feeling it. There was no "force" pulling him towards you. He probably has a preference and you just didn't fit into it. Nonetheless he said you didn't do anything wrong.

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  • It's all part of the dating scene. The more first dates you go on the more likely the odds are that some won't find a connection. Maybe slow down the first dates and try to get more comfortable with men that are open to second and third dates.

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  • You just count your losses and move on. Maybe he just didn't feel your personalities click. Dating is about getting to know someone.

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  • I mean there is always gonna be someone that finds you unattractive, no matter how attractive you are. Thats life. You win some and loose some. Its a learning process.

    Just be happy that you caught on after one day and not one year!

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  • Maybe just not his type. That's okay, we all go through it from both giving and recieving end. You'll end up doing it to some nice/good looking guy (mark my words), sometimes a piece you can't put your finger on isn't there.

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  • Why do you base your worth on what others think of you? That's so insecure.

    Not everyone is gonna be into you, just accept that without feeling down on yourself.

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  • Well he either didn't feel you were compatible even though he thought you were a pleasant person, or he just didn't find you attractive, after all beauty is subjective

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  • Don't worry about it! It happens. You just never know what another person is thinking.

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  • Girl it could have been worse. He could have decided to leave the date early.

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  • Just dont care about that after all, he is the one who lost and you are beautiful :)

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  • You were probably boring or irritating to him

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  • Not everyone is going to like you. If it didn't go well then you just move on to someone else. Don't take it personally.

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