Long term girlfriend has started messaging another guy... Any advice?

I've been with my partner for a long time and we've had our fair share of problems throughout the years we've been together but recently I found out that she'd been messaging another guy.

It started a couple of weeks ago when she went on holiday with one of her friends, a chill holiday, just the two of them. I then went to visit my uni friend who had moved to Madrid. Everything felt fine until the end of my holiday, she had come home two days before me and had decided to start getting irate with me about something trivial (taking my car keys and blocking her in by accident, spare keys were in the house available).

I could tell something was wrong immediately. We had a little tiff when I got home which was sorted out. The next day I had to work late and she was going out with work. Normally we would message throughout the day with general chit chat etc but that day was like hard work chatting to her. Anyway she ended up ignoring me completely while she was out except an hour before she got in I just got an ':(' emoji, I messaged back immediately asking what's up but got ignored again.

When she got in, I was still up and she was awful to me, had demanded why I hadn't done anything for her all night and went to bed immediately. I had an extremely bad feeling about what was going on and so I did the distrustful thing of looking through her phone. I then found 1000s of messages to and from this guy starting from when she went away. These weren’t sexual messages but they were flirty and this night she had literally begged this guy to come out, over and over and over. Fortunately he couldn’t make it.

I was distraught about the situation and had no idea what to do; she was chatting to a guy about 9 months ago, doing a similar thing and deleting the messages but got caught in the act. I told her if it ever happened again we were over. I love her but I feel like this is something that will continue in another 9 months or so, can anyone offer any advice?

Updates:
So I confronted her about this last night and she went mad at me for going though her phone, I had to really stress that that mean going through it was justified in the end even though it was wrong.

She finally started to tell me that she felt like she was going through some crisis in her life and that the guy was just a distraction and a bit of fun but it wouldn't have gone anywhere... I'm not sure I believe that but I don't think I can make my mind up without knowing everything?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • It's time to leave. It's happened before. You told her what would happen if she did it again. Yes you love her maybe she loves you. It that's not the way to show it and these little fights are only a sign of what's to come. you don't seem to trust her and I can understand why so even if she did stop you'd still always wonder. Not good for a relationship. Sorry. 😕

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    • In reply to your update. Your girl is going through a crisis. Ok, it happens. Why does she need a distraction? Either you/the relationship is the crisis OR its some crisis outside you guys but she still chose to run to another guy to deal with this crisis instead of running to her boyfriend? This doesn't look good for a future. Every time there's a crisis she's going to find another guy to distract herself with? That would be your job as her boyfriend. I'm sorry. I understand your reluctance to end a relationship but in all seriousness what more do you need to know? I'm not trying to push you to end something but from an outsiders perrspective this relationship, if you stay isn't going to be very healthy, I don't think. and forgive me for saying this, but she seems very selfish for doing this to you again. Also not a great sign for a good healthy relationship.

What Girls Said 2

  • :( oh dear poor you. It does sound like she got mad at you for nothing because she was feeling guilty about something doesn't it? :(

    The worst thing you could do would be to be confrontational but you also need to get to the bottom of this. I would ask her to sit down because you 'need to talk' and then ask her 'if everything has been alright lately because I feel like a wall has come up between us and that maybe something is on your mind but you just don't know how to tell me? You know you can talk to me about anything' and just see what she says. If she denies anything is wrong or tells you that you've been shit to her recently or something then you have to present her with the evidence. Then tell her you need some space to mull things over, pack your shit and go away for a few days. If she loves you then she'll beg for u back and you can tell her its her last chance. If she doesn't then it wasn't meant to be.

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  • this might happen again in the future... sorry but there's something going on in there

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What Guys Said 3

  • Dump her immediately. Don't give her a chance to tell lies or negotiate. She's already planned to cheat. This relationship is over.

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  • This is a no brainer, leave her ass and find some self respect. The holy vagina ain't worth stress and anger.

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    • Agreed -- but wanted to point out that some vaginas are not so holy. They can smell foul and have stuff caught inside their pubic hairs like a guy with a beard getting food stuck in there. I have encountered some unholy vaginas, and they actually belonged to some very otherwise pretty girls.

    • Everyone should check their girl's vagina before falling in love. You never know what kind of vagina she is going to have.

  • Either dump her now or wait for her to dump you once she has the other guy secured. its over.

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