Girls Only: Does a shy guy have any chance with a woman?

I'm 19 and a black male at 5'6 but I'm shy as hell, I play the piano, and can't express myself quickly and I feel horrible about it as if I have some kind of disease or something. Why is it that attracting women is like a science or math equation and you gotta do "this" right and you gotta "that" right or else you fail completely? Even when they say if she rejects me it's their loss, I'm like how, because they can still get a guy who's better than me and me I'm still alone? I workout and have a job so it's not like I'm a coach potato. However does a shy guy like me can even have a chance of attracting a woman? Be honest!


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Most Helpful Girl

  • You sound totally fine lol. It's more difficult I would say, because as a shy guy you can't really follow the whole "be confident! just go to a girl at a bar and talk to her!" approach.. but there are other ways around it. Plus with how you are, those types of women don't sound really like the type you'd get along best with anyways. If you're shy, your best bet is to find people that share common interests and things you do. If you game or stream or do anything music related on a forum, those are all good venues to meet people both friends and potential girlfriends. Any guy being "better" than you is all relative. They might have been better for that girl because of what she was looking for, but it has nothing to do with who you are specifically. You'll be fine, and you'll find your vibe.

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What Girls Said 21

  • Some girls prefer shyer types, but there's a lot of us that don't. I personally don't like shy guys in regards to dting (as people and friends is fine) because I am the opposite of shy.

    Also there isn't any science or math to winning over a woman. Sure, there's generalizations and a concentrated group might not like one thing commonly, but that doesn't speak for all of us and our preferences. Women are humans, not their own species with specific expectations that apply to all of us.

    The reason why guys have problems getting girls is that they read as insecure and they don't make their feelings clear. That's frustrating for anybody, male or female, and can make reading you hard. Most people want a partner who is self assured enough to communicate with them.

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    • What about the guys that get all the girls and say the right to get her interested?

    • Well I won't lie to you, confidence in general attracts both genders, which is why they are more likely to have success. Finding somebody who is into more shy, reserved guys isn't impossible to find, but on the whole, both girls and guys prefer somebody that is easy to read and willing to approach them.

  • Of course, somebody is bound to want to be with you. But you have to make time to get to know women more, even if its one person at a time. Focus on building yourself up as a man, and somebody will pay attention to you. You can't attract a woman who doesn't do that. Her focus will be on somebody else.

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  • Yes! You'll be fine. There are lots of women who are attracted to shy guys, even if it doesn't look like that. We girls are sometimes just as shy as you, so we might not make the first move. But you'll definitely find a girl, no worries :) ESPECIALLY because you are playing piano. Love creative guys haha.

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    • I mean I guess but most I've seen are pretty outgoing and it lowkey makes me nervous af.

    • I know, and I understand. You might think you have to be outgoing as well to get a girl, but have you realized that many outgoing girls take a long time finding a stable relationship? Everyone is different of course, and they may have an easier time finding someone, but that doesn't mean you'll stay alone.

      To be honest. I am not very outgoing as well. I never went to a bar or a disco, and don't have many friends. However, I met my boyfriend online, and we live together now for 2 years. Being different doesn't immediately mean that it's bad and you'll be lonely forever.

  • I would date u

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  • Yes! Shy guys are usually really sweet. I fell in love with my guy friend and he was shy and kinda awkward but I didn't care. He walked me home, kept me safe, and was there when I needed him:) That's what mattered most to me

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  • Your shyness dont interfere in your beauty. If you are nice guy why a girl shoudnt date you?
    Dont be worry , just start a normal conversation , if you hide from the people they never will know how great you are.
    And remember everyone fails and do mistakes.

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  • Yes! Shy guys absolutely do have a chance, if I am generally into them. You shouldn't worry so much though. Having confidence in who you are and what you want can be extremely attractive and outweight any shyness.

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  • Yes of course! why not.. there are all types of person
    .. and everyone have different interests

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  • Yeah haha I just think that if the girl gives you signals that she likes you give her a signal back that your interested in her too, it is kind of hard when your shy but you have to practice to get better. I was really shy but getting to college made me be a more sociable person.

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    • I can talk to girls who are my friends or not that attractive but once a hint of interest comes up I tend to think I'll mess up talking to her.

    • 3mo

      Don't think that your going to mess up if your funny i think thats a grate advantage

  • Shy guys have a chance if they take a unshy chance. Girls don't need some loud guy to be with, but most girls ( not all) like a guy who isn't afraid to tell them how they feel. And don't feel forced to do this right away. Just know that everything happens in good time be patient.

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  • Course you have a chance! With a confident woman lol. I'm shy, so I wouldn't like a shy guy due to the fact I would feel uncomfortable

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  • There doesn't sound like there's any problems with you, tons of girls love shy guys, I think in my opinion it makes them seem vulnerable in a way? But in a good, cute kind of way, which is why it's attracting. And piano, that's another good bonus too. I think you just haven't met the right girls, or just haven't realized it because they might be shy too.

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  • I think it's all about preference. Like me, I'm very shy around men I find attractive, so I prefer men who are straight up with me. I do truly believe opposites attract so I'd be looking for a confident or outgoing women.

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  • Yeah, you do. Honeslty, just say hi to a girl. I love it when guys come up to me or are standing next to me at a store or something and make a joke or something, especially if they workout !

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  • Yeah!
    I met this guy in class who was VERY shy, but I thought he was cute and wanted to talk to him
    He was literally very very shy/quiet
    I sat next to him and started asking him for paper/annoying him haha until he opened up...

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  • Yup, just find someone like you or that compliments your personality

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  • There's always a chance, but your chances are improved if you show interest in a girl first.

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  • You're 5"6? Wow, you're the same height as me. XD

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  • If she's outgoing. I find that when its 2 shy people, it doesn't go anywhere

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  • Well, you're probably failing more because you see it as "Why is it that attracting women is like a science or math equation and you gotta do "this" right and you gotta "that" right or else you fail completely?" it's not supposed to be. It's more about just being able to talk to people easily and making women feel at ease with you and like they can just chill out and be comfortable with you.
    It's your shyness that is probably the biggest road block right now. Work on that first and getting women will be 10x easier. Just start talking to more random people, you'll feel like an idiot at first but it'll get easier. Make small talk with the cashier when you buy something, smile at people on the way to work- people love that and it cheers up their morning, just get interacting with more people til it becomes easier then step it up to small talk with random women then up to asking for numbers. It sounds harder than it is. You'll wonder what you were worried about one day.

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  • Have you ever tried the silent and brooding thing? a lot of woman find that sexy and it's doable for a shy guy. Then when your interested state it more so then ask... try to do it as stoic as possible (which will help protect your nerves a bit too). Once you have her in and interested take your time letting her get to now the real you.

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