How to get over my fear of dating?

Okay so this sounds kinda pathetic and depressing BUT I've never dated anyone and I don't think I will anytime soon. I'm 17 right now, and I know that dating isn't a life or death type thing or some big shot ideal thing the movies make it out to be so I've just never been focused on dating: I don't see the whole "I need a person to make me happy". However, I asked my older cousin if that made me seem strange and she told me it's no big deal, just as long as I don't wait too long because I'll miss my shot without even knowing I had one. //That// got me thinking: why don't I just go for it and date? The problem is that I realized I'm afraid to date and that's a big reason why I say no to the guys that ask me out is because I'm scared I'll scare them away somehow. Whether it's my crazy family or my problematic self (I admit i am problematic but I don't wanna drop my problems on the poor guy), I'm scared I'll accidentally distance myself from the guy and then what's the point of a relationship? I've been told I have trouble opening up and I don't deny that (I'm super shy and socially awkward). I'm also afraid that I'll annoy the guy before I even get to make a move (I also have anxiety sooo yea I'm a mess). I don't know how to get past all that and say a simple "hello" to an attractive person without looking like a dork or wimping out. I feel like as a teenager I should already know the basics about dating but I don't even know the basics about "peopling" lol.

Updates:
Yeah I know I'm just a teenager, it's not like I'm looking to date right away. I've never been so hell bent on the idea in the first place because I've been so focused on school activities and my grades, AP classes and all that jazz. I'm just open to any advice for future reference if it ever came up

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Most Helpful Guy

  • It's VERY natural to be scared of dating before you do it. Hell, I still get nervous to date and I'm in my mid 30s! If you scare a guy away, then good! He wasn't right for you. You don't want to keep around a guy that doesn't appreciate you for who you are. The right one will stick around despite your flaws, quirks, silliness, lack of silliness, whatever you think will scare someone away.

    I personally find girls that are shy and socially awkward to be adorable. It makes me feel a little more "normal" and I can relate to them because I'm the same way.

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What Guys Said 6

  • First of all you are a teenager... and just be honest... Love the line... "I'm super shy and socially awkward and I am a hot mess"... Tell that to the guy.. so refreshing and different. Embrace this believe me... it's attractive. And it relieves pressure off of you. Quirky is the new sexy. Trust me.

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  • Don't date in high school! Focus on your grades and getting into a good college.

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  • Hey the first step would be, you being yourself, and be honest about what ever issues you may have, guys who really like you won't care about all that stuff you gotta give them a chance they may actually help you in ways you mever knew!

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  • Who cares if you annoy the guy.
    Aren't guys already asking you out? Do you swing dance?
    To be honest this will take some time to overcome, the reason I say this is because I was super shy and a bad conversation starter as well.
    practice talking with adults, young people are going to be a bit harsh.

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  • You just need to like the person you date

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  • Start with something slow and just get out of your comfort zone socially and work your way from there

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What Girls Said 14

  • Your not ready to date now. If your fearful of dating you have every right to be with what's happening in relationships in this day and age. You don't know who's out to use you, for what purpose or their true intentions etc. What could hurt you is the new norm for everybody else. It's best to know why you feel the way you feel, what brings about such a fear, and set up boundaries on those areas. If you dating because of sexual reasons or just sex in general. No problem. You have every right. Because that is one of the most dangerous situations in a relationship, regardless if you trust a person or not. Do not get in a relationship you can not deal with or handle. Do not allow anybody to tell you to do something you do not want to do, or try to force you to change your mind because it's what they want. What about you? Are they respecting your desires?

    That's what you need think about at any age of dating. And when you are ready to start dating, know what the person is looking for in a relationship first. I don't care how early it is, find out now, before your in weeks and months of a relationship, and you end up doing things you regretted just to try to make another person happy. That is not a relationship, and it's abusive. Build yourself up as a young woman first, finish school, and focus on what you want to do after high school. You still have time, but always know what you want first. And don't give in to pressure, if you are, then it's not for you. Get yourself settled, and then you can think about if you want to date or not. Your not alone, its something I had to always think about even as I'm on here.

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    • Sorry: Meant to say "If your afraid of dating because of sexual reasons or just sex in general."

  • I relate to this so much. I'm 18 and never been on a date, but I like being alone. This guy likes me now and so we're going to go on a date soon and I feel so awkward because I've never been on a date and he has a few ex girlfriends. I'm so inexperienced it's embarrassing. I just want to live alone with my cats. Is that too much to ask?
    But honestly I'm just going to go and be like "yo this is me" and if he doesn't like it I'm fine because I have accepted my forever alone status and I'm content with it. I don't really think there's anything to be afraid of. If it's horrible, you can have a fun story to share with your friends later.

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  • I'm pretty much the same and as I got older I tried it to just see what it was like and I think it's a good experience because you learn what you actually like in a guy and don't. Also you know what you really need to work on. For me it's showing affection. I can open up but I have to trust the guy first

    I waited until after high school to date though, I wanted to focus on school AND not risk pregnancy like some of my peers.

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  • Hey, I'm 17 too and I think I know what you are feeling. Three of my closest friends have a BF/GF and I have never asked anyone out or been asked myself, been in a relationship or even been kissed, so I will tell you what I try to tell myself; learn to love yourself and then you will be able to find the confidence to find someone who will make you happy. It can be a long road to find that confidence but I believe I will get there one day soon. The right person won't care how weird you are because they are probably just the same :) I wish you the best of luck! xo

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  • Don't go on a date. Sit in his room and watch TV togethewr and eat popcorn out of the microwave. The sex is better that way.

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  • Focus on school for now. You'll get a lot more opportunities in college.

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  • I feel you. T__T

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  • Na, you're doing it the right way round.

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  • Its ok to not date yet, i was like you before. I didn't date til i was 18. To get used to dating and such, you just gotta go on dates. Its just like facing your fears to overcome it.

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  • I'm in the same boat, I just finished first year college and have never dated anyone either. Quite frankly, i don't know enough guys to have a crush on or try to become friends with to date. Being shy and not into the whole "bar scene" I'm just planning on doing more of what I love outside of classes and hopefully I meet someone who shares my interests!

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  • Omg I'm 20, and this is what I'm going through right now. Like I want to date, and I know what I want but im so scared/nervous.

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  • The expert has spoken! :D

    No but seriously, I am pretty socially awkward as well and used to be pretty shy. My ex-boyfriends take on our first date was in saying: "You didn't speak to me. . . At all." It's not as off-putting as it seems to be (It's more important you know who you are and what you want for yourself). I got a lot of lines over the years and would say: If a guy tells you you're unsexy or strange for being shy, then he usually wasn't seriously interested in you anyways. Just do you.

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  • I practiced on my brother because I was afraid I'd be a bad kisser and bad at handjobs, blowjobs and sex. My brother said I was really good so I wasn't worried on my first date.

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  • Trust me I feel you, I end up pushing the decent guys away and not meaning to. And I feel awkward when it comes to new people I haven't met because i try to keep the conversation going but I feel like I am asking too much. From where I'm coming from, my past have been like hell, honestly. I thought I was dating someone but it was just someone pretending to be him via text. I fell for his words so it took me 3 years to move on. So, yes I'm afraid of dating other people.

    Therefore, i am here giving advice when I can't get involved. xD So, take baby steps you know?

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