I don't know if this guy wants sex or something more. Advice?

Ok so I met this guy at the mall. He works there, and I passed by him, he stopped me, introduced himself and we chatted for a second. He didn't have his phone on him because he was working so he gave me his number. I took it and text him. We chatted and I told him that I was looking to date and hopefully have a relationship if it works out. He said he was looking for someone to chill with and mess around with a bit and if he was happy hopefully start a relationship. He also told me that he was interested in getting to know me. For 5 days we've talked everything is perfect. We text from sun up to sun down. He called me the other night and we got to talking about past relationships. We've both been hurt and cheated on, we also talked about other things. We were on the phone for 3 hours, at the end it turned sexual and I went alone. We said things and I thought it was all play. But last night he was talking about actually doing those things. I told him was looking to date, not just sex. Like at least take me out, he said," I will, but last night you agreed to have sex". Now I'm completely confused because during those 5 days I thought he was genuinely interested in getting to know me and date me. I don't know what to do. My stupid feelings have already started to develop. I'm starting to see him as a potential boyfriend. What do I do!


Most Helpful Guy

  • "We chatted and I told him that I was looking to date and hopefully have a relationship if it works out. He said he was looking for someone to chill with and mess around with a bit and if he was happy hopefully start a relationship."

    Guys who want to date aren't "looking for someone to chill with." That's code for "casual sex." Guys who want to date/be in a relationship go after dates/relationships, knowing that sex will be part of that package and not something they need to worry too much about getting.

    Your problem is that you aren't treating your desires as RULES and STANDARDS that MUST be met... you say what you want, but aren't making it clear that you will stand by those standards.

    You could solve these problems easily - you simply tell prospective dates "I'm interested in dating you and potentially being in a relationship with you, and of course I like sex as much as anyone, but you need to know that I don't have sex outside of committed, official relationships, so if that isn't what you're looking for, then I don't want to waste your time, because you won't get anywhere with me that way." You can go on to clarify that you expect to be taken on dates - even if it means walks in the park or a picnic (no real money or fancy stuff necessary) - and aren't interested in "Netflix & chill" (aka casual sex).

    You have to be that blunt and straightforward with guys, or they'll just end up telling you what you want to hear so they can get laid - and they'll do exactly that if you let them. No one else is going to set standards and rules for you - you have to do this for yourself, for your own emotional (and other) protection.

    By setting rules, you create structure and communicate your expectations in a concrete way, and that will help keep your relationship status from being "complicated" (aka "sloppy").


Most Helpful Girl

  • I think he isn't good news. Don't waste your time with him. Once you have sex with him, he'll leave you


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What Guys Said 2

  • His not even serious about going into a relationship. If a guy that you just met not long ago and genuinely likes you, he wouldn't even initiate about sex or anything because these does not matter to him. What would be on his mind will be like, How can i make her happy or where should we go on a date or something like that rather than planning on having sex after the date which is just ridiculous and shows how disrespectful of him to see you in this manner. I would say it's a no-go before you develop any feelings further which you might regret in a later time. All the best!
    Tips: Any guys who talk to you and mention about sex or things related like this, then it's not worth your time because you know what they are here for.

  • Usual tactics being played here. He is just letting you hear what you want to hear, he is relating to your stories and fabricating stories of his own, and unless he was joking about the sex part, he really just wants to hit and quit it. I could be wrong, but it looks like it is heading in that direction.


What Girls Said 1

  • You want a boyfriend to fall in love with; to build a relationship with. He wants a girlfriend to have sex with and... well, have sex with. It's a tale as old as time.