Why is it hard to believe that a cheater can genuinely regret cheating?

So there was a mytake where this person was explaining that she regrets cheating and not all cheaters are going to cheat again and again, and of course all the opinions were very negative. But i'm just wondering why?
Like of course cheaters did something really wrong and they shouldn't get a second chance, but why is it so hard to believe that someone can regret hurting that person and wish they could go back and stop themselves from cheating? Can't a person make mistakes in their life and learn from them?

By the way, I have never cheated and never been cheated on. If someone cheated on me, I would not give them another chance.

Updates:
Some people aren't understanding that you can't exactly regret something that hasn't happened yet. I got a few answers that was like "Well if they were going to regret it, then they shouldn't of done it"
You regret things that happened in the past, you can't regret things in the future lol

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Most Helpful Guy

  • It's not that a cheater can't have remorse and never do it again. It's that you never know. You don't know why they cheated (probably). You don't know how sorry they are. You don't know if they will do it again. You never really know if they can be trusted.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I agree with you that just because you don't think that person can be trusted due to previous actions, doesn't mean you can't believe that he/she regrets that action. I think that a lot of times, people who cheat do it habitually, so people generally perceive it as more a character trait than just a one-time fall. That's why some people think cheaters don't regret it. But of course it is not that black and white. If someone did it once I do believe he/she can genuinely feel bad about it and resolve to not do it again. Whether or not I would trust his/her word is a different story, very much like what you said :).

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What Guys Said 31

  • Of course she can regret it and of course she can change for the better.

    Topics like cheating and suicide and so forth tend to raise very strong emotions. So we tend to give convenient labels to make ourselves feel better: "cheaters are always cheaters", "suicidal people are always cowards", etc. It's our way of making life more black and white -- down to good guys and bad guys.

    It's because to empathize in these situations might be terrifying. It's easier to just paint these people as evil villains, intent on just causing harm to others around them for the rest of their lives.

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  • That's because cheating is not a mistake, it's a decision , a choice that was taken by the person who decided to cheat on the other with someone else. Hence cheaters always know what they are doing and when they are doing it, they do that without guilt so I am sure that they will never regret it either.

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    • We can regret decisions we made, thats what a regret is. Like i regret not visiting my sister in the hospital before she died. I knew she was sick, I knew I had an opportunity to see her. I made that choice and now I can't go back to fix it. Thats my regret. Why are you so sure that some people who cheat don't wish they can go back and fix it?

  • 1. Most cheaters are sorry and truly regret. . . that they got caught.

    2. Is someone respects you, they will not cheat the first time. If they don't respect you, they would cheat on you multiple times.

    3. Love is a nice sounding word, but real love is expressed in how someone treats you.

    4. "I'm sorry and I'll never do it again" sounds nice but that same person once said, "I'll never cheat on you." Since they have proven that they are a liar, why should you trust that they are now being honest when they express their remorse?

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  • I certainly don't endorse cheating, but I think people go wayyyyy overboard with the reaction. If someone cheats on you and that's a breach of trust that you can't get past, by all means, leave the relationship, I understand that reaction. But where it goes off the rails is the branding of "cheater", like some people act like you murdered somebody. Is it an admirable thing to do? Of course not. I understand why someone might hesitate or refuse to date someone with that on their track record. But the "once a cheater, always a cheater" is just a cliché "bumper sticker slogan." I don't believe that at all. You're telling me that if someone cheated on their girlfriend in junior high, then that means they'll automatically do it again in their 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, etc? Or even as an adult, I just don't believe that. People are capable of learning lessons, capable of feeling remorse and regret, capable of personal growth, at any point in their lives. I can envision a scenario where someone caught up in a moment, or losing sight of themselves for a period of time, or were drunk, or were wrestling with some issues in the relationship or life and it manifested itself in the worst way. Then that person comes clean or is caught, and their partner is terribly hurt, probably leaves, and the cheater is left feeling awful too. They know they brought it on themself, but they see the pain it caused the other person, or even the pain they caused themself by maybe losing someone they loved over one mistake, and they vow to never let that happen again. I know there are a lot of people out there who act selfishly and truly don't care about others and will cheat without remorse, but I don't think that's everyone, and maybe not even the majority, honestly. Basically, I think we have to be accepting of the fact that all of us are flawed and capable of poor decisions, but we're also capable of learning and growing from our missteps. If I was entertaining the idea of dating a girl who had cheating on her resume, that obviously raises my eyebrows and would require more information, but I wouldn't tell you I'd rule her out from the jump. If some girl cheated on her college boyfriend when she was drunk when she was 19, how much does that really affect things now if she were 37 like me? That's over 15 years ago, she could be a totally different person. As a general rule, I don't like to judge someone based on "the worst thing they ever did."

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  • To some people, the mentality is, "The person has proven the ability to be in an opportunity to cheat and act upon it"... and that is unsettling to said people.

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  • I have no doubt that a cheater regrets it, whether found out or not. I also think the regter can be genuine. It's up to them whether or not they learn from it. I think the same as you that a cheater gets no second chance.

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  • once a cheater Always a cheater. its like they're infected by some kind of latent virus that sometimes it gets more acute. It's basically saying "well you know, you trust me to the point that i can walk all over your love. you're not Worth that much to me anyway"
    sounds like shit doesnt? you can't polish a turd

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  • Because it is far safer to assume that they would in fact do it again than to think that they wouldn't and then be very heavily disappointed. I would never trust a cheater either.

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  • i agree. and i think for most who cheat they do regret it or at least regret bringing any pain to the person

    of course there are those who cheat that don't.

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  • Because cheating is really a big deal... It hurts the person who is cheated on to the core of his/her heart... And Its Beach of trust...
    People actually kill each other over cheating issues...
    And it's really hard to trust anyone when that Person cheats...
    So I don't think care if a cheater can change... If I was dating some girl and she happens to have a history of cheating even one time... I would not date her anymore...
    I would never date a cheater...
    Cause once a cheater always as cheater

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    • Also for a women to cheat or even a man to cheat it takes a really lose character to do so... and drop to a very lower level...

  • You have to remember cheaters are still humans with hearts and souls, so it possible for them to regret stuff.

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  • I personally think most cheaters regret cheating, whether they were caught or not. I also think it's a valid reason for ending a relationship.

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  • Oh for sure they can genuinely, like with anything. You do something stupid and you regret your decision.

    If you are 15, it's a bit early to be talking about cheating/being cheated on. I do agree with cheaters don't get another chance. At the same time, everybody deserves to start fresh... with someone else.

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  • I think I'm afraid to be hurt, and my respects towards that person fades lol. People being in a relationship and cheat... how could you betray the person that you should be loving? I can't wrap my mind around it.

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  • Because no one controls or makes you cheat they did it on their own will so its hard to forgive someone like that.

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  • Not "all" cheaters will. However like 99% will if given the chance again. if she regrets it that means she is against cheating. yet she still did it. There is no difference between now and then, so I thinks he would again in the right situation. I think a cheater can regret it, that can feel guilt for causing someone they care about pain. However in the heat of the moment they are selfish, they only care about themselves, its only after they regret.

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  • Maybe it's hard to believe because they all think like this, "If someone cheated on me, I would not give them another chance."

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    • You can forgive someone and not think they are an awful human being without giving them a second chance

    • If you've TRULY forgiven them, then you'd give them a second chance. The fact that you won't means you haven't TRULY forgiven them.

    • I'm not talking about trusting a cheater or forgiving them, I'm talking about cheaters regretting what they did.

  • Cheating can be the whim of a moment. (possibly a drunk moment or just an offered occasion, too tempting to turn down.)

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  • It's the ultimate betrayal and they know that before they do it, but they still do it. They might regret it, but they're selfish, weak and shallow, that's why I wouldn't forgive someone for cheating.

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  • It's not hard to believe that they regret. Just hard to believe that they won't do it again.

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  • It's not about whether people believe you regret it.
    It is more about people not giving a tiniest fuck whether you regret it.

    And honestly why should they? It changes absolutely nothing.

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  • I think it's different from case to case. If my girlfriend cheated on me, I would be extremely upset and disappointed, but I would still give her a 2nd chance if she's begs me for forgiveness and is genuinely sorry.

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  • It's not hard
    People do regret at some sort of time cause they know what they've done

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  • I dont think cheaters regret for real, they only feel bad because they got caught.
    My opinion anyways.

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  • have you ever cheated on a test?

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    • I know where you're going with this. You're going to ask me if I regret cheating on a test, which my response will be no. Then you will go on to say "You don't regret it because you didn't get caught, same thing with cheating on someone. they don't regret cheating, they regret not getting away with it" Or something like that, no?

    • Was gonna ask did you tell them you cheated?

    • Though you do bring up a good point

  • I've only cheated 4 times in my life.

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  • Once a cheater, always a cheater. They do not deserve forgiveness or respect.

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  • It's not hard to believe, but why would any sane person trust someone who has previous form in regards to cheating?

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  • Yeah it's hard to believe

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  • Because most of them don't. If they get caught they say they do, but then most continue cheating and just try to hide it better. It is possible they regret it, but rare, hence hard to believe.

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What Girls Said 19

  • If you would never give a cheater a second chance... shouldn't you know the answer as to why others would also not give second chances?

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    • I'm not talking about giving cheaters second chances, I'm talking about cheaters regreting what they did

    • Cheaters only regret cheating when they get caught. It doesn't even matter if they loved or even like the person they are with. If they have any character and any sense of self respect, they don't cheat because it is a completely scummy thing to do and the 2nd worse thing you can do in any relationship after physical abuse.
      I only knew my ex wife 1 month before going into the military. But I realized I wanted to marry her before I left. Once I was in tech school, ANYONE can get laid just about as much as they want. I turned down 7 women, including a threesome offer. It was not easy because they were extremely hot. But there is no way I would have been able to live with myself. There is no way my ex would have ever known, but I would have known. I was with my ex 25 years. She wanted the divorce, not me. But I don't regret anything. (sorry for posting here, but the question was closed. has nothing do do with @prettygurl12)

  • There are those who dont intentionally cheat (heat of the moment), those who cheat (indecisive), those who cheat (unfulfilled or undesired) and those who professionally cheat (YOLO mindset)..

    of all of them i can see the first 3 examples regretting their decision and i can forgive that because everyone makes mistakes, but the last example is despicable especially when they've been given a second chance yet take it for granted and cheat again

    I dont blame them for being like that because they've done it so much and for so long that it has become second nature.. and like addictions it can be nigh impossible for someone to break the habit but that said i will never respect them and will demonize them, mainly because i father is a great example of one and i hate his guts.

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  • Cheaters can and (some) do regret cheating and get hurt over all the pain they've caused their partner, but the majority who cheat multiple or several times don't as I think if they truly regretted it they wouldn't keep repeating that action, and I think that's mainly where the negative stigma comes from. I've never cheated, but I have been cheated on several times by 2 of my ex's. None of them showed true remorse, guilt or regret. Unfortunately, some will show false signs of remorse, but some will only feel bad because they got caught out.

    But despite that, I do believe that some people who cheat can feel regret and wish they could go back in time and stop themselves from making the mistake they did, as a close friend of mine cheated on their partner and has been tearing themselves up for months now. (Their SO left them, and my friend is deeply ashamed and has been depressed ever since he done it.)

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  • Because often times when cheater "admit fault" it's really just them trying to rationalize and justify their decisions, even when they say there isn't any justification they still follow up with excuses and attempt to justify what they've done. Cheating is something that is entirely avoidable, so in order for you to cheat you really just needed to not give a care. And because of that it makes you a selfish and untrustworthy person.

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  • Should a murderer who regrets killing someone get sympathy and not be sent to prison?

    I know cheating and murder are quite different, but in both situations the person did an awful thing to another human being. I'd never be with someone who has cheated before. Sure, SOME people may change, but it's better to be safe than sorry.

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  • It's easier to lose trust than to gain it.

    Sure they can regret it all they want but they have already shattered any trust they had with the one they cheated on.

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  • Because GaG views cheating as on a par with shitting in your grandmothers mouth.

    It's up to the individuals but it's rarely a black and white situation and it really isn't anyone's business but the couple involved.

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    • Not just GaG. The general public believes, by a not insignificant margin:
      "screwing around behind your partner's back is an act worse than suicide"

      thestir.cafemom.com/.../most_people_think_cheating_is

      www.theatlantic.com/.../

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    • @Jager66 people are so fucking selfish, they think cheating is worse than someone taking their own life? How utterly horrid, I hope they get cheated on, they fucking deserve it if that's how they feel about humans. Utterly selfish.

    • yeah it's pretty crazy.

  • Yes, people can make mistakes and learn from them.

    When somebody continually does something that hurts a person, it's hard to believe they actually regret it. That goes for cheating, demeaning, or anything else harmful. Why? Because they keep doing the thing they know hurts somebody. The worst is when they aren't making a clear effort to try to change their behavior. Actions really do speak louder then words.

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  • I think people deserve a second chance. I don't think right to generalize all group of people like that.

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    • & you're only 18. Please keep thinking that generalizing groups is wrong. Also, please help encourage your peers to have the same view. The more people your age that feel the same way, the more compassionate the world you're generation creates will be.

  • They are not sorry that they cheated, they are only sorry they got caught

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  • It's not.
    The real problem is that cheaters are disloyal and there is nothing more disappointing and off putting that such a character trait

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  • It is not hard to believe that they regret, but it is already late, when they do.

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  • I don't think it's hard to believe that a cheater can genuinely regret cheating. But I wouldn't trust them anyway. What's done is done, it doesn't matter how sorry they feel about what they did.

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  • I don't think that's hard to believe at all. I don't even think cheating makes you a bad person, it's just a terrible thing to do. It does make them weak though and should always mean the end of a relationship.

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  • People have had bad experiences with cheaters. Personal accountability tends to be low with many of them, leading to cheating in the first place. I think people are just frustrated with those making excuses or blaming others for their own bad behavior.

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  • I honestly believe that some cheaters can genuinely regret their infidelity. They can become so overwhmed with guilt that they are deeply sorry , and their conscience affects them so much that they feel such remorse.

    In all honestly though I'd never date a guy who'd cheated in previous relationships , and I'd never stay with a guy who cheated on me. Once a person cheats then that will always be their potentional

    I value loyalty and betrayal is so painful, so I'd never give my trust to a person who has cheated. Cheating has nothing to do with how much someone loves you. A persons character determines if they'll cheat or not. Those who lack willpower and can't gain self- control over their desires and emotions are the ones who cheat... if given the opportunity. If circumstances permitted or issues arose within the relationship then there's more of a chance that person will cheat again, they may not , but I'd never take that leap of faith with a cheater... regardless of how remorseful they were

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  • They regret cheating because theyve lost themselves a good guy/girl. It happens a lot.

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  • It doesn't matter if they regret it or not. They've just proved what kind of person they are, what they're willing to do, their values and how much love and respect they've got for whoever they cheated on. They can regret it all they want, but what is done is done.
    Some people will cheat given any opportunity, some would cheat once, some would never cheat, everybody is different. What people do is part of who they are, and that's all their is to know sometimes.

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  • Because they don't.

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