Why do guys always end up seeing me as a "causal encounter" or some "no-strings hookup" kind of person?

Like this seems to happen to me all the time with men from online and in person. 😕 Please help I need advice.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • sorry, but it's cause you let them :-/
    alota dood are not very considerate of these things, and alota the rest are but take advantage of it..
    it's hard for me to give any advice since i'm one of the weird doods that doesn't have a very aggressive sex drive making companionship of much greater relative value. so i don't really do hunting for random sex, and most of my relationships have just sorta happened situationally so i don't get how hunting for random relationships works. and thus have no idea how one would tell the difference :-/
    but my guess would be that the majority of random encounters would be with the goal of random sex.

    well that wasn't much use, i hope someone else can be :-)

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Most Helpful Girl

  • i understand what you are saying, but i don't know why either. i just said the same to my girlfriend. she said a guy friend asked her to hang out but to go to his place to watch a movie.. hint hint..

    i have always met guys who are more reserve and thats how i like it. my college boyfriend once told me i am that type that guys want to date, settle down and married to. all the guys have been with all ended up wanting serious relationship with me.

    i m not sure how to respond to you, but maybe i give off that sense of confident that lose guys don't come play around with me. don't know..

    don't know how you look, how your carry yourself, how you dress.. i think all these matters

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What Guys Said 18

  • Aren't most guys looking for that, and approach most women on that basis? Why do you think o are unique?

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    • 3mo

      I can't tell if you're trying to give me advice or insulting me.

    • 3mo

      Sorry I didn't mean to insult you. I was use saying that a lot of guys approach MOSTwomen on that basis, not just you! There's nothing about you that leads them on or anything like that.

      AGain, I'm sorry if you had the impression I was insulting you. Quite the opposite..

    • 3mo

      It's okay I understand now that you explained

  • Most guys I talk to and have the friends with benefits (friends with benefits) type of aspect in mind are either 1 a 'playa' and see every woman like that, or two they see a girl that literally talks and thinks like them. They speak their mind without hesitation and are not afraid of confrontation, and most girls play games and tease, choosing wording very carefully and etc. Making it difficult for the guy to understand them and etc, so the guy sees a girl like that and think they'd be more accepting of that type of thing? Not sure on your personality though, this is just from what I've seen.

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  • To most guys, you are a casual encounter. That's life. Most of the guys you meet just won't be that into you. If you enjoy these casual encounters, that's fine assuming you are taking the usual precautions. If not, then don't. Having sex with guys you have just met won't make them stick around longer.

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  • No one can tell you for certain, but here is an important life-lesson: If things happen once or twice in your life, it can be a coincidence. If the pattern keeps repeating, then it is something YOU do that makes that pattern come up again and again and again.

    Maybe you choose the wrong guys? Maybe you become too sexual too fast? Maybe you seem weak-willed so easier to manipulate into sex? etcetc

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    • 3mo

      Lol I'm like the least sexual person I know. I am the potato friend of the group. Most of the guys I talk to in person know who I am through mutual friends plus we are friends ourselves. I just don't get it like I haven't exerted any sexual behaviour around them at all. Plus i think I'm pretty strong willed if I've survived 19 years as a virgin.

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    • 3mo

      Yeah I know sorry if it seems like I'm being mean I don't mean to come off like that. But yeah i get what you're saying but I'm serious I exert like no sexual appeal what so ever. 😂

    • 3mo

      Maybe ask your friends including your guy-friends about it if you do anything that can be perceived as either being sexual, flirty and/or easy.

  • Here's the harsh reality to it. You need to have more to offer than just sex.

    Specifically, you need to have something to offer MEN that MEN WANTS.

    So my advice to you is to quit all romance novels, romcom movies and asking women for advice on men for a whole year. Just cut that shit out cold turkey. If you want advice on men, just go and ask a man. Start with your father/brother/uncles/grandfather.

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  • Could be a plethora of different things... The say you dress, speak, walk. Do you make sexually explicit jokes early on in the relationship? Do you send nudes early on? Then again if they're aren't willing to stay with you they're probably not for you or your type. Attraction and real compatibility is complicated...

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  • At your age most guys are probably just hoping that's what you'll be like. It's not necessarily that you're doing anything wrong or giving off a certain vibe... especially if you're still a virgin.

    If the think that about you, simply don't talk to them and focus your energies elsewhere.

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    • 3mo

      But like I feel alone and want some intimacy in my life.

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    • 3mo

      I like you're look on things. You're very mature about it you've given me a lot to think about. Thanks ☺️

    • 3mo

      You're very welcome.

  • 1) You're not attractive physically to commit to.
    2) you're not attractive personality-wise to commit to.
    3) you've got little going for you.

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  • Because that's just how a good bit of guys are. There could be so many reasons for them viewing you that way, could be the way you dress or could be the way you act. Why don't you try to initiate something yourself? Like a date?

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  • it could be the website your on it might be connected to other sites, plus guys are always desperate, and they assume girls are too on those sites.

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  • Ever thought all those guys may be pigs

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  • Honestly, If a guy tries to flirt with you in a club, bar, restaurant etc. It's just a casual encounter (speaking from experience), to have a relationship you should already have a connection (friends or friends of friends). That's how it goes for me at least

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  • Because you allow it to happen.

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  • try and weed out the asshats

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  • your vibes maybe

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  • Because you let them.

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  • That usually happens to really hot girls, in which guys just want to bang

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  • Because this is what happens when more and more people have casual sex..

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What Girls Said 6

  • I think maybe you should tell them when you start talking about which way you'd want this talking to go and if you are open to having casual encounters or not. That way your pool of men would become more refined with men that actually take interest in having a relationship with you.

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  • I think it depends on the dating site. But not entirely. It is more common for people to often have casual sex and they're just hoping you'll change your mind. Just take it as they are making it easier for you to stop wasting your time with them. Don't change who you are

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  • You need to make yourself clear. Tell them flat out that isn't who you are.

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    • 3mo

      I make it known that I'm not looking for some casual fling in person and online and then it's like I don't even exist lol.

  • Maybe it's best to not do any sexual acts until you've been dating for a while. If the guy sticks around then he's clearly interested in more than your vagina.

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  • Do you actually hook up with them?

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  • Honestly you probably put out too fast

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    • 3mo

      Honestly I'm a virgin and you don't know what your talking about

    • 3mo

      No strings hook up would be considered sex to most people. Do you do other stuff with them fast?

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