How long should I wait before I start dating again (after the break up)?

I need some time alone and to think about what I need differently in a new relationship. I finally broke up with my boyfriend, yesterday. We were together for about 8 months. My other relationships were for a few months. It was the longest relationship I ever had! I don't want to get back with him, ever again because we are not compatible with the important stuff :( !! I wasn't happy anymore. I don't know why he was okay with everything and said he was relieved when we broke up... but it was the most peaceful break up, ever!!

I don't know exactly how I should get back into the dating scene? I'm setting boundaries and don't want to have sex with anyone unless I get serious with them!! :) How can I let guys know I am not into sleeping around and just want a date or real relationship? How can I only have them get to second base without pressuring me, when I am uncomfortable to go further so soon? I have more respect than I used to... and I feel this past relationship changed me for the better!!! I finally equate sex with love and trust!!

I just feel so unsure of how long I should wait to find someone new, because my past relationship was long, at least for me. Luckily I will be at college for one more year and a half =) !! Plenty of guys live or go here!! HELP!!


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Most Helpful Guy

  • There is no specific amount of time you should wait before you start dating again, it's different for EVERYONE and it's different for every relationship as well, if you didn't feel connected to him at all then you don't have as much to mourn over. "How can I let guys know I am not into sleeping around and just want a date or real relationship?" Tell them. Tell them you don't want to sleep with them unless you can tell or feel that they and you are a good match and you're both serious. "How can I only have them get to second base without pressuring me, when I am uncomfortable to go further so soon?" If they are making you uncomfortable then tell them, and if they continue to pressure after that then they don't care about how uncomfortable you are or how happy/trusting you are, just make sure you talk to them about it and have an actual discussion, not just grab there hand and push them away saying "not yet" actually talk about it with them.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • You should wait till you get over them. If you start dating or being in a relationship while you're still thinking about your ex, then odds are that you will probably end up using the other person as a way to get over your ex.

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    • So maybe wait 2 FULL months? It was an 8 month relationship. My Dad always says it takes 1 week to get over them per every month you were with them :) I have been envisioning myself with another (made up) guy... just to stop me from thinking about those good memories :'( :)

What Guys Said 10

  • Well I think you should probably do what is comfortable. It might be wise to wait a little bit give yourself time to soak everything in and see what you have learned. Look for a guy that fits your personality, some one who is a good guy. Take it slow and see how things work, don't just try to get into a relationship that's how you end up choosing the wrong guy for you because you become fixated on being in a relationship rather then who your having a relationship with. Also it helps to not follow your impulses. Some times your gut can be wrong so it might help to think about it and weigh their traits against what you want/don't want that way you don't make the same mistake again by getting that guy who may be good but has a lot of incompatable traits.

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  • It depends. The quick rebound can help, because it reminds you that you're still attractive and desirable. However, rebounds often don't last because you're not emotionally ready for another commitment yet.

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    • Plus... having sex with another guy at this point makes me feel physically ill. This relationship changed me. I used to kinda do the hookup thing... but now I equate sex and love because of this relationship. I could never go back to that!!

      I like BDSM and ex my boyfriend didn't, but that wasn't the only thing wrong. We didn't have the same interests. All we really could agree on was TV. I am very artistic and he played guitar... but even so, we didn't show each other what we could do. He was smart and attractive, but I didn't feel that spark or connection anymore. I just felt bored and unfulfilled. He didn't seem to be too interested... and I lost interest in him. He also rarely called and didn't try to see me more than 2x a week. We only had sex 2x a month, yet we were 20 minutes away from each other!! Though, we did love each other for awhile. I just want to find an actual Dom who is artistic, smart... but one who doesn't just want sex.

  • dont wait. start now! you can feel better with someone who is better after the last asshole who dumped you!

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  • Whenever you're ready! If you want to go on a date tomorrow, then go. If you feel like waiting a month or so is the best... Then hold off for a little bit. It's all about when YOU feel comfortable. For me, it took about a month... But everyone's different!

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  • 3 years.

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  • When it feels right…

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  • Yeah uh huh, thats cool. good luck.

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  • Getting back out there is the best and quickest way to get over someone

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  • When you start feeling happy being single again

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What Girls Said 1

  • Right away! Don't wait

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