Have I ruined my chances at finding a healthy and happy relationship?

After some really rough situations with guys, I stopped searching for a relationship and began to casually hang out with guys. I'm 21 and had sex with eight people, and just had sex for the first time a year ago. At first I was having a great time knowing no one could hurt me and I was having fun. Now I'm feeling guilty and a little ashamed. I believe in keeping things 100% honest and if a potential guy does ask me about my sexual history I'm not going to lie, but I'm also scared he's going to judge me harshly for it. I'm just really nervous that I've possibly ruined my chance at a future relationship.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I don't think you have.

    Everyone has skeletons in their closet. The relationship has to grow, mature, and deepen before things like that come up. The important thing to remember is HOW you tell the story. And when.

    I think you should do is that when relationship history comes up, tell the prospective Prince Charming about your life before these "rough situations". Tell him about how you were a young and anxious teenager who was excited to have her first boyfriend, her first kiss, everything. Then tell him about what he did that made the situation "rough". Mention that you were resilient, that you didn't want to give up on guys and on love. You bounced back and met the next guy. Then talk about that "rough situation".

    Basically, help him to build some context. After you've set that up, tell him about the situation in which you threw in the towel.

    I also think you should consciously choose not to pursue any relationships at all for a while. Take a break from dating and relationships altogether. Don't even pursue anything casual. Take some time to re-evaluate yourself, what you want, why you want it, and to heal from everything. When Prince Charming comes along, talk about that as well. Talk about what you learned about yourself through all this. Tell him how you knew you were heading down the wrong path and that you wanted to straighten yourself out, to prepare yourself for a healthier, happier, and more mature bond.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Relax. The world is coming to an end. The sexual history is your business nobody else's. Remember that

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What Guys Said 3

  • You haven't ruined things.
    It is understandable and forgiveable given you just discovered sex. It's like discovering ice cream and you want to try all the flavors.

    Now that you have experience, you need to dial down the slut mode.

    Still be honest. If the guy can't handle your history, that's his problem.

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  • You may have with a few guys but certainly not with all of them.

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  • Sounds about right.

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What Girls Said 0

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