How do I stop obsessing over my boyfriend and big boobs?

[Anonymous]

Basically my boyfriend has never told me that he liked big boobs he has always said he doesn't mind and mine are just right however I can't stop worrying. I am a 34C and I feel like he would like more if he could and it bugs me all the time. For example his two ex's both had E cups! And then all his celebs he fancies have E cups and he even has a cartoon women as his lock screen with big boobs I just feel like I can't get away from it. He has also saved pictures of girls in the past with big boobs that I asked him to delete. Is he lying to me when he says he doesn't mind because he is adamant that he likes all sizes. I love him so much but I can't get over this insecurity? I know it's not about that and I've asked if he would like me to have bigger and he has said no it wouldn't suit me because I'm skinnier than his ex's but he still said he liked their boobs. I just understand how a guy can enjoy my boobs sexually when he fancies women with bigger boobs too! I wish he could only like my size and lower because then I would feel sexy :( I even worry looks at other women with big boobs.. It's ruining our relationship please help..

[StewieRH]

Why on earth was he saving pictures of other women big boobs or not, in the first place? That's just disrespectful.

If it's really bothering you that much about the boobs thing, have another talk to him about it and explain you feel insecure since his exes, the women he had pictures of and the cartoon woman on his screensaver all have big boobs. If he is a good boyfriend, he will be understanding, reassure you and get rid of that big-boobed woman screen saver and try to make you feel more appreciated like you deserve.

I can understand why you would be insecure about it - Mine are small and I was insecure about it a bit first going of with my boyfriend. He had an ex he always hated, and claims he even hated when they were going out (they only went out in the first place since she came on to him and he kinda thought "Should I? .. Shouldn't I?") I was confused why he had gone out with her in the first place, if he'd really always hated her, he told me it was just because she had big boobs.

He did assure me I was better though since he said she didn't have looks or smarts like I had, he also told me I was skinny whereas she was fat. In so many words he assured me he liked me more both looks and personality-wise. He said she didn't have all that, and that big boobs were the only thing she had going for her.

It still got to me a little bit though, even though when I'd said in the past I wanted bigger boobs, he told me I was fine as I was, because surely if he overlooked all the crappy things about his ex just because she had big boobs, that must mean he likes them big, right?

I eventually got over that though when I realised he genuinely didn't seem to mind mine being small and seemed to like them anyway. Also the fact he'd asked me out, not the other way round, how he admitted he liked me back when he was with her, cut of contact with her before we were even together and even when we were friends, would heavily imply he liked me better than his ex, how he says he wants to marry me when we're older and other stuff, helps keep me from being too distressed about that.

As I say, talk to your boyfriend about all this is making you feel, and if he is a good boyfriend, he should stop doing these things, and make more of an effort to make you feel loved and appreciated.

If he doesn't or responds in a mean way after you say this nicely to him, he is being disrespectful and not showing much love toward you and you many want to consider leaving him. Don't be with unloving-egotistical fool

[Asker]

What started off my insecurity was he had those pictures saved before me and then he kept them and then when I found out his ex's had big ones too it just automatically made me feel like he did have a think for big ones. I have spoken to him over and over about this and he has always reassured me etc and told me that he doesn't care what size and that mine are a nice size but it just won't sink in. I know this is silly but I hate the though that I'm not everything he would want in a girl. It also annoys me how everything to do with girls they always have big boobs like in the media etc and men are always saying how they like them bigger it just makes you feel really shit it's like us constantly saying that skinny penis' or small ones are bad which isn't true you know :/ I see why that would get to you about your boyfriend it's good you have overcome it as I do get how you would feel

[StewieRH]

It's not a nice feeling at all, and I hope you are able to overcome it too. If he had those pictures before you were going out, I suppose that's different though he should have deleted them when you started going out.

Tell him how you don't get about the cartoon girl with the big boobs on his laptop though, I mean it may sound silly, but I understand how that can be a contributing factor to you feeling like you are.

I suppose just keep telling him how you're feeling though also try to keep reassuring yourself since it may get a bit much if you are needing his reassurance all the time.

I suggest writing down things he has said and/or done which shows he doesn't care how big your boobs are, and things that he show he genuinely likes you, and look back on this when are feeling insecure.

[Asker]

Well tbh he had those pictures, he liked all the celebs with big boobs and his ex's have big boobs there all factors that make me feel insecure. It makes me sad because when I first dated him I couldn't of felt more confident I would wear lots of sexy underwear and felt great in the bedroom but now I've seen all this it's been a year a half later and I still can't move on :( when we have sex now I feel like my boobs aren't jiggling enough for him and when he holds them I just can't seem to get it out of my head and it makes me turn down sex because I feel like shit. I've told him and he reassures me but at the end of the day the only thing that would chbage it is his ex's had smaller boobs then they do and he liked other celebs etc I know that sounds silly but then I wouldn't feel like they had something I don't. And everything he says about them I take to heart or look into its driving me insane :/ it's probably comes from the fact I was always flat chested at school

[StewieRH]

He can't really help his exes having big boobs. He shouldn't be saying stuff you about that though, that's just wrong and insensitive to your feelings. Asking him to stop and tell him the seriousness of how it's affecting you

[Asker]

He's only really answered questions I have had. I think it's just a case of getting over it really :/ what would you say about him liking them less in the bedroom? Do you think he thinks about them being bigger

[StewieRH]

Only he would know the answer to that.

Besides, does he seem to like them/get turned on by them despite them being small? If so, I don't think you have anything to worry about.

[Zendrya]

he wouldn't be with you if he had a problem with it

[That-Guy]

Ouch, he has failed novice level women testing. @theccayon

I am a boob guy so let me shed some light on this. Try to think of this as percentages and this is just a ball park shallow scale to make a point in terms of his b00b Preferences:

A cup = -90%
B cup = 90%
C Cup = 100%
E ccup = 105%
Hentai ridic boob cartoonz: = 105.1%

There are diminishing returns on breast size. If you're in the ball park, you know what it's awesome pawsome.

Lets flip this around, i assume you like tall guys.. lets say he asked you "how tall do you like your guys?" and pretend you're an idiot guy so you ACTUALLY answer honestly and she say "6'4." He's actually 6'1 and he now takes offense to this and asks you to delete all of your friends on your facebook that is over 6'0.

Does this seem fair or logical? No right? you just want someone taller than you no? How much of a percentage does going from our pretend height preference does it matter?

[Asker]

He's never actually says he has a preference to me though, so did you get these percentages off what he does? I don't care for other men my boyfriend is my preference that's what infuriating. Is there not a chance that he dies like every size and the rest is a coincidence?

[That-Guy]

"so did you get these percentages off what he does?"
- these percentages are just for an example for the point i was trying to convey.

"I love him so much but I can't get over this insecurity?"
- You are in his ball park boob size, you have big boobs (in general)... so even if he's dated or even prefers bigger... it's got very little % changed on the matter.

Did the Height example resonate at all? You have a height preference right (most women's answer is "taller than me"). So maybe you want 6'3... but if a guy is 5'9... and lets say you're 5'6... is the height difference really matter? Not really right? You're boobs aren't that big of a deal since you fall within his prefeence range.

[Asker]

Ok I see what your saying, he has said to me once that he doesn't like size A and that my boobs are just right, he told me he wouldn't want them to be bigger on me. I guess maybe he does like them bigger but mine are always quite big so it doesn't matter to him? Is that what your saying. If that's the case then i know I shouldn't worry it's just annoying when you know that your not their ideal preference :/ it would just be amazing if he said he didn't like them and then I would feel better because everything in the media is all about bigger boobs too it's so stupid :/ I see what your saying with the height fact, I do like taller guys but I guess he doesn't have that issue because he is tall in general but no if a guy was shorter I wouldn't mind I guess. I just feel like boobs mean more to men, I've always not cared what a guy looks like tbh whereas men are more visual creatures

[That-Guy]

@ Height: Yay! It made sense! Exactly... so yea maybe you'd like him Taller but in the end... he's fine. It's the same with your boobs and it's good that you got upset and more importantly, you expressed this to him. This is a lesson all men have learned at one point in their lives.
Women: "hey what color hair do you prefer on women."
Answer: Whatever her hair color is, that's the only correct answer.

"whereas men are more visual creatures " Yes we are however... we're on a point scale. Women need 50 Points for men to be attracted to them, each guy is different so here's an example:

- Being born a women: 49 points.
- two eyeballs: 50 Points.

See? not too hard to get a man to find you attractive.
Jokes!

I don't really know anything about the insecurities on a women's body since i can never really know that pressure but i can tell you that in your situation.. 34 C bro? That's a great boob size and millions of women out there would give up an eyeball to have that.

[Asker]

Okay thankyou for your comment it's helped :-) I know earlier you said that you were just giving examples but generally from what I've told you do you think he does like bigger boobs then? Even though he says he doesn't? Just wondered :) what you have said has made sense because I think he said to me in the past yours are enough for me and he said he likes all sizes but mine suit my body so he is happy with them

[Asker]

I forgot to mention as well we had a bad argument once and when he walked past me he accidentally hit my boob and I said 'you hit my boob' and he said 'so there's hardly anything to hit anyway' after I asked if he meant that and he said well your boobs are medium there not exactly massive so not loads to hit but no I didn't mean it. But still that hurt my feelings because I felt he was saying I basically had nothing there. Did he say that just to hurt my feelings? As he knows I'm insecure about it or do you reckon it was his real feelings coming out? :/

[Asker]

As well sorry! Would this mean he probably preferred his ex's boobs to mine

[That-Guy]

" 'so there's hardly anything to hit anyway'"
- this is not okay for him to say even in the heat of the moment. I hope you let him know how much that hurt you.

"Would this mean he probably preferred his ex's boobs to mine "
Here's the thing.. regardless of what he prefers, what can you do about it? nothing, why not focus your energy on things you can change or improve on? Why dwell or worry about crap that has no remedy. Here;s how you should see it.

- he's happy with your boobs ---> great.
- He's not happy and it's a deal breaker ----> move on.

He says he's happy with your boobs, okay! done. nothing else to do or discuss... in this case it is black and white because what can you do about it anyways?

[Asker]

Yeah I told him how much it hurt my feelings and he said he definitely didn't mean anything by it and apologised a lot. I guess he was just trying to say something to get to me as he knows that's what I worry about maybe?
Well once when I was drunk I asked if he preferred his ex's to mine (don't judge) haha and he said no way! He said he liked them both the same as he didn't want to put hers down and even though he did Like hers he likes mine just the same?
Tbh I know I shouldn't be worrying about this and you are completely right there's nothing I can change. Also my boyfriend has reassured me loads and told me they are perfect and he wouldn't change them for anything etc so I know there is nothing to worry about as he is happy with them. I guess when you are insecure about a certain body part it doesn't help when your partner does things to make that insecurity bigger :/
The thing is he used to say to me he wouldn't like bigger than an E because they would sag etc So I dunno

[Asker]

Thanks for replying I know I'm going on a bit xx

[Sojex]

You're ruining the relationship, not him. He's said several time that he likes your boobs so stop stressing

[Asker]

But how am I supposed to believe him if he likes everything that's different to me?

[Sojex]

He's with you, right? So that means he likes you! Every guy have their own little preferences but when you click with someone, those preferences stop mattering so much. So yeah, maybe he like huge boobs but he apparently likes you more

[Asker]

He's never outright told me likes bigger boobs he always says he doesn't have a preference. Why doesn't he just be honest with me? If everything shows he dies :/ I just feel shit about it. It's making me not want to get naked with him, what makes bigger boobs so much more attractive anyway :/

[Sojex]

I just believe you're being overly critical of yourself and over thinking his supposed preferences

[Asker]

Yeah your right it's just a case of me stopping and that's the hard part because apart from my worrying we make a great couple and we are moving out soon