Recently, almost every guy I went on a date with, would give me a weird look when I tell him that I don't want to fool around and that I'm looking for a real thing. They tell me I'm way too serious and then they try to convince me to "go with the flow". They chicken out and they never call me again. Why is it these days that people are just looking for hook ups and sex buddies, and if you mention being serious after the first date, they think you're weird or old school. Yesterday, my date asked me how do I know if I want a relationship if I didn't even got to know someone yet. I told him that I just know what I want and what I don't want, meaning that I'm totally fine with just getting to know each other and hooking up, but only if it has a potential to lead somewhere. I don't want to waste my time with someone who wants to fuck around. I've been there done that. Then he said that I just want an idea of a relationship, that that means that any guy would do basically, that I just want to settle. I tried my best to explain how that's not true, but it didn't matter, he didn't called me back. I also didn't want to have sex with him on a first date, so I guess he gave up? I'm confused why is this happening so often in late 20's, 30's, ffs we are not teenagers anymore...
Most Helpful Guy
I don't think there is any problems with knowing what you want, I think it is great actually! I don't know how I would respond to such a forward approach though. Even if I am looking for serious dating, I like the initial steps of dating, and I think saying something like that basically says, 'lets cut the shit and get straight to the point'. It just... feels a bit unnatural and unromantic. Some of my best relationships just happened naturally.
And even if I am head over heels after the first date, I still prefer a month or a few dates to become exclusive. I need time to really get to know someone before I make the choice.
I think it is great that you know what you like in someone, and know what form of dating you want! I do agree with these guys though that you should dial it down a notch. It can feel like you are rushing past all the early dating goodness just to get on with a relationship instead of just letting it happen. And it relationships are intense! I am all for that too! I just don't want to be hit with it like a wall on the first date, I'd much rather naturally move in that way.0