How do I know what pace to move at for dating?

So I'm a virgin at 26. For various reasons, I had terrible social anxiety and shyness for a long time and missed a lot of opportunities for dating when I was younger. I'm not waiting for the right person or anything like that. I've just never had a girlfriend, which baffles a lot of girls and my friends. I made a lot of progress this last year building my confidence. I'm still too anxious to cold approach girls in bars, but I've had a bit of success from online dating. I managed to get 5-6 dates from online sites and apps this past year which is amazing since I never dated before this year. I always get a 2nd date and go on at about 2 - 4 dates, so I know I'm doing somewhat okay.

Even though I'm an introvert, I'm great at conversation. I'm nervous about what to do after that. I usually don't kiss a girl until the 3rd date. I don't know how to read a girl's body language or tell if she's into me. I'm not sure how to initiate touching and flirting either. I've read a lot about how people are already hooking up by the 3rd-6th date, and even the 1st or 2nd date. Is this normal for someone my age? I didn't realize it was so common to hook up so soon. My dates have been at restaurants, beach, bowling, bars, rock climbing, mini-golf, bike rides. Should I be inviting girls back to my place after dates to escalate things?

I did make a move on 1 girl on the 4th date. We were at a house party and crashed in the guest bedroom. We were pretty drunk (I think I was way drunker) and ended up making out heavily. She said she liked me, and I started to pressure her to hook up, but she said no. We ended up cuddling instead. The next day, she said she just got out of a relationship, and she realized that she wasn't ready to date, but she wanted to stay friends. (We lost touch after a month) Was I too forward there, or do you think she realized she wasn't into me?

How do I figure out how fast to move in dating?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I think, it depends on you and what you're comfortable with. You don't have to hook up with someone, until you're ready to, and both parties want to. Some people take the 3rd date as a sign to get intimate, while others have been on 10 dates and still haven't yet. It's a personal preference, and of course you have to learn enough about that person to read their body language and see if they are into taking that step with you after the date.
    Personally I prefer when guys don't ask me back to their place after say the 3d / 4th date. As I'm just getting to know you, and I find it off putting that the guy is already thinking about getting me in bed. Which will come in time, but I believe in gaining a connection with someone first and foremost.

    As for the body language, some girls are easier to read than others. Chances are if the girl is touching your arm, or grazing her body close to yours to pass by you (even if there's a lot of room around), and when she does anything to be close to you, stares into your eyes when you're talking, keeping eye contact for longer, etc. Those are all good signs she is into you.
    For you, try little things like touching a girls hand or her shoulder, touch her back when you step close to her, or if you're passing by her. If she has her hand on the table at a dinner date lightly touch it and say something nice to her, or give her a compliment, even thank her for the date. Small, simple gestures that allow body contact are great for initiating flirting and physical contact with her.

    It sounds like you're doing pretty well with these online dates. I don't believe you were too forward with that girl, she just got out of a relationship and jumped on the band wagon again, which probably caught up to her as she's not ready for it.

    I think you just have to come across that right girl who's into you and is wanting something long term. You will learn to read the date better, the more you get to know her personality, what she's like, what she's after, etc. I've noticed many people online are on those sites for hook ups, but figure out your date and have faith in yourself. You seem to be doing everything right so far. :)

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What Girls Said 0

The only opinion from girls was selected the Most Helpful Opinion!

What Guys Said 1

  • If you say the stupidest thing and they laugh, then you're in. Or if a girl chuckles at something you say, it's more than likely she finds you appealing. If you can make a girl laugh, you can get her into bed. If it's hooking up, then just be sexual and yourself. If a relationship, just be yourself.

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