How do you cut off a guy in a non cruel/ game playing way?

im in a long distance relationship, for the most part things are good. my guy recently starting saying he would call me and then doesn't. which is not an issue for me that i dont get to speak to him but it is an issue that he can't be bothered to let me know he's busy or whatever. he had a incident that really freaked him out and incidentally had me all freaked out too. he was finding out about the full issue later that night and assured me he would let me know as soon as he knew so that i wouldn't worry. we got off the phone and i sent him a really sweet encouraging message saying he will be fine and im here for him. he didn't let me know what the issue was nor did he bother replying to my message. i told i would call him the next day after work so i did and he didn't answer, which is fine because i knew he call back when he is not busy. he didn't call back. i even had a really important interview that day which he knew about and still didn't call to find out if it went ok. he called me the next day and i missed the call, he called a second time and i missed that one too. he then called a third time and i answered, we spoke for a bit and i said oh i tried calling you yesterday, and he said oh yes i saw that, i had a sleep and when i woke up i called my best bud and then i called my mom and then i went back to sleep and when i woke up it was too late to call you. that really hurt me. he blatantly admitted to ignoring my call. i didn't freak out at him i just said oh ok... and then told him i needed to go to do something. he called the next day but ignored the call, the thing is im so hurt i dont want to talk to him but i also feel bad for ignoring him. i dont know what to do, i dont want to tell him how i feel because i dont want to be the nagger and whether or not he actually cares how i feel im not sure. im tired of the up and downs with him, do you think he deserves an explanation for being ignored? afterall he gave me no explanation and he's ignored me more than once.


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What Guys Said 1

  • Whatever you do, don't just fall off the face of the earth. You owe him an explanation.

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    • 3mo

      thank you, i guess i do. i just wanted some time to calm down and get a hold of my emotions before i do talk to him. im thinking i need to tell him that i do love him but if he wants things to carry on the way they are then i have to walk away.

    • Show All
    • 3mo

      I had a LDR (but close enough we got to see each other a couple times a month) and I loved the girl very much. We broke up but stayed friends and I thought everything was going well for the months that we were just friends. I knew she would go out with someone eventually I knew she'd move on and all I asked from her is that she doesn't hide it from me.

      she slowly stopped talking to me and even though she was hiding it, I could tell there was this other guy winning her over. Her leaving me as a girlfriend didn't hurt so much. It was the fact that after everything we've been through together all the great times added up to something that she could just walk away from without saying goodbye. Made me feel like the only person who really meant anything at all to me never really cared.

      It's ok if you cry, it's fine if you tell him you love him and hurt his feelings. Just be honest tell him you love him and it hurts you to do it but the relationship isn't working out.

    • 3mo

      even if your reasoning is harsh, there's nothing more cruel than just leaving without any explanation.

What Girls Said 1

  • Ask yourself whether you two are actually in love or not. If not, then there's not much point to the relationship. If yes, it's possible that there are some issues in his life and he prefers sharing that with his friend/mom rather than you. Maybe you guys aren't close enough yet. Or maybe he doesn't want to stress you by adding his problems to yours.

    The point is, you need to talk to him about this openly. Ask him questions like- "I don't ask for constant communication, but I do expect that you will contact me if you see a missed call. Why did you ignore my call then?" OR "I don't always expect to be first priority in your life, but why did you give preference to your friend/mom over me? Was there something bothering you which you wanted to share with them? Why don't you tell me, maybe I could help?

    If he doesn't have any issues in life, then maybe he just doesn't realise that there are certain rules to communication in a relationship. Try talking to him about it. Tell him that such behaviour makes it look as though he doesn't care about you or your feelings and that that is unacceptable.

    If that doesn't work either, then he's an asshole who doesn't care about you.

    I have been in the same position as you before. My guy had some serious problems in life so he neglected me for a while, but they were not as serious as he made them out to be. I always held myself back because I didn't want to nag. But eventually when I got sick of it, I made it clear to him that I will support him in everything, but he has to give me priority and treat me right and reply to my texts ALWAYS. We're in a much better place now. So, try my advice. Trust him enough to talk to him about your feelings. Good luck!

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    • 3mo

      thank you for the advice, you made a lot of sense! I think il wait for him to contact me again, and just explain why i did what i did. it gets confusing because he won't reply to my texts or return my calls but then will call me the next day until i answer. i always find myself asking why he doesn't put the effort in to respond when i reach out but then will call me until i answer. whats the deal with that... is it maybe because he only wants to talk to me when he wants to?

    • 3mo

      Omg. I have been through the exact same thing as you. Stop initiating all contact for a while. And start making him realise that it's always him who's initiating. And if he still doesn't realise that something is wrong. You will need to be clear with him. And tell him that it'll lead to trust issues eventually.

    • 3mo

      yea, thats exactly what im going to do. il wait for him to call again and il answer and see what he says. thank you again for your help !

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