When is an appropriate time to move in with your boyfriend?

My boyfriend & I were talking yesterday & he told me that he wanted me to move in with me or that we can start looking for a place together but we've only been dating for like a month. I told him I would think about it. I really want to but people keep telling me it's too soon & at the same time I know it's true. So, help! >,<


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Way too soon. Your still in the honeymoon phase of your relationship and really don't know him. Yes I know your gonna say we've talked a lot yadda yadda but you only see that good that early in a relationship. You should give it a lot more time like when your actually care for him and it's not puppy love.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Relationships tend to work such that you get six months of 'romance and roses' where love is all eros and sexual and yummy, then after 6 months, (the theory goes) the bloom wears off, and you start to see the person as they are - warts and all. At which point, you either head towards agape - real deep friendship - or become disillusioned and want to withdraw.

    After two months, he has only just become your boyfriend (and is quite possibly still that-guy-you're-dating). Not only do you not know each other that well yet, and might take some of the fun out of being together, but isn't it a bit clingy of him to want you to move in?

    living together is a huge commitment: tenancy agreement, joint financial arrangements (rent, bills, council tax). I don't think you should rush into that when you're blinkered by being newly in love. I've just asked my boyfriend and he says: "Well, you don't know someone after two months. You think you have a good idea of what they're like but you're still at the impressing stage."

    Not only that, but by moving in together you'll be fast-forwarding your relationship. At the moment you're dating, having fun, getting to know each other. When you move in together, you have to start having conversations about things like cleaning the loo. You won't have your own space any more, you'll both be there, together, every day. Do you really want to go straight to that stage after just two months?

    For your own peace of mind, give it at least 6 months, maybe 7 or 8. If you want to withdraw, you can do so without rehoming. Even if you spend a lot of time at his now, having your own place to go back to when you need some space, have an argument or just fancy a change is something you'll miss when you eventually do live together, so make the most of it now.

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What Guys Said 13

  • It depends a lot on how much pain you will feel if it doesn't work out. Also, if your goal is to be married sometime, then before moving in together you should have a notion of when you will get married. You don't want to be 30 and wondering if he's ever going to marry you.

    OTOH if you don't care about any of that, then go ahead and see what happens. Either it will work out or someone will move out.

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  • A *month*? Waaaaaaaay too soon. I moved in with my university girlfriend (I was 23 and she was 22) after a year together and that was too soon.

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  • When you both feel the time is right and are completely comfortable. No set in stone time period. Don't listen to others, listen to how you feel and what you think. If you have any doubts at all though don't do it. You need to be 100% for it.

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  • It depends more on his age. If he is like 30 or over, he probably wants to be sure that you are serious and will likely stay in the relationship long term.

    If he is around your age (21) then I don't know what to say. Guys I've known, when they were that age would never want their girlfriends to live with them.

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    • 3mo

      He's about to turn 26 & he's a single dad.

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    • 3mo

      Oh my, I wasn't going to comment here but then I read some of the other comments.

      You have known him for a month, he may be a magnificent specimen of a man and even a potential soulmate, but that doesn't mean you need to just dissolve your own independence and security. Spend a few nights with him or something, help out with his kids and such so he doesn't feel alone in it.

      I have been in relationships with women who never moved in after a year, we did just fine. Did I want her to move in, yep shoore did, but when the shit hit the fan and we split I was very relieved that she had more common sense than myself back then.

      On the flip side of that, I have dated women who moved in the very next night after the first date. Hell often they were in a rock and a hard place and completely dependent at this point due to a bad relationship and just deciding they had to move at all costs, so here comes Sally moving back in with Mommy. It happens, but it doesn't have to.

    • 3mo

      @Syvient Hahaha you're good! & I have spent the night, he's really respectful & mature about everything. & we both have been living on our own since a young age & all alone supporting our kids (I don't really have kids, I've been my sister's guardian for a long time now.) & to be honest this is a good change. The last boyfriend I had passed away two years ago & I haven't dated since & all of a sudden this guy shows up & he's amazing. I just think that it's destiny.

  • No matter how great we are, how great things are. I would not move in with anyone until we're together at least a year. So I'd wait at least 8-9 months before moving in.

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  • I probably wouldn't until at least six months of dating.

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  • Way too soon.

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  • A month is way too soon

    I personally am not into co-habitation. Sleepovers are a different story.

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  • How long do you know each other.

    You can't really know a person in 1 month and living together is actually a huge deal.

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  • A MONTH! yeah, that's too damn soon. From personal experience only move in once you're engaged.

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  • People can change so quickly. Don't do it yet.

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  • I would wait a while
    you're going to movie in then break up and move right out
    No offesne

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  • Although everyone is different, and I don't know you at all, my instinct is that this is way too soon. If things start to go bad your situation will be way, way WAY worse after moving in together. 1 month is basically nothing. I'd also suggest that if you're hesitant about it, that's really more of a "no". I wouldn't move in with someone unless I were extremely excited by the idea and was relatively sure we were going to stay together for the long haul.

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    • 3mo

      I'm sure we're in this for the long haul, he told me I can bring my sister with me but my sister doesn't want to if she doesn't really know him. They met only once & just for a second. He has two jobs so he's pretty busy. When he asked me I started looking for apartments very quickly because I really want this.

    • 3mo

      Well I'd say that after one month you really can't be sure that you're in it for the long haul :) But again, that's just me!

    • 3mo

      True. You got me there. I just know I plan on being with him for a long time & he's told me the same thing.

What Girls Said 5

  • You are Wise beyond your Years here, Dear... Way too soon is right.
    Continue to Nurse and Nurture Something Special before you Take that Big Plunge... You never Really know Someone though until you Live with them, so Begin your own Beguine of Accomplishing the Biggest Baby step First and that is learning to Put up with One another First.
    If all is Working out like Fine Wine in a Few Months, I would Say, give this some though as To... What Day.
    For now, do not Let him Pressure you if you are not Ready Nor Raring for Sharing.
    Good luck. xx

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    • 3mo

      First of all thanks for that! :)
      & yes I know, he just knows how much I'm struggling right now & I know his intentions are good. & he's not pressuring me at all. He just suggested it. But thank you so much! :)

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    • 3mo

      You're right! You're absolutely right! Thank you so much!

    • 3mo

      You are so welcome, hun. xxoo

  • I moved in with my boyfriend after roughly three years of dating but we don't live alone and also I'd known him since we were 11 so I felt really comfortable doing it.

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    • 3mo

      Ok, so it's too soon isn't it?

    • 3mo

      For me, yes, it is. Especially seeing as I read your comment that he's a single father? I think that as a single father, the comfort and stability for your child is the number one priority. You've only been together for a month and it might be going really well but I don't think that it's enough time to judge a relationship yet, y'know? Especially when there's a child involved. If you found out you weren't as compatible as you first thought, for example, that's a lot of disturbance for the child. I would recommend waiting for a while before you take that step and just get to know each other and enjoy your time together :)

    • 3mo

      You're a genius! Thank you! You're absolutely right!

  • I moved in with my boyfriend a month maybe less after we started dating. If you think it's the right time don't let other people tell you it's mot. It's your relationship.

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  • Yeah it's too soon. If he can't respect that you want to wait then he has issues

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    • 3mo

      Well, I'm not really sure that I want to wait. The only one uncomfortable with this situation is my sister. He will respect my decision even if my answer were to be no.

  • Well Thats the best way to honestly get to know em best

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