Should I be fighting to make the relationship work or is it not worth it?

Basically my boyfriend (27) me (21) have been together for 3 years, lately we have been getting money together to move out. However for our whole relationship we have always fallen out etc, 1 year in I found a sexual folder belonging to him in which he said was before he got with me, I got over it and forgave him but since then have been insecure and unable to trust him. He doesn't respect me now like he used to as he believes I always bring up unnecessary arguments. When we argue he can say the meanest things like I'm a c word and why can't I be as laid back as other people etc he always apologies afterwards. The kind of topics I will argue with him over include: him looking at other girls, how he feels about me, crude jokes he can make and how I'm jealous sometimes of other women. He has told me if I stop worrying about stupid things he would respect me more and wouldn't say mean things as he is sick of arguments and that is why he doesn't care as much now. Last night he said he couldn't be with me and said he wants to fuck other women and then apologised. I just don't know what to do as I am hurt and I would just like him to listen to me and understand why I am insecure etc but he hates discussions and doesn't understand why I worry about certain things? Am I in the wrong should I be stopping worrying about these things and try and be happy or is he just not right for me? If he wants to end it should I try and show him that I can be happy with him? When we are happy it's amazing and he is lovely to me and compliments me a lot. Please help!


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Most Helpful Guy

  • he is not right for you. you are not right for him.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • U need someone in ur life who understands u
    .. tomorrow when ull ve major problems u won't sit down n talk rather ull just leave them alone n then when u can't take it anymore ull explode... I would advise u to leave him... it's ok to not be with the person we love... we can love again... but look at urself 10 years from now do u want to be with a guy who tells u that he wants to fuck other women n he doesn't understand u... someone who isn't there for u when u r sad... when u r happy of course everything will be good but what about those sad days... that's when he should be there the most... this apologising later thing could get worse... he literally goes n has sex with another woman n then says sorry to u... is that a medicine no! If he can't understand these small things about u then I don't think that he will understand deeper things about u... u need urself to be happy not a guy... i know it's easier said than done when it's someone we really love... he is too old to be behaving this way so sweet I suggest break up n move on... hopefully ull find someone better... it's the only way to help urself... think about this same scenario like 10 years from now when u r married n ve kids... if this is not what u want then leave him now... it will be easier on u... don't ve regrets... if u really wanna give it one more shot then sit down with him n talk about it if he won't listen now then j don't think that he will ever listen... best of luck :)

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What Guys Said 1

  • not worth it in m opinion. I don't think you are attractive enough for him

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    • 3mo

      It's not about attraction, even when he is shouting at me he still says I am the most gorgeous girl in the world he just doesn't like my personality sometimes he says :/

What Girls Said 3

  • I was in a relationship like that from 18-20 and I found the pics of other women in his received files, I nearly walked out but he gave me a huge excuse etc and i let it go. Then there was the constant eyeballing of any other woman, especially blonde, that was around any time we went anywhere. In the end, he left me for his 'she's just a friend and has a boyfriend' and I found out that he'd cheated on me with at least 10 girls (He had to think for a while when I asked how many!)

    Get out now, run. He's telling you he wants to see other women, mine did that too. Listen to him and take care of yourself hun. There will absolutely 100% be a guy who will not make you feel this way. You're so young, and look I know that sounds annoying (everyone said it to me then too, as it ended when i was about to be 21) but it's true. You do not have to feel this way and you dont have to settle for it. it's far far better to be brave and break away and yes spend some time alone to re build yourself and get more confident etc, but in time you'll feel much better than this constant feeling of anxiety over it and you will find better. Have faith and good luck xx

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  • Why force it? Love is suppose to be natural and you cannot force it. Sounds like you are trying your best to save this relationship but its so damaged that there could be no return. I think you'd be better off without someone like that.

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    • 3mo

      I guess I am trying to save it because I love him so much. And I worry that it has been my undoing because I worry too much about things :/ I don't know it's a tough one

    • 3mo

      I know you love him but its taking a toll on your self esteem and a man is suppose to make you feel like you're the most beautiful woman on earth, not the other way around.

  • I think you're worrying over quite small things. A 'sexual folder', I personally don't think is a big deal - guys look at porn and that's just that. As for getting jealous all the time - obviously he loves you because you've been together for 3 years so sometimes I think you may need to step back, look at the situation with a bit of perspective and wonder 'Is this really worth me getting upset or jealous about'.

    However, if he is not willing to discuss things and try to understand things from your view, then perhaps you are not right for each other.

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    • 3mo

      After our argument last night when he said he wanted to fuck other women, he said he just said that to be a dick and hurt my feelings he didn't mean it, should I try and move on? Or forget him? It's difficult because I know with certain things I have overreacted and that's why he doesn't care as much as he used too now.

    • 3mo

      Sounds like he just said that in the heat of the moment - but he's probably fed up of having to walk round egg shells around you. It's difficult for me to say because I don't know any of the things he's been saying which have upset you - you said crude jokes? And looking at other women? Do you mean this as just looking at them in the street or is there more to it?

    • 3mo

      I think he did but it still hurt my feelings, he's like that though when he gets upset or angry he lashed out with mean words and feels bad after I think that's his defends mechanism :/ a crude joke for example would be if I see him notice a girl (I don't mind him noticing) but if I think he's looked again I will slyly mention it and he'll say he wasn't looking and when I say just admit you were he does this thing where he goes 'oh yeah she had a fab ass' and does a hand grabbing :/ looking at them in the street, a lot of our arguments do stem from my insecurity and also his insensitivity :/ he jokes about things because he wants me to be laid back but I'm not laid back about things anymore because I'm on edge due to not knowing how he really feels. E. g I've always thought he likes big boobs so if he says to me jokingly 'your boobs are huge' I get annoyed because they aren't and I'm thinking he's taking the loss but he has reassured me he says they are big because they are big to him

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