Really Confused about my feelings?

I am really confused, my heart aches... My head hurts... My stomach feels sick... I have been like this for over a year... (I am 23 If It matters)

I am obsessed, infatuated, lusting, crushing, everything about a girl...

I was really shy when I met her ( At Work) and she was a super friendly girl... and I just fell in love...

She is my first love, I still see her everyday... I feel anxious, intimidated, rejected, hurt, panic when I see her, talk to her... or if someone tells me something about her...

I met her, I didn't even like her... but slowly after seeing her more, talking to her, and I thought she liked me... I kinda got into her...

I asked her out, I was rejected...(Not a clear no)

She still talked to me after, the same way... and invited me to a small party a few weeks later...

It is there I saw her boyfriend kiss and hug her... I was devastated...

I stopped talking to her, but she started going hard for my attention... calling, texting ( A lot! Like 30 in a row) and even started bad mouthing her boyfriend to me...

At the time I really didn't want to talk to her...

A few months later, I talked to her... I should have asked in person, but I was shy... I asked if she like me...

She said she we were only friends and never even ment to say anything that implied that...

So a few months after that... I realized she said we are friends, I saw and came up with so many reasons why it would never work... I realized she isn't who she seemed...

Finally I needed the last bit of closure, I talked to her... I indirectly asked about her boyfriend ( I thought they were getting married) and she tells me they were no longer together...

So we talked for a bit, started telling jokes... but I sent the last message and she didn't reply... As she fell asleep... but she didn't text back...

I really don't know, I love her. I know she doesn't want to date, I know we would make a horrible couple... But I love her... there is no other girl as good as her...

Updates:
3mo It's gotten really bad now... We just ignore each other... She might be wondering whats up with me? But has never really bothered to ask... maybe she feels weird after I asked if she like me...

I was on Facebook, and accidentally stumbled onto her page... I just felt a panic attack just looking at her picture...

I feel like no one understands or can help me...

It's just "move on" "man up" or just forget... But I really am struggling to do this... Is there anything that can help? :'(

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Distance yourself. She only rejected you at the time because she was taken and probably didn't want to risk dating someone at work (it may be against policy)

    So just realize that you weren't being rejected for you.

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    • 3mo

      But why didn't she ever tell me she had a boyfriend...

      I told her I was single, and she never mentioned him once... and it's not against policy to date at my work...

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    • 3mo

      No I don't think it was personally or else she'd have nipped it in the bud immediately

    • 3mo

      That is true... Maybe she did like me but didn't want to date because she didn't give me a clear answer... because of her boyfriend...

Most Helpful Guy

  • So you want a girl who doesn't want you, she just wants to hang on to you because you feed her ego. And you don't want to let go of the notion that there may be a small chance in heaven that she'll change her mind one day even though it'll never hsppen. That sum it up?
    Dude the more you are with her the more it will hurt YOU. Time to move on

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    • 3mo

      In reply to your second post - you have to WANT to move on in order to move on. You obviously like being this way. Until you decide you can't do this any longer and realize you are better off without her it won't get better. It's up to you no one can change it for you

    • 3mo

      I really need to stop feeding her ego...

    • 3mo

      Thanks for MH, and good luck

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