What is my ex trying to do? (Girls' advice please or guys)

Basically Dated a girl, on and off, for 18 months. She knew I was jealous of other men, but I wouldn't bluntly come out and say "I am jealous of so and so", I would say to her "I feel second right now to so and so." Which in turn is basically is saying I am jealous. Anyways then well we officially broke up and its been about 1.5 months now since we have broken up. This time we broke up, she said she didn't love me anymore, to not try and convince her to stay with me, that we didn't have enough time for each other, and that she wanted to be able to go dance with other men at clubs. So I didn't put up a fight to convince her to stay with me because if she felt that way, there would be nothing for me to fight for.

So weeks pass I don't talk to her that much, I only talked to her twice, once we talked for a bit, she said we should get coffee to talk about our relationship one last time, she never asked me for coffee(its been 4 weeks now). The next time we talked was when I found out she has a new boy friend, she complained to me and seemed bitter to me. I asked her can I call you to talk in person? or video chat? or meet up for coffee tomorrow? she said no to all of them and said it wouldn't be a good idea to. So she complained to me about how I have never been overly jealous of her hanging around with other men, and how I don't seem that jealous of her new boy friend, that I just don't bluntly say that I am jealous. Honestly I have accepted the fact that if this guy makes her happy, then I have nothing to be jealous about. So we talk a bit about our past like was I jealous of other guys, I say why is this important to know. She said "Its nice to have a boyfriend who will try and protect you from other men ... maybe every once and a while. Not to let another guy come in and take her away from you." I became dumbfounded, I can't believe what I am hearing. So the convo ends with me saying "so that's why you left me, its because I didn't try to keep you all to myself." She quickly left saying I don't want to say why I left you again, goodnight bye.

What the heck is this girl doing? Honestly I have been keeping focused on different things. But once I have some free time to sit down and think about life, I just don't get why or what she meant by saying that.

Any opinions are nice to have, just because this is just dumbfounded me.


Most Helpful Girl

  • First off you didn't do anything wrong. Showing jealously is a form of insecurity however, I see both sides to this. A woman wants to feel protected by her man and wants him to to be proud to stand up for her, much like you would from a female. But some people have a way they like to be loved. She sounds like she wanted to see all those insecurites come out of you, knowing someone for two years and not seeing that when you know they feel it can be frustrating. On that note, if she was going out with guy friends to the bar she at the same time is disrespecting you if you are not there with her and if her intentions weren't honest when she did go out. The reason why I meantion her intentions is because she is now in a new relationship so soon? From what you know of her do you think it was just the attention she liked about going out or was she going out with more girls than guys? Some people like to blame shift. You have to ask yourself this before you start asking questions about her. Do you think her intentions were honest? Would she react the same way if you did the same things to her?

    Now, I know may girls that want their man to behave a certain way so they feel more secure or they themselves are insecure and feed off of attention to boost their self esteem. Do I think this has anything to do with the man? Nope, it's call self esteem, it's a motherfu*kin esteem of yourself. Only you can change this in yourself and your lover is suppose to support or help you. If you think your ex did nothing to help you with your jealousy or insecurities, than maybe it's best to let this one go. You want someone who is gonna make your life easier not harder on you. That is what everyone deserves. If you feel that you don't want to let this one go, than don't be afraid to explain why you never showed jealously and have her understand why. If she can't understand why, than she didn't accept you as an individual and was just looking for anyone to love her the way she wanted to be loved and that's not your problem anymore.

    • I understand why she wanted me to be jealous, but I did become comfortable in the relationship, that I trusted her, that I knew that she loved me deeply, that I would allow her to have the choice of who she hung around with.

      Honestly she admits she knows the jealousy I felt every time she danced with a guy. But its who she is right now, she wants to go dance with other men(she said that when she broke up with me).

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    • I have to guess that you are right. The only thing which would make this hurt less would have been when she said "It would have been nice to have a boyfriend who protected me once and a while ... to keep other men from coming in and taking me away from him.". What do you say about her saying that? I have mixed emotions towards that.

    • Well you and I can go back and forth about this. Send me a private message so I can hear more about how you feel and have more typing space to give you better advice with all your concerns if you like... I'm here to help.


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What Girls Said 4

  • If I was at a club with my man and I went to dance with another man right in front of him and he did nothing ?!?!? I would think he didn't care for me. If I were to say I'm out with the guys tonight honey and he said have fun. I would thingk he didn't care for me. Being a little possessive of your girl is a good thing ! Seems by you not saying out right and honestly that your jelious of so and so made her think that you don't care. Also seems she may still care for you if she's talking to you while she has another boyfriend

    Just my opinion

    • I have to agree with you on one level, but she wanted to go dance with other men, she told me constantly that she wanted to do that and its who she is. She also complained that I shouldn't do cute stuff anymore because it showed how much I cared for her, and she felt like I was obsessed with her, and that she felt like a bad girlfriend for not returning them.

  • I don't know this girl personally or what happened in your relationship with her but sometimes you end things to see if what you ended has the deisre to get you back. Maybe since she's obviously been feeling htis, she's trying to get you jealous with this other man and just wants you to come back and prove yourself and that you do and always have been jealous and care. Because jealousy only means you care and want her all to yourself. So if you still have feelings and want her baack I suggest you speak to her telling her your perspective and point of view on the situiation. Unless, you want to continue being single or don't think its worth it anymore, then just tell her that its not worth it anymore.

    Best of luck!

  • She's crazy! Just leave her where she is! She is insecure and feels you showing jealousy would be showing your love for her and that's a insecure crazy person way of thinking. Trust me I know I was once her, but I grew up and one day she may too! Gud luck!

  • well , I don't know this girl . but it sounds like it would be best for you to move on . she's trying to tell you that times were good , but she's moved on so you should to . it may be hard , but in the long run , its for the best .

    i wish you the best of luck .


What Guys Said 4

  • She left you because you weren't a MAN in her eyes. Her current boyfriend is probably the same way, and is looking to come back to you and try to fix what was wrong to have the relationship she wants. You have the good qualities, but you have to show that you are a man in a lot of areas to keep a woman interested. Do yourself a favor and don't communicate with her anymore. It's just going to hurt you in the long run. Many women look at "what if" and not "as is", and it's by nature. Women want fantasy and reality to coexist 100% of the time. Now what you need to do is improve on yourself to show more man qualities. Women are attracted to control, money, confidence, power, aggression. Now you don't need to show them 100% of the time, but you need to constantly remind her that you have those qualities. A woman wants to make sure that you will protect her against everything else that's a threat, but be in charge of your own fate. A woman wants to know that if even Jesus himself talked down to her that you would step up, take charge, and be willing to protect her. It may sound a little crazy, but being a wuss and respecting her got you dunped in the first place.

    • I have to disagree with what you said about her other man. I think she is just happy with him, she just seems to want to be friends with me in the future and to let me adjust to her dating another guy so we don't talk about our relationship again. I now I have to improve myself and make myself appear like a man to other women by having a better body and stuff like that.

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    • She would come back because she just wants your attention, or to put you on the back burner. Let me say this, honest is only the best policy when the truth is appreciated. Women can't handle the truth, facts, or logic. Women like to play the victim even when things are their fault. Since she is talking with you and she has a boyfriend, she is playing the both of you and loving every minute of it... You have to move on and don't look back.

    • She has not talked to me in 3 weeks, and well she told me that we shouldn't talk for at least 2 - 3 months just to let us adjust to the change. Honestly she I know what you are saying, I need to protect my heart from being broken again. I know I can't be friends with her if my heart still has feelings for her.

  • YOu know what man...some girls don't know what they have infront of them until they finally loose it for good. I guess what I'm trying to tell you is that some people learn, and other people learn the hard way. You seem like a decent guy, and only time would tell what this cool guy would have in store for her. I really don't get girls, some guys offer them the entire universe in their hand, but at the end they leave you for no reason to dream on your own and all alone. Good luck with everything man...hope it gets better, but just remember believe in yourself no matter what, your better then that.

  • I think it's pretty straightforward, she feels like she didn't mean much to you since you never acted upon your jealousy. I would've probably confronted her with it while you guys were going out but it's too late now.

    She feels worthless because when she'd try and make you jealous, you wouldn't (or acted as if you didn't) care.

    Right now, she's just trying to make you want her again. Don't give into it, you were only trying your best to be a good boyfriend, but really, she's right about it feeling good when a guy gets a bit jealous. It makes a girl feel wanted.

    • I went out of my way to see her at her school. We had a secrete relationship for a few months so I couldn't make her feel wanted all the time because we had to hide our emotions. I even told her that her actions where hurting me (MEANING I AM JEALOUS). I don't know what I could have done differently. How would you have brought up your jealousy?

    • Well in similar situations, I've openly talked about what I'm jealous about. But that really depends on what the girl is like of course, as long as she's mature, she wont' take advantage of the fact.

      However, from the way you've described your ex, she doesn't seem to be mature at all.

  • Women want to feel wanted by their man. They want to feel like they are protected and that you will stand up if someone tries to take her from you. In her eyes (and sorry I have to agree with this) you didn't stand up and be a man. She said she 'wanted" to dance with other men and all that, but really she wanted you to get jealous come out there and cut in and dance with her. she wanted a man that would act like a man.

    If you were to have told her. I don't like you dancing with other men. I want you to dance with me.

    The proof is in the "we should get coffee to talk about our relationship one last time" comment. What that meant was. "Take the initiative. Take me out to coffee" But you waited for her to be the man for 4 weeks by that time she gave up on you ever being the man she wanted you to be.