I'm seeing a guy... He looks White but he's got several ethnicities behind him lol and he's non-religious, but he believes in God.
I'm half Indian and half Pakistani, and I'm Muslim.
I've been seeing him for almost 3 months, and about 2 weeks ago I told him how it won't work out because my parents would never agree, (my parents are old, almost in their 60s) so I don't want to hurt them.
My mum has strictly told me that if I ever get with a guy that's not a Pakistani Muslim I will be disowned - he can be British, American, French, German etc but he has to be Pakistani.
(I know my dad is Indian, but she literally gives no fucks 😫 but I'm also saving that argument for when the right time comes i. e. when and IF I want to marry a non Pakistani Muslim)
Okay so after telling him, he was upset with me, he said he thinks he's found the one in me. So I suggested that either we stop seeing each other because we're going to end up hurt, or we stay the same and just deal with being hurt later. We chose the latter... he hopes overtime I change my mind.
And everything was cool and dandy, until like two days ago, I've really started to fall for him, I imagine a future with him but I'm scared of moving forward with it... I really don't want to hurt my parents and family. I've always known that I was never allowed to get into a relationship with someone non Muslim and Pakistani.
So this is my fault, I shouldn't have pursued something I know I shouldn't. What should I do?
Also the problem is only from my side, he's allowed to do whatever he wants... hell he's 6'4 he'd dig whoever defies him in the ground 😂 But he did also say that only thing his Mum would disapprove of is if I was a strict Muslim - which I'm not, I'm more of a modern liberal Muslim (don't know if that is a thing lol).
- Yes. End it, you're only going to und up hurt18% (14)30% (29)25% (43)Vote
- No. Don't end it, if you really love each other it will work out67% (52)51% (49)58% (101)Vote
- Not sure...15% (12)19% (18)17% (30)Vote
Most Helpful Guy
You do realize that everyone in the world has different ethnicity's right? like you'll almost never be with someone who has the exact same ethnicity you do.
Now race yes, race that's easy to find someone who's the same in that area.
As for whether it'll work, yeah it can but whether it does depends on you and him and I understand you not wanting to hurt your parents I was in sort of a same deal. But at the same time your parents have no right legal or otherwise to control who you date in terms of race or ethnicity. That's ridiculous to disown someone because of that, what should matter is whether he's a good person or not, that should be the focus of the argument.
You'll have to make a choice, if you truly do like/love him then choose him and if your parents would really be so silly as to choose someone of the same race for you over you being happy.
The real question is are you independent meaning do you live on your own? if you do then your parents can not control what you do or who you are with. Meaning you can be with him.
Also God is not going to punish you for falling in love, God would never do such a thing, Love is one of his greatest creations.
Also I have been with someone of a different faith before and while it's not the easiest thing sometimes it can indeed work, just don't discuss religion if your partner has a really different view then you do religiously. But if they do have a similar view then feel free to talk.3
Most Helpful Girl
I was kind of sort of in a similar situation. First let me tell you this... it is not your fault at all for pursing it. Be aware though... people (family likely) may tell you otherwise. This is really a tough call. At this point you have not been together for that long so it would be easy to let it end. Trust me, the longer you are in the relationship... especially if you love him... the harder it will be to break it off due to family. So it's something you need to figure out soon.
Would he convert to Islam... or fake convert? In Islam... as long as the guy is Muslim parents are not allowed to discriminate against him based on ethnicity. If you really think he is the one... then would he be willing to do this for you?
Or something you could do that I did is wait until you are 100% sure you want to marry him before you introduce him to family. So you'd be hiding the relationship. This is not recommended and can cause a lot of stress but it will buy you time while you decide what to do.
Long story short: I'm Persian, former Muslim who met a man while in school. He is half white half jewish (south african). I hid the relationship from my family for almost 4 years. At that point we were done with school and wanted to get married. I was soooooooo stressed to tell my parents because I though they'd disown me for sure. It didn't go all happy with sunshine and rainbows but it wasn't as bad as expected. I can't say how your family will take it. Mine is very strict Muslim. My fiance had to convert to Islam... my dad took him to the mosque. He's been slowly trying to win my parents over for over a year. I tried to do this in a way where I could marry the man I love but still keep my family. It's been a very rough road but so far it's worth it. We aren't married yet but plan to be.
This is YOUR life. I know in Islamic culture it's put in our heads that we are supposed to obey our parents in everything. But I don't believe that. It was easier for me to break away because I left Islam. I don't know if your belief system will make it harder. Not to be rude... but if you are Muslim isn't dating not allowed? When I was Muslim I never dated.
PM me if you have questions. Good luck. You'll know the right decision for you.2