Do relationships between people with different ethnic backgrounds and religions truly work out? Should I end it?

I'm seeing a guy... He looks White but he's got several ethnicities behind him lol and he's non-religious, but he believes in God.

I'm half Indian and half Pakistani, and I'm Muslim.

I've been seeing him for almost 3 months, and about 2 weeks ago I told him how it won't work out because my parents would never agree, (my parents are old, almost in their 60s) so I don't want to hurt them.

My mum has strictly told me that if I ever get with a guy that's not a Pakistani Muslim I will be disowned - he can be British, American, French, German etc but he has to be Pakistani.

(I know my dad is Indian, but she literally gives no fucks 😫 but I'm also saving that argument for when the right time comes i. e. when and IF I want to marry a non Pakistani Muslim)

Okay so after telling him, he was upset with me, he said he thinks he's found the one in me. So I suggested that either we stop seeing each other because we're going to end up hurt, or we stay the same and just deal with being hurt later. We chose the latter... he hopes overtime I change my mind.

And everything was cool and dandy, until like two days ago, I've really started to fall for him, I imagine a future with him but I'm scared of moving forward with it... I really don't want to hurt my parents and family. I've always known that I was never allowed to get into a relationship with someone non Muslim and Pakistani.

So this is my fault, I shouldn't have pursued something I know I shouldn't. What should I do?

Also the problem is only from my side, he's allowed to do whatever he wants... hell he's 6'4 he'd dig whoever defies him in the ground 😂 But he did also say that only thing his Mum would disapprove of is if I was a strict Muslim - which I'm not, I'm more of a modern liberal Muslim (don't know if that is a thing lol).

  • Yes. End it, you're only going to und up hurt
    18% (14)30% (29)25% (43)Vote
  • No. Don't end it, if you really love each other it will work out
    67% (52)51% (49)58% (101)Vote
  • Not sure...
    15% (12)19% (18)17% (30)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Guy

  • You do realize that everyone in the world has different ethnicity's right? like you'll almost never be with someone who has the exact same ethnicity you do.

    Now race yes, race that's easy to find someone who's the same in that area.

    As for whether it'll work, yeah it can but whether it does depends on you and him and I understand you not wanting to hurt your parents I was in sort of a same deal. But at the same time your parents have no right legal or otherwise to control who you date in terms of race or ethnicity. That's ridiculous to disown someone because of that, what should matter is whether he's a good person or not, that should be the focus of the argument.

    You'll have to make a choice, if you truly do like/love him then choose him and if your parents would really be so silly as to choose someone of the same race for you over you being happy.

    The real question is are you independent meaning do you live on your own? if you do then your parents can not control what you do or who you are with. Meaning you can be with him.

    Also God is not going to punish you for falling in love, God would never do such a thing, Love is one of his greatest creations.

    Also I have been with someone of a different faith before and while it's not the easiest thing sometimes it can indeed work, just don't discuss religion if your partner has a really different view then you do religiously. But if they do have a similar view then feel free to talk.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I was kind of sort of in a similar situation. First let me tell you this... it is not your fault at all for pursing it. Be aware though... people (family likely) may tell you otherwise. This is really a tough call. At this point you have not been together for that long so it would be easy to let it end. Trust me, the longer you are in the relationship... especially if you love him... the harder it will be to break it off due to family. So it's something you need to figure out soon.

    Would he convert to Islam... or fake convert? In Islam... as long as the guy is Muslim parents are not allowed to discriminate against him based on ethnicity. If you really think he is the one... then would he be willing to do this for you?

    Or something you could do that I did is wait until you are 100% sure you want to marry him before you introduce him to family. So you'd be hiding the relationship. This is not recommended and can cause a lot of stress but it will buy you time while you decide what to do.

    Long story short: I'm Persian, former Muslim who met a man while in school. He is half white half jewish (south african). I hid the relationship from my family for almost 4 years. At that point we were done with school and wanted to get married. I was soooooooo stressed to tell my parents because I though they'd disown me for sure. It didn't go all happy with sunshine and rainbows but it wasn't as bad as expected. I can't say how your family will take it. Mine is very strict Muslim. My fiance had to convert to Islam... my dad took him to the mosque. He's been slowly trying to win my parents over for over a year. I tried to do this in a way where I could marry the man I love but still keep my family. It's been a very rough road but so far it's worth it. We aren't married yet but plan to be.

    This is YOUR life. I know in Islamic culture it's put in our heads that we are supposed to obey our parents in everything. But I don't believe that. It was easier for me to break away because I left Islam. I don't know if your belief system will make it harder. Not to be rude... but if you are Muslim isn't dating not allowed? When I was Muslim I never dated.

    PM me if you have questions. Good luck. You'll know the right decision for you.

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    • 3mo

      Thank you :) I am going to wait ofc before telling my parents anything, but what I'm concerned about is being hate.

      And yeah dating is not allowed in Islam but like I said I'm not a strict muslim. For me my religion is more my faith in God and acts as a guidance of how to go about life, rather than follow every rule, I've only turned to religion recently so I'm still not fully there yet.

    • 3mo

      Good luck! I did get a lot of hate from my parents... they told me I was selfish amd disrespectful to them for even considering to marry someone who wasn't the same ethnicity. My siblings turned against me too. I was told I was going to ruin the family. They told me I was doing it all on purpose just to spite them...& that's not even all of it. I don't even want to know what they would do if I told them I'm not Muslim.

      So if your parents are traditional be prepared... but it does get easier. I went to therapy while I was hiding the relationship and it helped me prepare for the introduction. I can't remember if you said u live alone or with family. If you live like family like
      me it will be more difficult to hide. You'll have to make sure you cover all bases and have made up reasons for when you are out. Little things u may not think they'll pick up on. If you don't live at home with them it will be so much easier for you to hide.

    • 3mo

      I moved for uni so don't live at home, but my parents don't question me when I go out and stuff, as long as I'm home by a reasonable time.

      But yes I think I will need to prepare.

What Guys Said 63

  • In my experience it depends on how strongly the people involved identify with their race, ethnicity, nationality, religion, etc. If they are a big part of one's identity, it can be hard to commit to a lifetime with someone who will never truly "get" that part of you. Obviously a non-religious white can show sympathy and support you, but he will never experience bigotry the way you do, nor truly understand the pressure you might feel to do what your family and community want.

    I've dated women for whom those things mattered a lot to them, and I think they were better off for ultimately marrying within their own race and faith, even though in many other areas we had a lot in common and enjoyed spending time with each other. The realization that you can't make everyone important to you happy is a tough one, and I don't think its fair to fault someone who decides that maintaining their relationship with their family and community is more important to them.

    That certainly doesn't have to be the only fate though. Ultimately it's on you to decide how important these things are to you. Are the things you gain by being with this man (over other Pakistani Muslim men you might end up with) more valuable to you than what you would lose?

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    • 3mo

      Thank you :) if I'm honest I'm not sure, it's too early to know anything about ourselves and our future, but he says he wants a future with me and wants me to consider him further than just a boyfriend.

  • It depends on the two people whether this will work. I've seen it fail (Christian woman/Muslim man), but they both had other issues, it wasn't the religion. It depends how mature and compatible you both are. Reality is, if you go with him, you will lose your mom and not sure about your dad. Will you lose the whole family? That means, he would be your family... its a lot to lose. And if relationship doesnt' work out, can you go back? Do you want to go back?

    I believe someone in the British Royalty years ago did something like that (marry outside of the chosen blood line) so it isn't undeard of for love...

    The other thing is relationships in general are work. just because you love him and he desires you, doesn't mean the relationship itself will work... that's true even if you go with a pakistani Muslim.

    I voted Not sure... Part of me says be your own woman and love the one you want. The other says, it may be a painful and hard road if you do. It may not be perfect any way you go... ugh... love!

    So tell me, what do Muslims, culture, family, and Koran teach about love?

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    • 3mo

      Love is not forbidden or seen as a sin in Islam. However culture has manipulated religion to fit it's means... For me my bigger issue is that I don't want to hurt my parents.

    • 3mo

      Not exactly what I was asking. Does it encourage love, talk about love, is love important in the belief system or the practices?

    • 3mo

      No, love isn't really discussed in enough depth.

  • Hmm, i faced a similar predicament. Now my parents had nothing approaching the reservations most strict Muslims have to dating "outside", but i still had to overcome a few biases.

    What it boils down to is - do you have the stones to become your own woman and break away from your parents? Are you completely confident and self-sufficient that you can strike out and make it in the world without them? My answer to those questions was yes, so that's what i did and i moved out. After a period of being my own man, mum eventually came around to the idea that i was serious about my white/black girlfriends.

    It's not so much about love and respect for your parents blah blah blah (yeah i heard that rhetoric too) - It's about giving them the choice of accepting you as a woman who can make your own decisions, or they can pretty much go do one.

    If you can't do it you need to break it off - because you're just both leading each other on really. Obviously marriage is a LONG way off, but to "enjoy the dating as it goes" can easily lead to a devastating heart break should you feel like you would marry this man one day.

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    • 3mo

      Thank you, I will talk to him about this more seriously I guess.

      And I have already moved out for uni, and then when I graduate I'm getting my own place. So it's not that I can't date him... I just don't want to hurt my parents you know

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    • 3mo

      I think deep down (very deep lol) parents want their daughter to be happy. More time and exposure to this guy 'might' persuade them to overlook it. Can't say for certain though. Certainly you can put it off and ask this question in 2 years 😂. Let me tell you once you've moved 'out' you feel liberated and start to really think of number one first.

    • 3mo

      Yeahh I'll see in 2 years hahah thank you :)

  • Your choices are to let your mother control your life or for you to control your life. I think we need to call in @cinderelli for an opinion.

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    • 3mo

      Thanks for the mention.. 😊
      Well I'm a Pakistani Muslim.. and the thing is that parents literally control every part of their kid's life.. I don't like that stuff so I've been always kind of a rebel to the norms here.. and @asker I guess you are a practicing Muslim even if you're not radical.. first.. you won't even be allowed to marry a non Muslim.. ethnicities and nationality comes later.. I've been sent proposals for marriage ever since I turned 16.. 😑 and well I don't fit in here.. I'm not a practicing Muslim so the solution I found for myself is to graduate and move out.. and not just out of home.. but to another country.. so my family won't be affected by my decisions of who I date... or marry.. if you can't move out.. and you "need" your parents approval to get married.. then it's not happening... you should just end it instead of prolonging and hoping for something that's not gonna happen.. if you're not dependent on them.. then keep going..

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    • 3mo

      @dogbert444 thank you ☺☺

    • 3mo

      @cinderelli You are always welcome! :-)

  • Different races? I believe that can work although it also has its overly fair share of difficulty - not in the relationship itsself per se but from society and cultural influences which are constantly tugging against them. Shame really. My sister-in-law/brother-in-law are different races and have a fantastic marriage but face racism and bigotry almost daily.
    Different religions is going to be more extreme because that is a personal between the two of you. Even people who are in a relationship within the same faith sometimes have to split because their belief mechanism isn't the same; you know you don't mesh when you see different religions. You'll have big questions to ask - how do we raise our children? Do we contribute money to these religions and if so which one? Do you go to church separately? It is something that would impact you greatly if you continued to be part of each other's lives. Not sayin it wouldn't work because love overcomes many an obstacle, I just think it would be extremely difficult.

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    • 3mo

      Me too, I am a very practical person, but heeeee thinks it will be fine, and he hardly listens to me when I say it's not going - instead he says "with that attitude, it won't" lol

  • From my perspective, I really don't think your parents should be able to tell you who you can or can't date/marry. If you truly love someone who's a different ethnicity and religion who cares? Love can cross racial, ethnic or religious boundaries. I don't think that's fair of your parents to do to you. Don't be disrespectful, but simply tell them you love this person who just happens to be different ethnicity and religion and you want to be with him.

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    • 3mo

      Thank you and I agree with what you say, but my parents just aren't in a mindset to listen or understand me in terms of relationships.

    • 3mo

      Yes I believe you that it must be difficult, but what I'm saying is do they really have a say at all? I mean your 21 years old and that's plenty old enough to make your own relationship decisions. The person you choose will possibly be with you for life, you should choose someone YOU want to be with not someone your parents want you to be with. I understand you have your religious views on it and all, and your parents can absolutely give you advice, but this is the person you are gonna be with for life. I think that's a decision you deserve to have the final say in.

    • 3mo

      Yes so do I think only I should have the full right to decide who I date and later marry

  • absolutely try and work it out. if dude loves you AND believes in a creator then you are 70% there anyhow. all he has to do to pacify the parents is to actually research and be interested in your theology. God, Allah, Yaweh, Jahovah, and Yahovah are all names generated for the creator in the same time period. The only addition to those names is Jesus Christ, which is such a small issue when it comes to following the tenants of faith that it should not cause such a seperation in beliefs (though it does).

    I know of many happy and productive couples that are a mix of Christian and Muslim. I believe that the main point in life is accepting that none of us knows 100% of anything. With that realization it will allow you to explore other people's ideas.

    Good Luck

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    • 3mo

      Thank you :) I love your outlook on religion, it's exactly how I feel... all these haters saying I'm doing wrong if I marry a non-muslim, what they fail to understand is that, God won't send a non-muslim good guy to hell and a bad muslim to heaven, just because of religion. Your mind, heart, and soul need to be good to earn a place in heaven.

    • 3mo

      exactly, people forget that the basis for this theology was written down approx 2,000+ years ago and have been transliterated as well as translated over and over through the centuries. one key example is the translation of "to be born again" actually translates to "to rise again" and also "with the rising sun". neither of which makes a direct translation to a rebirth. just do the best you can with what you have and remember that to be a good person has nothing to do with being a good believer.

    • 3mo

      Yeah, thank you :)

  • There needs to be compromise and understanding. Too many people are too hard core about their religion and simply refuse to accept that there are other types and other ways on this planet and therefore will not accommodate anything else either. Why can we all get along? If you can't have some compromise then there is too much incompatibility and I say break up and move on!

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  • While you respect your parents is a good thing but they don't return it to you. Love and respect must be a two way street here. Who you love is not their choice , who you marry is not their choice unless you allow them the say as to who they see as fitting. And in allowing them this say is the same as saying they can have control over your life despite your age. This is your life and you are entitled to make the choices that affect your future

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    • 3mo

      I wish they understood it this way

    • 3mo

      I think the threats to disown someone if thier choices in who they marry is lunacy. It's the most vial psychological abuse a parent can do to their child. It may sound harsh but if my parent were to have tried this on me I would have married thus forcing their hand. And if they followed through with their threat it would have proven to me they never loved me to begin with and more saw me as property

  • You are an adult and have sole charge of your destiny. Sadly, your parents won't always be around, so eventually, you will be able to do what feels right for you.

    You have two issues here. The differences between you and this guy, and what your parents want for you. Taking the first issue, if you both put the relationship before ANYTHING else, it may well work. Have no hard and fast rules about how children are brought up. Let them chose their own paths, in the way that you're being denied.

    The second issue is more problematical. It is all down to your resolve. Whether you are willing to let your parents rule you, and make decisions for you, or whether you can (want?) to stand up to them.

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    • 3mo

      Yeah that's what I think, even we work through our differences, which we will, the main problem is my parents.

      I think I just need to wait and see if he is worth it I guess.

  • I chose not sure for the mere fact that YOUR happiness is your business and no one else's. I understand that there's a huge cultural and religious factor but if you wish to bind yourself to those ideals and beliefs then go ahead I won't stop you, but when you find someone who really gets you & and I mean REALLY knows you inside out then you are going to have to make a sacrifice somewhere inbetween. There's however not always door 1 or a door 2, there's always a hidden door 3 you just need to find it.

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  • As long as both people are similar in their cultures of daily life, have the same religious beliefs, and are mentally/spiritually strong enough to stand against those who will hate on their relationship... an interracial couple can very much stay together.

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  • it can certainly work out. i dont think you should allow your parents to dictate who you love since it is you who has to spend a life with a person. your happiness should be your parents primary concern not the color or background of the person

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  • In my view, it mostly doesn't work out and even if it does, it will not be without many fights , arguments in it.

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  • If the people love one another that not an issue... Just as examples I know a South American Catholic woman that's married to a Vietnamese Buddhist man, they raised 2 kids one is a CPA and the other is in Pharmacy school... I know a Jew married to a Christian, they have three kids, one is n advertising the other is an fine arts student, and the last is still in school... Both couples have been together for over 30 years. If you're not a religious extremist then it shouldn't be a barrier in your relationships.

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    • 3mo

      Thank you :) the problem isn't religion. It's that I don't want to hurt my parents...

    • 3mo

      Well they're entitled to their opinion, but at the end of the day you're and adult and you have to lead your own life. They might gripe and moan but eventually they'll come around and accept that you did what was right for you.

    • 3mo

      *an...

  • This sounds incredibly stupid, they're old and I'm assuming you're all not living in Pakistan. New country, new cultures, people can date people based on whatever they do or do not find attractive. 60 year old parents so set in their ways shouldn't determine anyones love life.

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    • 3mo

      No, we live in the UK lol. I'm born here so the British culture is my culture, my parents were born back home and they are stuck in that mindset.

      I don't care about cultural or religion differences, I just don't want to hurt my parents at this age. They've raised me with a lot of love and care :(

    • 3mo

      Well it's your life, who you choose to date shouldn't displease them unless the guy is a genuine loser.

  • Some work out, others don't, it depends on the personality of both persons and on the good or bad exterior influences.

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  • religion sucks get rid of it, it turns people into mindless idiots, and controls them, for no reasons at all, so i suggest you decide on what YOU want in life not what your religion or what your parents say, and quit feeling guilty. its YOUR life not theirs.

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    • 3mo

      It's not easy, with most Asian cultures, parents raise you with their ideals and what they expect from you. You're not really given or taught the full freedom to do as you wish with your life, so it's difficult for me to think that it's my life and not feel guilty that I would hurt my parents

    • 3mo

      well umm those type of parents need to get a life and realize not everything goes their way, and let there kids grow up to find their own paths in life. parents should only guide their kids, not control them. dont worry about hurting your parents or feel guilty about simple normal things you desire, otherwise your going to hurt yourself. plus your 21 your an adult now, its your choice anyways, they can't say anything.

  • As someone who ends up liking a lot of Indian/Muslim/Hindi/other brown girls who fall in the category of strict parents who control who they date, I never really enjoyed that.
    Not even just because it personally disadvantages me, but like that's so torturous to someone to just tell them they can't be with someone they want to be with. Honestly if my mom even remotely tried to control who I dated I would have never stood for it. One of my close friends is really afraid she'll end up in an arranged marriage, and my other close friend's close friend is also afraid of the same.
    My personal recommendation is to do what makes you happy. You are your own person and you make your own decisions.
    And yes, relationships like that can absolutely work out. It just adds to the list of problems a relationship faces, but a good relationship will always overcome them.

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  • Ethnic differences? Nope, those don't necessarily pose a problem. Religious differences? Yeah... those are dangerous waters.

    If you're talking about differences in religious denominations, then it might not prove to be a huge problem. Say, if a Byzantine Orthodox marries a Roman Catholic, it should probably be fine. But, say, a Catholic marrying a Muslim? That's probably not going to work.

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  • I've seen this situation one too many times. from wot I kno Muslims families r very strict with what they say. take what your parents say seriously. they have told u. tell your boyfriend that if he really cares he may have to make some sacrifices like becoming a Muslim etc. if not I will honestly tell u forget it u r young.

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    • 3mo

      I like your honesty, thank you :)

    • 3mo

      no p. date him but try to remove ur heart from it until u r sure it can go into marriage. for ur parents sake not urs.

  • Ethnicity doesn't matter. Culture is what matters.

    Religion can be a different story entirely. When both people in a relationship believe they have the absolute truth of the universe, I think it can cause some problems especially with kids.

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    • 3mo

      Yeah you're right, we haven't discussed kids properly, but the brief conversation we did have just showed how we would raise our children differently.

  • Im atheist and hispanic my girlfriend native American and white not religious but believes in god we love eachother very much our families approve and i can see a life with her and she does with me we have a beautiful baby on the way the point is it will work out and if it doesn't trust me it has nothing to do with religion or race

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  • You are a HEARTLESS female who started dating a non-Muslim man and giving him false hopes, in SPITE of you knowing that your mom would never approve and you are unlikely to go against her wishes.

    Please, dump him and do him a favour. He deserves better.

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    • 3mo

      Why am I heartless? Because I made a mistake?

      I'm not giving him false hope. Maybe you didn't read the question properly, I've told him straight up exactly how it is, and he still insists on being with me...

      And I know he deserves better, I told him but he gets pissed off at me for even suggesting it... And I do like him a lot, and if things go well with him, I would go against my mums wishes if he is worth it. And that's what I want know by asking this question, is love worth leaving family...

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    • 3mo

      you are not heartless, religion and ethnic backgrounds are difficult to deal with... Everyone wants to believe Love Conquers All but Sadly most often it does Not !! Living day to day with someone is not the same as dating, dating is all Love and rose colored glasses... not to be negative, just realistic!

  • Honestly ending a relationship due to religion or parental pressure is childish in the extreme. If you really like him then they have no right to judge or tell you what to do. Its your life, rise up and live it. You and you alone are the master of your destiny.

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  • If your family would disown you for following your heart call there bluff and follow it you don't need a family that stops you from being happy or doesn't support you.

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  • No offense at all but what your mum said is kinda stupid :/

    If my parents tried to dictate who I'm with they would get a mouthful. Thankfully my mum and dad don't care who I get with. I like all girls of all races and shapes.

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  • Since he is the "infidel" I say go for it. You will likely be loved and cherished. Have you met his parents? If yours disown you, perhaps you can be the daughter (in law) they never had.

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  • It's been working out in North America for 500 years...

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  • Well first where are you from, U. S? Secondly I wouldn't go by whatever silly racist rule your mom has when she married an Indian guy herself.

    That sounds like b. s. to me but if you want to sacrifice your happiness for her thats your choice, or you can be an adult and make your own dating choices...

    I guess this just shows other races are racist as well and not only Whites as the media likes to claim...

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    • 3mo

      I'm from the U. K.

      And trust me I know! She's even said to me "regardless of what your Dad is you're marrying a pakistani muslim man" and I'm there thinking "stfu" lol

      In reality I don't think I'll EVER be with a guy of her choice, my mum doesn't know my as a person or know what I want in a guy to even be considered as an option to find someone for me.

    • 3mo

      Your mom is really silly about this and I think you shouldn't listen to her, how old are you by the way 21? You should make your own dating choices, you have the freedom to do that in U. K. so do it.

      Also you will have more dating options if you dont only narrow it down to "marrying a pakistani muslim" so better chances of finding a good guy. Good luck!

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What Girls Said 28

  • There's maybe no yes or no answer for that. In my experience, everyday is a new day - what seems to be going well today will seem completely messed up the next day.

    You care about your parents approval and I suspect keeping a connection after marrying, having children, etc. I completely understand.
    But like I said, it's a long road. It's been only 3 months for you two, and you're quite young, but how can you be sure you won't regret it later on not having giving it a chance? You're assuming what your parents reaction will be like, maybe even correctly, but you never know until you actually go down that road.

    I still think it may well be a long road with a lot of ups and downs and other turns... at least you're living in the same country. You just make sure that you're both wiling to fight that fight.
    On a side note, I think not many guys would tell you they can imagine things going forward and are willing to give it a go under the same circumstances, after only a couple of months. Maybe take that in consideration as well.

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    • 3mo

      Thank you :) I know it's a little too early, but me being me likes to just know things lol
      But it's true I need to see if we even work out in the first place to see if it goes further, and yeah I've never quite experienced anyone like him 🙈 my ex's were never as passionate or loving, and the way he is with me just makes me swoon sometimes... Ok I'll stop the lovey-dovey cringy talk lol

  • You best to end it if you want to honor your parents. Especially if you truly love them. But at the same time your an adult and you have to decide. Overall you will get hurt either way. Either get disowned from your entire family just for this guy who you may never marry or a chance of a failed relationship. Or break it off still be friends. If you can completely live on your own, have your own place and a job to support you WITHOUT the help of your parents then chose. If not you risk being homeless.

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  • I think they can with compromise, I married a pentecostal who's father was a pastor and I am Catholic, i saw no reason why we couldn't be perfectly happy... I suggested early on we just switch every other weekend, not only does it keep you in touch with your own beliefs but it introduces you to how other people see things... I actually thought it was not only a good idea, but also interesting... we had dated more then a year before we got married and I had visited his church several times, he had not visited mine... I had not seen how much control his father had over him and wanted to have over our marriage, he also became a totally different person, his father would tell him to get me under control as it was his job, and basically that came from me having opionions... They began telling me I was going to hell for being Catholic and not being what they believed, which was being saved and born agsin... I became pregnant the first month in our marriage, when I had realized I had made a horrible mistake, I thought I knew this man inside and out... Sadly He was a horrible controlling and abusive husband and an even worse father to our 2 boys... His parents were also very abusive to me and my boys as they were Never out of the picture... He also cheated our entire marriage, which was apparently acceptable as long as he didn't let it affect his home life and family!! We were together 11 years. before I had hid enough money to get out... Our divorce wasn't final til 4 years. later, as I had to wait to file til my youngest turned 14 so he could speak for himself in court... I've been a single mom for sometime and though money wise it is extremely hard, life has been peaceful and happy :) Last I knew he was with a 18 yr. old girl (child) from his father's church... Sorry for such A long Story, just saying I believe it can work but def. have No Doubts that your on the same page... I believed we were and he made me believe we were, we were both on board... I DEF. learned to late that we were Not!! I think to many people think they can worry about differences once your married... Best Wishes!!

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    • 3mo

      I'm sorry to hear, but I'm happy everything worked out for you in the end... and you're right I don't know him enough quite frankly.

  • ethnicities and religion shouldn't be something to dictate your relationships. if you like him then you should keep seeing him. unless he tries to change your beliefs.
    I understand there are some religions where if you date someone outside of it they have to convert but it depends on the people.
    if you love them then you'll do whatever you have to to be with them.

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  • I am Christian and he was atheist, I am Asian, he was Caucasian. I don't know, I think my parents understood that this is my life and not theirs and I will marry whomever I want.

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  • Let me just start by saying are a very brave woman regardless of your decision. Either you lose love or your family and it's going to be tough, but I would say choose love, because if you choose your family you'll be wondering what might have been and could possibly end up with someone you don't love.

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    • 3mo

      Exactly, and even if I choose my family, I may lose my family anyway because I would grow to resent them

  • I completely understand where you're coming from! My parents are indian and if I don't marry a Catholic indian man I will be disowned and it's not just any indian he must come from the same state our family comes from (Kerala) he can be American, European, Australian, south African, middle eastern etc as long as his roots are from kerala and he's a Catholic. I used to get so mad and frustrated upon hearing this, but now I see there is some truth to what they say and so I will listen to them. I feel if I stay with a man with the same background as me we will get along much better in the long run. In your case however you should go with what your heart desires if you really feel compatible with him then you fight for him. You must remind your mother that she didn't marry a Pakistani. What is your dad's view on this if you don't mind me asking

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    • 3mo

      Thank you. And yes I'm saving that argument against my mum for the right day lol

      My dad doesn't really have a say in all this, he will agree with whatever my mum says because when they got married that's what they had agreed on. But even if it was up to my dad, he would want me to marry a Indian-Sikh lol a white guy is never an option.

  • I have been in this situation before (I'm Christian) and I decided to end the relationship. I felt like it will bring too much problem in a long run especially when we have kids. I want my kids to be Christian like me too so I realized that it wasn't a good idea. We are still friends though.

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  • As long as both people are open minded and reasonable it can work.

    My sister in law is Madagascan. She used to be very determined but since having a child with my brother she has calmed a lot. I think it's been a big wake up call

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  • If you know for sure its not gonna work out
    End it

    Trust me! Don't listen to the "oh who cares if it doesn't work out, it will be worth it"

    Those are pure bs

    Don't damage your heart more.

    You wanna be happy, not miserable.
    You have that choice.

    Don't pursue something knowing full well that it won't bring the happiness/won't happen.

    Don't be foolish :)

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  • It's wrong for your family to threaten and manipulate you! Being forced to choose between love of family and a romantic love is a horrible place to be, and I am so sorry you are stuck there.

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  • It doesn't sound, from your explanation here, that it's a conflict between you and his differences with each other, but more of an issue between your parents' expectations and your current reality. If you don't personally have a problem with it, and it is your parents' expectations that are the problem, you need to realize that you are an adult and your parents cannot and should not run your life from now on. You are entitled to make your own decisions, and since it sounds like you love him, or are falling in love with him, I would recommend you stay. Hopefully your parents will understand that you're truly in love with him and decide that they'd rather you be happy than turn him away based on just a cultural difference.

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    • 3mo

      Thank you, you're one of the few that understood the question properly lol and yeah I'm just going to see how it goes I guess.

  • Hey! I am an Indian and I totally understand this inter-religion thing. If the guy sees a future with you too then you both will work it out and it will be the most romantic thing ever. Just like in the movies
    But this is reality , what if you decides to go with him and god forbid but if he stopped loving you , you gotta go back to your parents That will be the hardest time.
    You gotta make sure he is the right guy

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  • Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, it all depends on the couple and how the manage the situations that come to them.

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  • Sugar coated view: Yes they can if both people really care about each other
    But im a realist. Love alone is not enough to keep a relationship, someone has to compromise and sometimes one person refuses

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  • I think you're taking your parents into too much consideration. If you truly love this guy and want to be with him until death, go for it. Fuck what anyone says, even your parents.

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  • It really depends on how much "give" both of you have and how many sacrifices you are willing to make for the other. It's possible, but I'd say not very likely

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  • Ethnicity isn't an issue. Religion is.

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  • Don't end it, and tell your parents to stop being racists.

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    • 3mo

      But that doesn't solve the issue, I can argue with them all I want and I do lol I just don't want to have to choose

    • Show All
    • 3mo

      One day, whether we like it or not, parents will die. So that's why you shouldn't live your life to satisfy their egos because you should live for you rather than your parents. It's a tough decision but I think you're leaning towards the right one.

    • 3mo

      I totally agree with reixun.. But Muslim parents and Jews are dam strict about these things ( i know!)
      At the end of the day us Mexicans dont stand a dam chance lol

  • I am not sure. Maybe, maybe not.

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  • Um, stop being Muslim? It ain't about your parents' happiness; it's about your own.

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    • 3mo

      Religion isn't stopping me from being with him. What I'm asking if we're compatible in terms of religion...

  • Yea, my parents- one is white, one black. One is Muslim, the other is Christian. Different races, different continents, different religions... but it has worked for over 40 years.

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  • Stay with him. It's 21st century, all religions, cultures and races are equal. Don't break up with him just because he is different religion from you. You will regret it later. I wish you all the best ^_^

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  • If you two really love each other and wants to be together, it will work out regardless. It takes two to make it work though. Your parents may threaten to disown you if you marry someone they disapprove of, but in the end, you're their daughter, they will have no choice but to accept your decision.

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  • I have been through the same thing some relationships work and some don't. I have even told my family that my happiness comes first and it's not for them to decide who I get to be with.

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  • You're young, find someone else

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  • This is a really difficult situation. It might not work out between you and him, or you guys might turn out to be a perfect match. You'd never know if you just ended it now. I know you love your parents. Even though parents are sometimes stubborn and insane it's very difficult to not love them and not want to make them proud of you. The thing is though, there is a chance that this guy is perfect for you and he could make you incredibly happy. Any parents that love their child should want their child to be happy. At the end of the day, you're an adult, you're and adult, you're free to make your own decisions, and you are the only one who has to live with your decisions, NOT YOUR PARENTS. I think that if you truly think that this guy could be the one and he makes you happy then you should give him a shot.

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