Last night I went on a first date with this guy and we were hitting it off having a laugh. It was very casual drinks and he was nice and reliable so far.
Anyway after a few few drinks he started going on about exes and said he's cheated on every girlfriend he's had. He also said he loves his own company and not having to care about anyone else. He said he can't imagine just sleeping with one person for 40 years or so once once he's married.
He said he likes me and wants to see me again. But based on this I don't know what to make of him? I dont want this kind of relationship!
you don't know what to make of that? Can I smack you? sorry, but its that obvious, why are you not seeing it. He must be mesmerizing...
he just said... I'm a player, I want a casual girlfriend, no plans to get married or stay that way, and I'm just going to use you to please myself for sex. no guarantees I won't go with other girls while I'm with you. He just was as non committal as a guy can be. You should have referred him to a professional counselor on the spot... pulled out your phone and got him the number of one.
He's either ok with his life or likely... a sick guy (emotionally). Its sad he gets away with it, but he must be charming and attractive.
If you can't see this clearly, I want you to see a counselor before dating anyone else. Turn off Tinder and all dating apps. But I'm glad you had the wherewithall to walk away...
I think the fact you have to ask means you already know your answer. It's not wrong to think that way (I mean cheating is not right) but if he wants an open relationship or dating and nothing serious, and you do, then you two just won't work. And it's not fair on him for you to get with him and want him to change when he's already really been honest.
As for the trust thing, trust is a feeling and I feel you already know deep down you won't be able to trust him and you'll see a small sign of what could be suspicious one day, and just explode internally.
Then don't see him again? I think its pretty apparent what kind of guy he is, he was surprisingly upfront about it so at least he has that going for him but the fact is if he told you that then chances are he isn't going to somehow magically change into some one else just because he happens to be with you. Haven't you ever read aesope fables before: The Scorpion and the Frog
A scorpion and a frog meet on the bank of a stream and the scorpion asks the frog to carry him across on its back. The frog asks, "How do I know you won't sting me?" The scorpion says, "Because if I do, I will die too."
The frog is satisfied, and they set out, but in midstream, the scorpion stings the frog. The frog feels the onset of paralysis and starts to sink, knowing they both will drown, but has just enough time to gasp "Why?"
Replies the scorpion: "Its my nature..." In short always trust a person to be themselves, a liar will lie, just because you are friends with them does not alter this trait in the slightest, a cheater will cheat again just because you are with them will not change this simple fact they will always be true to their nature. If you do not want that kind of relationship simply decline any further dates with him explain that you do not want the kind of relationship he is looking for and that you want something serious and commited. Simple as that.
ABSOLUTELY NOT, unless you want a casual fling or something since he's definitely got commitment issues. If he can't commit to multiple previous partners, what makes you believe and think that he would commit to you?
Don't waste your time with him if you want a serious committed long term relationship.
Well he openly told you he likes to sleep around and you're saying you don't want that kind of relationship. What's to be confused about?
I really don't like being stabbed. If someone told me they love stabbing people and they're going to bring their knife next time, I'm not going to be thinking well maybe I should meet up with them next week but let me ask the internet first, because gosh golly I might not be thinking this through correctly...
U don't want this kind of relationship? Be happy that he was so honest to u then or do u still think that u can change the guy? He told u what he wants and you don't have to date him if u don't like that
That's all that needs to be said. It doesn't matter how much you like someone if you simply don't want the same things as them. He doesn't want a relationship. You do. You are not compatible. End of story. You're not going to magically make him change his mind and want to become monogamous. If he changes it will happen when and if he wants, not because of anything you could ever do so don't try to lie to yourself that it could work out or that you could change him.
Bottom line is to have self respect and stand up for what you want. You want a relationship and this guy is not going to give that to you. It's like trying to get milk out of a rock. Pointless. So next step is to move on to find someone you can actually be with.
He clearly is looking for a casual sex relationship. Someone that is looking for more would not say those things unless they are looking to be doomed in the future of a significant other always questioning them, and wanting to know their whereabouts (due to paranoia of possibly being cheated on). In general, he sounds like a guy that's a free spirit. He loves living his life and having no ties. If you're not looking for a casual sex relationship then you shouldn't be bothered with him.
RED FLAG!!! This guy sounds like a real piece of work. I mean it's okay for him to want to have a casual thing. But if you are looking for a relationship, then I wouldn't be wasting time on this guy. He's been upfront about his cheating and not wanting to be with the same person for 40 years. That right there should show you where he stands.
I really think if you don't want this kind of relationship you should thank him for his time but say you aren't wanting to see him again. You already said you don't want this sort of relationship. So don't try and give him another chance. He's made himself pretty clear.
The good news is you already know you don't want this kind of relationship. If that's the case, forget him and find someone else. However, if you're in the mood for something casual and hopefully fun, I would give him a thought. He sounds like he would be a good match for a friends with benefits perhaps. Also the fact that he's being so honest on the first day shows that he doesn't care what you think. He has nothing to lose. Whether you say yes or no, he's cool either way. You need to make sure that you're 100% sure you know what you're getting into.
Open rekationships are fine and it sounds like that's what he's looking for, but in my opinion, cheating is unforgiveable. Cheating means he's lying about something important and I believe trust is one of the most important things in a relationship.
It doesn't sound like an open relationship is something you'd want. Even if it was, I'd run from this guy if I were you. There are lenty honest men out there, don't go with the serial cheater unless you want your heart to be broken.
clearly your even asking this question so you already know the answer. He basically told you on a silver platter that he is a cheater and an ass, and you don't know what to make of it. Seriously do you really think that you'll be different from all the other girls he has dated previously. highly doubtful, he also told he couldn't imagine sleeping with just 1 person for 40 years. How much more clues do you need?
I don't think you should expect him to be a part of a commited relationship.
It does sound like this guy told you these stuff so you could decide if you still wanted to have something to do with him. So he's telling you this from the start, so you cannot be angry at him, he is keeping it real, almost telling him what you can expect.
But since you obviously don't want that kind of relationship, then I suggest not to date this guy.
Hey, at least he was cool enough to be honest with you and let you make that decision. I can't say I able ya for not wanting that kind of relationship, you sound like you have more self worth then that. You do have to admit tho, that was good of him to be honest and not just tell you what you want to hear, lot of " those" out there.
The moment he says he cheated on all his past girlfriends, I'd already be out the door. No, don't settle for a dick like that. You deserve much more than that, and I don't know you at all but I'm sure you're a very nice person with a bright personality. So don't do that to yourself. Yes, of course he'll say he likes you but he's probably said that to many girls. Also, it's a god damn red flag when he mentions his exes on the first date. So, don't settle for less when you're worth more.