told this girl how I felt about her and she responded by saying she was looking to date anyone then, she was primarily focusing on school work. so, I took it as a rejection and backed completely off. she then sends me a random message checking on me a month later. I get back to school. I see her in passing and we speak. when I always see her she speaks and smile. a few times she randomly initiates a chat. once she was wandering where have I been. before spring classes she sends me another text saying she saw me walking. again, I backed off and NEVER tried to reach out or anything. I'm starting to wander does she want me to chase her or what. Even though she reject me, I wanna make sure we are still cool. I still continue to back off. She is about graduate next month. I rarely see her. I would like to talk to her before she graduates. Not expecting anything major to happen. Just two good friends catching up. The problem is that I never see her and I don't know how to approach her. I am afraid I might push her away.
Should I try and communicate with her?
What Girls Said 1
You really did not describe the girl enough for me to know much, but some girls really enjoy when a guy chases her. It is like they want you to want them and after you do they do not seem to want you anymore. Yes I know we(females) are complicated as hell. It could be maybe she is trying to make a friendship with you or she could be very well trying to get closer. Just ask her to maybe hang out one night. Make sure you mention a public place so she does not think you are trying to make a move. If she suggests something else then go for it otherwise just see how the night goes and how she acts towards you. If she flirts tremendously then go for it. If you are just looking for friendship it wouldn't hurt just to try talking to her.0
What Guys Said 1
You did the right thing in backing off because that is a well known shootdown (She'd burn her notes in an instant for a date with Robert Pattison) but you're not out of the danger zone yet. Allow me to show you:
"when I always see her she speaks and smile. "
"a few times she randomly initates a chat."
"once she was wandering where have I been." - focus on the "once" here.
"before spring classes she sends me another text sayn she saw me walking"
This leads to: "I'm starting to wander does she want me to chase her or what"
No, no and no. When a guy is trying to rationalise a woman's behaviour, his head is still in the clouds and I warn you it'll make you do crazy things. You're doing better than most by staying back. None of what you said points to her being interested. You backed off, you showed her you have the capability to know when she isn't interested and thus proved yourself as a friend.
"I wanna make sure we are still cool." - You and I both know this really means you want to know where you stand despite everything. Why? You're afraid to approach her. You're only ever afraid of approaching people you're attracted to, how can you be afraid to approach somebody you regard as a friend when you say there's clearly no awkwardness on her behalf? It doesn't make sense.
If you want to be friends then make sure you're ready to do so. Otherwise you're going to fall right back into the trap and before you know it you're sending her unrequited love messages and getting paranoid she's dating other guys.1
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