How can I recover from rejection by a guy?

Please help!, I met someone at the place I worked at this Summer. He said that he was very attracted to me and wanted to get to know me better. He gave me his number and we texted back and forth, but then I noticed that sometimes he would take days to respond back. People told me that this was a red flag, but I didn't listen. He was also active on tinder, but I didn't really think anything of it either since he put on his profile that he was "not looking for a hook-up".
Then as time went on, I noticed that he never followed up on a date he himself suggested, so I instead asked him out for coffee to which he agreed. Days later, he rescheduled the date which gave me the impression that he wasn't too interested in me. I then proceeded to ask him how he felt about me and if he was interested in me.
He said "I think you're very good looking and I'm definitely interested. I would like to get to know you better, but it's going to be very hard due to work right now. As you can see to even go out for coffee." I replied back by saying "Is it possible for us to get to know each other even though you're busy?" He responded by saying "Unfortunately because of work and the bs happening at work, I don't think that's a possibility for me right now". I said "ok, that's all I need to know. Good luck." and he said "same to you."

I am really depressed and heart-broken because I developed feeling for this guy and it seems like he had ulterior motives all along... Every time I meet someone I like, in the end, they're just looking for sex or just stop talking me. I don't know what else to do because the guys I'm into are either taken or just not interested...


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm not trying to be a dick about it... but suck it up and learn from your mistakes.

    This guy was definitely looking for a relationship. But from the sounds of it he was half-heartedly interested in you.

    "He was also active on tinder, but I didn't really think anything of it either since he put on his profile that he was "not looking for a hook-up"."

    -He was talking to another girl who he was more interested in.

    "He said "I think you're very good looking and I'm definitely interested. I would like to get to know you better, but it's going to be very hard due to work right now. As you can see to even go out for coffee." "

    -He just rejected you. Permanently. However he was trying to not hurt your feelings.

    The story that you just described has happened to me (and most guys) 100+ times. The best advice I can give you is to recognize the signs of disinterest early on before committing emotions to anyone. Unfortunately I can't give you any advice about your current feelings other than just wait it out.

    Again... I'm sorry if I came across as a dick.

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    • 3mo

      How do you know for sure that he was looking for a relationship and not for sex?

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    • 3mo

      *lost interest in me,

    • 3mo

      Both of them sound equally likely and are typical of what I call a "smart dater".

      Remember that guys, no matter how attractive, will never have as many options as girls. What you are describing is what I did when I was younger and was looking for a girlfriend. A lot of guys will simply talk to several girls at once and then choose the one that shows most interest/the one that we are most interested in.

      Why do we do this? Just like girls we don't want to get hurt. That's why we don't dump all our eggs in one basket. If we talk to one girl and she rejects us, we will feel really shitty. If we talk to several girls at once, one rejection is child's play and we just go to the next girl. It is likely this guy was doing the same.

Most Helpful Girl

  • I have had the same problem! Just know that there is a guy out there for you. And that you don't need a guy to make you happy. I mean sure if your like me then you really want a guy just to do life with. I've learned to make myself happy with whatever life throws at me. I'm not always happy with it but whatever. But rejection from a guy is not easy it makes you feel like crap you go from being on cloud 9 to the most depressed person you think. But to deal with it I just kind of move on. And know that whatever reason it is they stopped talking to me that it just wasn't meant to be. Sounds stupid I know but I try to just not let my happiness depend on a guy. Although it could be better to have a guy sometimes I know. Hope I helped a little bit.

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    • 3mo

      Thanks, I just feel bad about the fact that everytime I meet someone I like, it is always a disappointment in the end :(

    • 3mo

      Same with me

What Guys Said 12

  • I don't think he was really interested. If he was he'd have made more efforts. Rejection is not the end of the world though, I know that sometimes things don't end up the way we want, but give it time and you'll move on, try to get on with your life and things will slowly get back to normal.

    Maybe this can help you see things differently (I wrote it after a rejection): www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a28863-the-5-pros-of-rejection-tomorrow-s-a-new-day

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    • 3mo

      Why do you think he led me on?

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    • 3mo

      All of a sudden backed out after I asked him if he was interested in me as in considering a serious relationship... Before that, he had planned for us to get coffee this week.

    • 3mo

      Yeah, maybe he really changed his mind after all.

  • Just try to understand that rejection from one person isn't a reflection on you and doesn't mean that there is something inherently wrong with you. There are millions of people in the world, and not all of them are going to like you, but that's ok - plenty of them will. It's easier said than done, but you will move on as you meet other guys. Good luck

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  • Same way you get over a lost pet - get another one!!!

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  • Do the same thing that women tell guys that complain about being rejected. Deal with it.

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    • 3mo

      I wouldn't say that a guy because I know how hard it is to do so.

  • This is so me. I'm always getting blown off by people who claim they're interested.

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  • On the one hand he seems like a jerk, on the other hand I wonder why you'd reject him only because he wanted to have sex with you?

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  • You are so naive

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    • 3mo

      I recognize that I was naive enough to fall for this guy, but right now I'm having a hard time going back to my normal self. This killed my self-esteem for good.

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    • 3mo

      what do you mean by "you are the best girl"? Obviously not to him.

    • 3mo

      but to others. just be yourself

  • Hmmm well your situation sucks... But I think you should get over him... And move on...

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  • It's best to get over it, I would recommend that you don't develop feelings for a person until you get to know them better. Also, you should read the 'Red flags' and you should make your decision based on that too.

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  • omg the guy sounds like me, are u indian? i am sorry, i really have been busy with exams and stuff tbh

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  • holy fuck.

    i reject girls all the time and i feel terrible now.

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  • Most guys are pretty straightforward. If he says he's interested, then he is. He's probably really busy/going through something at the moment so he couldn't make time for your coffee. You can't expect him to drop work to go on a date with you.

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    • 3mo

      If he was truly busy, he would have made time for me. Plus, he never said anything about "wait unti I finish going through what I'm going through and then we could date." I just don't know why he initially wanted to get to know me and all of a sudden lost interest...

What Girls Said 6

  • You are worth an amazing person telling you that you are beautiful. And if those guys can't see that then they aren't worth the effort. Anyone who can't give you the time to get to know you is obviously not worth your time. There are so many fish in the sea and I'm sure you will find someone who is interested and who you are also interested in.

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  • Mixed signals are the worst. But it would've definitely been a lot more painful if he blatantly rejected you instead of giving you excuses. Girl, just get over him!!! You deserve a man who will love you unconditionally and that ain't him. Tell yourself " I deserve better" and move right along.

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    • 3mo

      Thanks, I just wish I knew why he lost interest in me... It really killed my self-esteem.

    • 3mo

      If you want more transparency from his part then I suggest you send him a text. Say " hey, it was great meeting you this summer. At first, it seemed you were interested in getting to know me better but then I sensed an abrupt change in your behavior. Would it be possible for you to give me a brief explanation as to why? I would appreciate that. Have a great rest of the summer and no hurt feeling lol ( just a bit confused)".

    • 3mo

      But girl remember it doesn't matter!!! Don't let a stupid rejection crush your self-esteem. You're worthy of being loved and maybe someday the right guy will see the true beauty in you, cherish you for who you are. Good lick with you future endeavors!!!

  • Just time. I got rejected badly once and I just got over it with time

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    • 3mo

      did you date anyone afterwards?

  • He wasn't interested and used work as an excuse to stop seeing you. Work can't be THAT busy... mixed signals suck, he knew he wasn't interested but still gave out his number. Just give yourself sometime to heal and take a break from guys and dating.

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    • 3mo

      I never asked him for his number. He gave it to me voluntarily and texted me first. He showed signs of interest in the beginning, but little by little, it went downhill. I actually want to start dating again just to get over this one guy :/

  • work-was just an excuse... i sometimes use this excuse for guys i am not interested too...
    from my expiriance i can tel if guy likes u he will find a way to meet u even when he is busy with work...

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    • 3mo

      I know it was just an excuse. I just wish I knew why he lost interest in me...

    • 3mo

      ask him then where do i know why

  • I feel ya... But dont worry as time goes on you will move on. Your gonna feel soooo much better when you do. I hate when guys lead you on then dump you so annoying lol. But its gonna hurt for a little but then you realize you don't need him. I hope you feel better😊

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