How to know if a girl is also interested or just being friendly or polite?

My younger sister introduced me to her friend over lunch last month. I thought she was pretty and easy to talk to. I asked her out to dinner the following week after chatting for a few days. I thought the dinner went well. We talked a lot and had a good time. I do not think she considered it as a date, maybe more of just going out with a new friend who is a friend’s brother. Purely plaonic from her end. We had dinner again after 3 days and it was the same thing. After dinner, we strolled around the city then I accompanied her to her subway station. I was leaving the country the next day for my home country. She will also be going back to the same home country this Dec. I knew i would not see her for at least 4 months so it got me thinking of doing something.

It feels like i went overboard but i felt at that time i needed to leave a non-platonic impression. So the next morning i went to her subway station to give her breakfast, which included her favorite coffee. She was surprised and said “thank you and you shouldn’t have.” And something like “you should not trouble yourself.” I am not sure if that is a hint that she is not interested or am i reading between the lines too much?

I have been back to my home country for 3 weeks already. We chat online probably every 2 to 3 days. It is not exactly a real time chat. It is more of i leave a message to start or maintain a conversaion then she replies when she is online. Most of the time she replies after several hours or the next day. I am cool with it as long as she is responding i guess. I asked her on a weekend f i could call her. She said she is lazy to chat over the phone. Even with her guy best friend, she said they do not chat over the phone.

Here are some more details. She never had a boyfriend before. I am 30 and she is 26.

Do i have a chance at all or it seems like she is not interested but does not want to say directly and i have not picked up the signs?

Need your advice girls and guys. Thank you!


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I think in a way, you're doing everything politely and being a gentleman. I just think she's kind of slow at showing that she's on the same page as you.

    Then again, I shouldn't say slow because people SHOULD be very slow and not progress way too far, which is one of the biggest problems today in relationships.

    If you're not seeing any effort from her, then I would believe she's not interested, becuase if you were truly something she was interested in, she'd make sure not to lose her grip on you, and that means communicating with you and putting forth initiations instead of just you doing it all the time.

    In some ways, I can understand how she reacted with the coffee. Maybe she didn't think you guys were close enough for you to bother with that favor. Plus, you have to consider some woman can be very watchful of drinks given to them as women do have unfortunate problems of being drugged/spiked, etc.

    She's kind of hard to read to be honest. Maybe she's being subtle becuase she hopes you'll just get the hint and be tired of her. She could be acting this way becuase she simply has no experience, like you said. Or, it could be she likes you, and wants to take it slow, that's all.

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    • 3mo

      Yes i hope she would initiate at least one time but most likely will not happen. I actually just told my sister that i am interested in her friend. She told me that before she introduced us she felt there was a chance i would be interested in her. She advised me to chat with her. My plan is to maintain communication until Dec. then ask her out when she comes back here. If she declines two times, i think I am out since I am concerned that I will be labelled as my sister’s weird brother. I really hope there will be a turnaround so i will not go back to zero. Any tips on how i should proceed?

Most Helpful Guy

What Girls Said 3

  • No girl goes out with her friend's brother just to be polite... twice... and maintains contact with him, to be polite. She obviously likes you. Yes, she knows they were dates

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    • 3mo

      Thank you for reading my long post. My plan is to maintaining contact with her until she goes back here and try to ask her out again.

    • 3mo

      Very good plan :)

  • It sounds like she likes you! And that WAS a date, dude... She agreed to meet alone with you, multiple times. 😄👍🏻

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    • 3mo

      Thank you for reading my long post. Do you think it is obvious to her or she realizes that I am interested in more than friendship? Would sending her a gift by parcel such as a luggage scale for travels be going overboard?

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    • 3mo

      The not wanting to talk over the phone isn't fantastic... but she is keeping contact, so it's beyond being simply polite. I think she thinks you're sweet😊

    • 3mo

      Yes I was a bit disappointed with the phone part. I did not plan to take much of her time just 10 to 15 minutes. I prepared a list of topics actually haha.

  • No sorry she not interested in you except for the coffe you buy her. She getting pork chopped by the other guy you mention. Save your money on the coffee dude.

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What Guys Said 1

  • If she was interest, you would have been balls deep already in her and wouldn't be asking this question.

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