- Does an online boyfriend count? It's so lame though, I've never seen him irl and the whole thing wasn't realistic. - I can't really count him for this reason, so I'm going with 0. - I've never held hands with a guy lol.
ZERO. Because I realized that it really won't really matter at all any more since "love" doesn't make sense at all to me other than to try and deny extinction and the inevitable, and getting laid is not a goal either. I don't really feel it or feel I really need it, at least not any more.
There's no going back for me once I had realized the really deep and dark truth. It's all just Total Emptiness regardless if we had someone or not as eventually the inevitable happens and either you'll lose them first, or they lose you first. It's just Nothing but pain, suffering and miseries, grief, regardless.