My "boyfriend" called another girl very attractive, should I be worried?

So technically we're not together (as in officially dating), but we've been "exclusive" for around 10 months and have dated in the past but we're long distance. Anyway, we were talking on the phone and he called this girl he hangs out a pretty decent amount with attractive... He was with her before he called me. He knew it would bother me because he was like "don't take this the wrong way but I'm really attracted to (her name)". I know it's normal to obviously be attracted to other people but the fact that he said it to me made me feel kind of uncomfortable because it's not the first time he's mentioned it. I've seen a picture of her and she's pretty, but not a knockout or anything. I am 99.999% sure he would never cheat on me but it makes me uncomfortable when he talks about her. Should I be worried? I'm kind of mad even though I know I probably shouldn't be.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • It is in bad taste that he talks like that to you. Guys shouldn't talk like that at all. Anyway, maybe he is trying to make you jealous because he wants more from you?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • ... He hangs out with a pretty decent amount with attractive.
    From where I am Sitting and as Wise as I am, especially in LDR, it woul dseem he Might just be Giving you Helpul Hints that even though you Say 'We've been '"exclusive"' I am Seeing a Fifth Wheel Deal here, dear.
    I don't Trust the Situation 100 %, which Seems this is not a Stone's Throw from Where you are or you Would be at this Other end more, 'Hanging out' and Not... This Girl.
    Be Concerned, yes, I would say. Keep an Eye out and Just remember as well, that Open Lines of Convo is More Important than any Pretty face and One that is 'Not a knockout or anything.'
    I am not as Convinced as you though of hBm being '99,999% of just What is Going on with her, especially Bringing up her Name a lot.
    I am just 'Worried' you May be Missing something. Not being 'Official,' is Something that He has not come to Terms with Wanting to be as of yet.
    Good luck. xx

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What Guys Said 12

  • did he sleep with her no
    than end of story
    dont create an issue from thin air

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  • You are insecure. Dont make a problem where there isn't any. Just tell him it annoy you that he mention it.

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    • 3mo

      He knew it was gonna bother he that he said it 🙄But he chose to say it. You don't think that's a problem?

    • 3mo

      I'm not insecure. And Rachel is 100% right

  • Maybe you should be more skanky looking, and let him have that ass!

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  • I wouldn't be worried about him calling her attractive... it does seem to me that after 10 months you should "officially be together" or look hard in the mirror and ask if he is someone you should be with.

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  • Bad, I'd dump him for this

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  • Oh Nooooooooooooooooooo quick help Police my boyfriend called another girl attractive he's a jerk.

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    • 3mo

      Your sarcasm isn't needed, nor is it appreciated

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    • 3mo

      Are you illiterate?

    • 3mo

      Oops sent the wrong reply to the wrong person but you're insane if you think that I think he's not allowed to find anyone attractive. Finding someone attractive is normal, but telling the girl you're in an exclusive thing with is not. There's a difference.

  • it is something guys do. don't worry.

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    • 3mo

      Telling their gfs/whatever they are that other girls are attractive?

      That's something guys do? Why is literally everything a guy does chalked up to having a penis lol. Y'all are ridiculous.

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    • 3mo

      Men? No. The guys on this site? Mostly, yeah

    • 3mo

      I don't think that's a valid excuse for telling the girl you're with that you find someone else attractive.

  • long distance makes its own problems. I would talk to him and say you don't really like hearing him talk about that.

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  • Well i have a girl and i respect her very much i wouldn't tell such a thing to her because i know it will annoy her maybe your boy is trying to get more attention from you or he was just playing with you. You can

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  • How did this guy impress you in the first place?

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    • 3mo

      Are you asking honestly or being sarcastic?

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    • 3mo

      A month or so

    • 3mo

      Wow, and here I am trying to talk to women myself and they won't even give me a single chance...

  • Talk him that you want him to call everygirl is ugly except yourself

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    • 3mo

      That's ridiculous and not at all what I was saying.

  • He's testing you 🗲

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    • 3mo

      To see if I would do what?

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    • 3mo

      Sorry what do you mean haha? Like if I'd stand up for myself?

    • 3mo

      Yes, people do it naturally. They pull you leg for testing what you are made off. It's just curiosity.

What Girls Said 10

  • if you have to preface what you're about to say with, "don't take this the wrong way", it obviously doesn't need to be said at all, as no good can come from saying it.

    would i be worried? you betcha.

    would i break up with him? probably, if i was on the market for a serious boyfriend.

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  • Honestly, don't be worried. Me and my guy openly talk about other people we find attractive. It's normal and he doesn't have to worry because I'm secure, he's secure, and we're in a loyal relationship.

    But that's just us.

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  • He knew it would bother you but chose to say it anyway. So he wanted to bother you, that's a red flag. Of course you'll find other people attractive, that's a given, but if you're dedicated to your SO, and have legit feelings for them, a) you'll notice they're attractive without thinking much of it and b) you won't try to hurt/bother your SO especially by talking about how attractive your friend is multiple times.

    And the fact you've been "exclusive" for just shy of a year without taking it to the next level is an even bigger red flag.

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    • 3mo

      Yeah I totally agree with what you said in the first paragraph, but the reason we've yet to take anything to the next level is because neither of us are necessarily interested in a relationship where you get to see eachother once every few months. It's takes a toll on the both of us, we've dated before and have agreed to wait to date until we are closer geographically.

    • 3mo

      But you are acting as if you're in a relationship, you basically have one without the title. So I find that hard to understand.

      That aside, still, I find it a red flag he made the comment. I had an ex who did that and I'll just say it didn't turn out well.

    • 3mo

      I agree with Rachel. I remember when my ex would tell me about this girl he was just "friends" with

      "I spoke to her on Skype once for 4 hours", "I'm seeing my friend Saturday, the same one of Skype" (me and him would usually see each other Saturdays), "Sorry my friend just called me", "Sorry I was just with my friend - same one I'm seeing Saturday!"

      Anyways, at first I let it go because I'd previously gotten jealous when I thought he liked one of my own friends and he assured me he just wanted me so I didn't want a repeat of that again once he'd assured me, he was bisexual so I thought if I'm worried about him having female friends I'd have to worry about him having male friends too which would mean he couldn't have any friends which is ridiculous + he'd say he'd tell everyone about me anyway so I figured he'd told her.

      Anyways, turns out I was right to be worried in the first place, dude cheated on me with her.

  • What the hell does " technically we're not together (as in officially dating), but we've been "exclusive" for around 10 months" even mean?
    Sorry but that's pretty much a BS statement.
    If you aren't officially dating, then he might be letting you know he's interested in going after her.

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    • 3mo

      It means that we don't necessarily want to officially be in a relationship, because what kind of relationship even is it if you can only see eachother every few months? We've tried dating before and it's difficult, especially when we're both very busy with school and work.

    • 3mo

      Yeah, so he's dropping the hint he may go after her especially since it wouldn't be cheating.

  • Your dating him! He's your man! He loves you! Even though he said he found some other lady attractive doesn't mean he's going to take off. Get what am saying? She could just be a friend. But if this happens often and he doesn't talk to you anymore, keeps going to her house. That kind of thing I would be worried. But it seems that this girl is just a friend who he thinks is pretty. He could have said that she was a attractive to make you "jealous." But since the two of you are dating. "He should only have eyes for you and you alone!"

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  • If you're so sure he won't cheat, then why even ask this question?

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  • Relationships are full of that. If you can't handle him finding another girl attractive, you're not ready to be in a relationship. At least he's being honest with you.

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  • If it's looks because he thinks she's attractive and is really attracted to her then that is wrong and not a reason to think she's attractive and be really attracted to her and you shouldn't and don't have to have looks to be attractive or for someone to be really attractive to you.

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  • I would be mad too, that is very disrespectful and insensitive.

    I don't like being 2nd best with anyone, especially when it's my own boyfriend. If my boyfriend said something like this, I would probably dump him.

    That said, I am very sensitive and easily triggered.

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  • there is a difference between finding someone attractive or good looking ans being attracted to someone...
    he felt that he needed to give u a heads up about her, so I would tried with caution. red flag

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