Why do people on here pretend that a man's looks don't have a huge impact on him dating?

An ugly guy like me can create an online dating profile send out hundreds of messages and not get anywhere, not even having success with the least attractive women on the site.

Then if I change my pictures to those of someone else better looking (but not any other aspect of the profile) suddenly women are very interested. They are far more responsive to messages, far more interested in meeting and some even message and/or ask to meet without any encouragement to do so from me.

Its amazing how much more funny and charming I am when women think I'm a good looking guy, not an ugly guy. Yet many on here are so sure that women don't care about looks and only want a man who is funny/confident/alpha/nice/not-nice/whatever else.

Is this just because men on here like to believe they can completely change their success with women by simply altering their behaviour?

Or is it because women want to pretend they are more moral/decent than men and not influenced by the appearance of the opposite sex?

By the way I'm aware men also select partners almost entirely on appearance, I'm not trying to bash women for doing so. But nobody on here would tell an ugly/fat girl that she should just be more confident or funny, and that then she could have any man she wants, even typing that makes me laugh because of how delusional it sounds.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • i've always been honest and said that looks matter. personality can really make you addicted to the person AFTER you are drawn to them physically.

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    • 3mo

      My question is why do other people deny that looks matter a lot, rather than whether you personally think looks matter. Its good of you to be honest regardless though.

    • 3mo

      i get a lot of flak for being ”shallow” but it's ok. they just want to say the ”right” thing.

    • 2mo

      thank you

What Girls Said 3

  • I'm so tired of hearing this and having this discussion with men AND women about looks.

    It's a big part of if. YES. Get used to it, most people care about a partner who's physically appealing.

    Yet. There are some that have such AMAZING personalities, that their partner sees them in a different light. Their physical appearance matters less than it would have, had they just seen them walking down the street.

    - - - If you have a funny, quirky, upbeat attitude, then you WILL get noticed. Girls will be interested.

    Personally, a man who's pessimistic, whinny, or cares about what others think [[what this sounds like to me, I. M. O]] lost my interest extremely quickly.

    - I stand by what I've typed here. :] Good day to you.

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    • 3mo

      "Personally, a man who's pessimistic, whinny, or cares about what others think [[what this sounds like to me, I. M. O]]"

      Ad hominem attacks rather than answering the question I've actually asked.

  • Very few people deny the fact that a guy's looks do play a part in how much interest a woman will develop in him. The fact of the matter is that, if the guy has sunk so low that he's making posts about how he's so ugly and asking why women are so shallow/bitchy to not want him, his negative, self-deprecating attitude will overpower how much of a factor his looks may or may not be.

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    • 3mo

      "Very few people deny the fact that a guy's looks do play a part in how much interest a woman will develop in him"

      Really? I seem to run into people who deny that almost every day on this site.

    • Show All
    • 3mo

      awwe. Here, let me simplify things since you're obviously confused.
      Question: Why do people on here pretend that a man's looks don't have a huge impact on him dating?
      Answer: If the guy has sunk so low that he's making posts about how he's so ugly and asking why women are so shallow/bitchy to not want him, his negative, self-deprecating attitude will overpower how much of a factor his looks may or may not be.

    • 3mo

      That answer doesn't even match with the question at all. There is zero logic in what you are saying.

      Also a side note.. you shouldn't pretend to be intelligent when you cannot convincingly pull it off.

  • There is people at the same level of attraction as you, find them.

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    • 3mo

      Really? Even obese single mums consider themselves out of my league.

    • 3mo

      Ok, but that's just women in general. And maybe calling them obese single moms isn't taking you anywhere either lol.

      Yes there is people at your level of attraction and getting to know people helps too. Good luck.

    • 3mo

      Obese and single mums are the accurate descriptions of these women. Obviously I do not say that to them.

What Guys Said 1

  • Looks definitely matter but if you judge how opposites attract from dating sites then you're looking at the peak of superficiality.

    There first impressions are largely the basis of attraction since all people can go by is a short kind of "résumé" to get a biased sample of your personality combined with some photos. That's going to be true of both sexes that the photos do a lot of the work here.

    If you dial the environment down a notch to say, bars and night clubs, you can allow more charismatic qualities like wit, charm, and confidence do more of the work to attract, since at least you're doing that in person (anyone can exhibit these qualities over text). But that's still a very superficial environment driven largely by first impressions, so it does really help to look and dress your absolute best.

    Then if you go towards more ordinary kinds of social environments like networking and friends and acquaintances, it becomes easier to employ those alternative charismatic social skills to your advantage. In those cases it's possible to even attract a girl who wasn't so into you on first impression and change her mind over subsequent impressions. That's generally going to be impossible on an online site let alone a night club.

    >> But nobody on here would tell an ugly/fat girl that she should just be more confident or funny, and that then she could have any man she wants, even typing that makes me laugh because of how delusional it sounds.

    Agreed here, and to me it's often kinder (albeit a bit harsh) to suggest working out to an overweight girl or a guy who's out of shape. Improving your physique and fashion definitely helps in all realms.

    But the right kind of social environments can definitely help both sexes charm the opposite sex using social skills. For guys, a lot of times confidence often boils down to just not wanting the girl that much. That tends to make you more interesting than the guys waiting in line all claiming to care so much about her.

    You see this desire for people to cling to their "genuine" personality most among rejects, whether it's a fat girl or a guy who finishes last. Looks definitely do have an important role in attraction, but they're not the only qualities that attract. Typically all you need to have a chance is be physically appealing enough to her (and all girls have different physical types of guys they're into, just as we are, and most are at least somewhat flexible about this, same as us) to get your foot in the door.

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    • 3mo

      One thing I'd suggest that might kind of contradict a lot of popular saying is that "personality" as like some magical quality doesn't really matter that much early on. It's more "charisma" to me. It's because personality is something people deduce often inaccurately based on what they can read from you based on limited exchanges and communication.

      In the context of attracting the opposite sex based on limited interaction (not long-term friends first, e. g.), it's what you suggest from your outward actions that attract or fail to attract. That's going to be more based on social skills than anything else. A very shy person who almost never talks is not going to judged accurately for their personality since they give others so little to go by.

      It's how you carry yourself, how you talk, how you charm people -- that makes the difference here. And those outward actions can be as powerful of a magnet for attracting the opposite sex as looks.

    • 3mo

      Personality is largely a hidden trait, so to speak. It can even be hidden among two people who have been dating for months where they have yet to discover each other's true character.

      What isn't hidden are those outward actions. It's the sample and impression you give of yourself to others around you that attracts. And that ranges from looks to how you speak. Some of it is a bit more cerebral and based on what you say, but a lot of attraction is more primal and based on sensory inputs.

      You can only "output" so much, no one can read your "soul" or mind. It's all about the impression you give to others, and looks are a big part of how we tend to judge people, and especially in terms of who we might want for a sexual/romantic partner.

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