Why does my female friend ignore me and even treat me like her enemy after we were in a somewhat close relationship?

I have a coworker. I liked her, I confessed my feeling on her. She told me that she just broke up with her ex, dont want in a relationship for a while, and she never dates her own friend. So I moved on, but she got angry by telling me that I was joking on her. To calm her, I told her that I was lying to myself, she was the one, I really falling in love, and I couldnt move on (actually I moved on). She told me that she's not sure bout her feeling and want me to give her some times to think about it.

She told me that actually she liked me but she let the feeling gone because she will never date her own coworker unless she is very sure about it, she was afraid. We became very close, talked on phone for hours, gave presents, she became vurnerable. I became really falling in love with her

I asked her about our relationship, to show my seriousness. She got upset and pulled away. Then we were close again. Happened for 2x.
She told me that she is a woman with a lot of problem & I'm too kind for her.

I bring up about her ex and she got upset (often texted her ex and was still calling him babe or something like that). She ignores me, doesn't talk to me, doesn't reply to my text, doesn't stare at my eyes, acts like I'm her enemy.

She texted me that its impossible for our relationship, she can't act like before. That I can't control my feeling and push her, dont know what she means. I admit that sometimes I became needy.
Its ok, but treated like enemy at office by someone you love feels like hell.

She said that she wants us to be a friend just like before. I want it too. I've tried everything, being persistence, being friendly, even pulling away. But she still treats me like enemy. I dont know what she wants. What should I do?

Sometimes I recognize her looking at me, she looks down when I catch her doing it. When I texted her in a kind way, she never replies. But when I texted her in somewhat offensive way, she always replies. Does she want me to be angry and get mad or what?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • You need to leave her alone it sounds like she is going through a very rough and confusing time, it's clear her break-up is a very bad and painful one so you need to just forget this and don't mess the with the poor woman, she doesn't need this and made it clear she isn't up for being with anyone and just went througha break-up, leave her be.

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    • 3mo

      Yes, thank you, I'll leave her alone.

      But there is something bugging on my mind, something like I've replied on 1GuyOpinion's opinion below. What is she trying to do with me? Is she doing it on purpose?

      Any idea on specific action I should do to show her that I'll leave her alone without her trying to do those things?

    • 2mo

      No she just sounds confused, you were just there trying to start something with her and she's feeling lonely and not herself, it happens because when someone gets out of a relationship they need to get used to being alone again and depending only on herself.

Most Helpful Guy

  • Leave her the hell alone and stop pondering so much about it.

    Either treat her like a friend or this relationship is over. She can't trust herself around you when you obviously still have feeling for her even when you said you moved on.

    She is not ready to date (probably not over her ex). Stop pushing your own feeling onto her.

    A Woman is still a human, they make mistake. Maybe in a moment of weakness, she lead you on. She don't want to be in a relationship WITH YOU, but at the same time, she thrist for some love and affection her ex-boyfriend used to gave her, so she used you. And then get mad that she can't have the cake and eat it too. She probably already know that she is leading you on, making you fall in love with her if she keep talking to you. That why she is mad at herself.

    You also made a mistake bringing up her ex. She is NOT over her ex. Don't shit talk someone she still has feeling for. Have some self-respect and move the hell on when you got rejected twice already.

    If you want her to stop treating you like the enemy, you need to somehow show her that you know where the LINE IS DRAWN. You are behind the friend line, don't EVER cross it again. Don't push the boundary when you know she is unstable/vulnerable. Don't be too overly kind to her, because that put a lot of pressure on HER to be KIND back.

    Short answer : Prove that you know what it take to be just a friend, nothing more, nothing less, and she will stop treating you like the "enemy".

    Good luck.

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    • 3mo

      Thanks, I know it was my fault. I'm feeling bad for it. I did those things because I know she used me. She even did it to other men too (the "leading men on" things).

      What I dont get is the way she sometimes still looking and smiling at me silently or asking to my friend about what I am doing (so actually she isn't mad at me and only pretending on it or what?), or obviously trying to make me jealous, or isolating me in the party, or didn't inform me important information regarding to our works, or many other things. I'm getting mad by it.

      Is she trying to make me mad so I'm leaving her?
      I'll will leave her without she's trying to do those things.

      "Short answer : Prove that you know what it take to be just a friend, nothing more, nothing less, and she will stop treating you like the "enemy"."

      Yes, thank you so much. I've been trying on it, but perhaps I can't hide my emotion (angry, guilty). But I'll continue to try it.

What Girls Said 1

  • Guilt and regret at dumping you but she can't express her feelings or move on from her ex cuz unnecessary reasons. I'd say forget her but hey

    "I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one"

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What Guys Said 1

  • She got triggered when you brought up her EX in the conversation, so that can be the reason why!

    Sometimes friendships end from just one word!

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