What can I do to make our relationship healthy for him?

I met this really sweet guy on tinder. We hit it off really well and within a couple weeks we decided to be exclusive. Two and a half months in, things are going great! We see each other regularly (2-3 times a week) and we've even had a few weekend getaways (ie. Renaissance fair w/ camping, beach trip, social dancing). We have made several more weekend plans up to a month in advance, including meeting the parents.

However, just last week, he alluded to needing to function more as a single unit/ couple. Then a week later, he starts saying how this relationship is making him lethargic, and sad, to the point that he is crying. He considers options such as becoming casual or opening up the relationship, but when I suggest boundaries like less time spent together or use of protection and a lesser connection, he immediately wants to take it back, and we end up being sad and confused together. While I like him and care for him, I think he is the one more emotionally invested. He describes it as "sometimes wanting to be completely devoted" and "feeling smothered even though you aren't smothering and are very understanding."

Eventually he decided to remain exclusive with more communication and to go through with the plans we have already made. He says talking about it helps a little but he's still unsure. He's 26 and Im 19, but that hasn't seemed to be an issue. I'm mature, he's a little on the young side.

Any ideas on how to help him through this? What should I do? What shouldn't I do?


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What Guys Said 2

  • Sounds like he's not right in the head. Something is up

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  • He wants to be devoted , not pressured in to it. And you can both start with forgiveness. He's unsure of your complete devotion before he want to invest further. This you might want to expand to him in greater detail of how it works for you

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    • 3mo

      Explain

    • 3mo

      explain what specifically? what do you mean, how it works for you?

    • 3mo

      First of all , you're just fine , it's not you. I think he's looking for a commitment of devotion from you in a way before he's ready to commit any further. Smothering to him =pressure . So he's not willing to be pressured into his insucuritues unless you're willing to fully commit. ( yea right ) anyway just so you know. Might want to bring these points up with alittle forgiveness attached and hopefully he'll see his insucuritues easier.

What Girls Said 1

  • Yikes, sounds like he's bipolar and quite immature. That's why i like older guys myself but this guy is acting like a teenager. I guess that's what you get for finding him on Tinder. isn't that more for hookups and casual sex anyway? Do people get into relationships from that?

    I would be turned off by his actions and call it off, personally, his immaturity and indecisiveness is a turn-off for me.

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